1. A duck walks into a convenient store and walks up the
counter. The duck asks, "Got any grapes?" "No," said the
puzzled store clerk. The duck smiles and walks out the
door. A little while later the duck returns and asks, "Got
any grapes?" The clerk replies, "No! Like I already told
you 15 minutes ago, I don't have any grapes!" The duck
smiles and walks out. A little while later the duck returns
and again asks "Got any grapes?" The irate clerk yells,
"No! We didn't have any, we don't have any, and were not
going to have any. If you come back in here again I'll nail
your webbed feet to the floor!" The duck smiles and walks
out. Later the duck returns and asks the clerk "Got any
nails?" The clerk says "NO!" The duck replies, "Good!
Got any grapes?"

2. Two old men went out on a fishing trip with a wise old
skipper. Shortly after leaving the dock two laughing gulls
flew over their craft and one decided to let its' intestinal
contents free. The excrement landed on the bald head of
one of the fishermen. The other old man exclaimed "Don't
get upset. Stay right here and I'll go fetch some toilet
paper". The skipper replied, "No need for that. By the
time you return the birds will have flown away".



3. A pet store had a parrot they were selling as a "talking
bird." A customer walked in and asked, "What does this
parrot say?" The store owner replied, "Light a match
under the parrot's left foot and see for yourself." The
customer did and the parrot started singing, "Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle all the way..."
"Now try the right foot," said the owner. The customer
moved the match under the parrot's right foot and the
parrot started singing, "I'm dreaming of a white
Christmas..." "That's neat," the customer said. "But what
if I hold the match BETWEEN the parrot's feet?" "I don't
know," said the owner. "Try it." So the customer lit
another match and held it between the parrot's feet. The
parrot hesitated, then started singing, "Chestnuts roasting
on an open fire..."



4. Once there was this man who owned a parrot. Like
other parrots, this one could talk but it preferred to swear.
In fact it could swear for hours on end without taking a
break. The problem with all of this was that the man was a
quiet, conservative man and all this swearing was driving
him crazy. One day the parrot was carrying on again and
the man had finally had enough. So he jumped up, grabbed
the parrot, and starting yelling at it to stop cursing. This
only made the parrot curse more until the guy finally lost
his temper and shoved the parrot into a cabinet The parrot
got quiet for a few seconds, but then started cursing even
worse than before. It started scratching at the door and
making a horrible racket until finally the man let it out.
Losing his temper completely the man shoved the parrot
into the freezer and slammed the door shut. Again the
parrot started cursing and carrying on, but then it quieted
down and didn't do anything for a couple minutes. By this
time the man was starting to get worried that the parrot
was dead so he opened the door. Quickly the parrot flew
out onto the man's shoulder and said, "I'm terribly sorry
about my foul language and rude behavior. I'll do my best
to improve them in the future." The man was stunned at
how polite the parrot was behaving and was quite pleased
with himself. Then the parrot leaned over to the guy,
motioned at the freezer, and said, "By the way, what did
the chicken do?"

5. Two turkey vultures were preparing to migrate north
for the summer but, after talking about it, they decided
they were too old to fly all that way, so they decided to
take a plane. When they were about to board the aircraft,
the flight attendant, noticing that both buzzards were
carrying a dead armadillo, asked, "Would you like to check
those armadillos through as luggage?" "No thanks," the
buzzards replied, "they're carrion."

6. A man went swimming on Galveston Island, he left his
watch with his shoes. A bird ate his watch and flew away,
he chased it into a large flock of birds. Grabbing a rock, he
started towards the flock. When a cop stopped him, he
stated "One of those birds ate my watch, I'm leaving no
tern unstoned until I find it".

7. How do you get down off an elephant? You don't! You
get down off a duck.

8. One fine day a chicken walked into a library and said
BUCK (book), so the librarian gave the chicken a book.
The next day the same chicken came back to the library
and said BUCK BUCK, so the librarian gave him two
books. The next day the same chicken came back to the
library and said BUCK BUCK BUCK, so again the
librarian gave him three books, but this time the librarian
decided to follow him to see what a chicken wanted with
three books. As he saw the chicken come to a stop at the
edge of a pond, he saw the chicken pass all the books to a
frog who while he was looking at them was saying,
REDDIT,REDDIT, REDDIT

9. Two vultures were in the desert eating a dead clown.
The first vulture asks the second vulture: "Does this taste
funny to you?"

10. A burglar crept into a dark house and as he crossed the room he heard a voice say, "JESUS IS WATCHING YOU!" He froze in his tracks and waited. He started walking again, and again the voice came "JESUS IS WATCHING YOU !"  Finally the burglar's eyes adjusted to the dark and with great relief he saw a parrot in a cage in the corner. "What's your name," he asked the parrot. "Bonzo" said the parrot. Who gave you that stupid name" sneered the burglar. "The same guy who named the Rottweiller Jesus.

Top 10 advantages of having Parrots
 instead of Children !
                                  

10. When you come home your parrot is always happy to see you.

9. A parrot will never ask you for advice and then get
mad at you for giving it.

8. At night a parrot sleeps quietly. They do not play
drums or watch M.T.V. at full volume till 3 A.M..

7. Parrots do not drink liquor or do drugs.

6. Parrots are cheaper to educate and appreciate your
efforts to educate them. After classes are done they do not
move across the country and stop calling you.

5. A parrot will eat his veggies.

4. A parrot will grow his own clothes which are
attractive, colorful, and enhance their looks. A parrot will
nerve wear a lycra see-through shirt or their blue jeans
below their underwear. If their underwear isn't clean it
means their sick. Parrots are good about grooming.

3. Parrots don't fart !

2. If a parrot throws up on you it means she loves you !

And the number one advantage of having parrots
instead of children is.......

1. Parrots hatch . A big plus ladies !!!