1.   Happy Vasectomy!  Hope you feel zippy!
'Cause when I got one... I got real snippy.

2.   I heard you had herpes...and I feel terrible...
I'd say "Get well soon"...but I know it's incurable.

3.   My tire was thumping....I thought it was flat....
when I looked at the tire....I found your cat... Sorry!

4.   You had your bladder removed and you're on the mends....
here's a bouquet of flowers and a box of Depends.

5.   You've announced that you're gay, and won't that be a laugh,
when they find out you're one...
of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

6.   So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day...
look at the bright side, she's a really good lay.

7.   Heard your wife left you... How upset you must be...
Don't fret about your wife though... She's moving in with me.

8.   Your computer is dead... and it was so alive...
you shouldn't have installed... Win'95.

9.   You totalled your car... and can't remember why...
maybe it  was... that case of Bud Dry.

10. So you lost your job... It's one of those hardships in life...
Next time, work harder... and stay away from the boss's wife.

Rules of the Female
1.  The Female always makes the Rules.

2.  The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notificaton.

3.  No Male can possibly know all the Rules.

4.  If the Female suspects the Male knows all the Rules,
she must immediately change some or all of the Rules.

5.  The Female is NEVER wrong.

6.  If the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the Male did or said wrong.

7.  If Rule 6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.

8.  The Female can change her mind at any given point in time.

9.  The Male must never change his mind without written consent from the Female.

10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset.

12. The Female must, under NO CIRCUMSTANCES, let the Male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.

13. Any attempt to document these Rules could result in bodily harm.

14. If the Female has PMS, all Rules are null and void.

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