| Quote | WAV file | Episode |
"Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such nature films
as 'Earwigs: Ewwww' and 'Man vs. Nature: The Road to Victory'." |
nature.wav (77 KB) |
5F22 |
|
"In nature their mother would regurgitate food for them to eat."
Billy: "That's gross!" "Ha ha ha ha! It sure is Billy. It sure is." |
gross.wav (89 KB) |
5F22 |
|
"Welcome to the Knowledgeum. I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me
from such automated information kiosks as 'Welcome to Springfield Airport'
and 'Where's Nordstrom?' While you're enjoying our hall of wonders
your car will unfortunately be subject to repeated break-ins..." |
kiosk.wav
(127 KB) |
5F13
|
|
"As I said to Dolores Montenegro in 'Calling All Quakers!'-- have it your
way, baby!" |
quakers.wav
(48 KB) |
8F14 |
| "C'est Troy bien!" | troybien.wav
(13 KB) |
3F15 |
| "Here's an appealing fellow! In fact,
they're a-peeling him off the sidewalk!"
|
appeal.wav
(40 KB) |
9F14 |
| "Live, from Hawaii's beautiful Molokai island: we're not just for lepers anymore! It's Carnival of the Stars! I'm your host Troy McClure! You may remember me from such films as "The Erotic Adventures of Hercules" and "Dial 'M' for Murderousness"! Tonight we'll see Angela Lansbury walk on hot coals: excitement, she wrote!" | carnival.wav
(208 KB) |
9F07 |
| Homer: "Pfft, Troy McClure, he's a washed up movie star! He could be dating washed up supermodels!" | washedup.wav
(104 KB) |
3F15 |
| Selma: "But I once had dinner with
a movie star, and it was the most wonderful night of my life."
Troy: "Really? Who was it, George Segal? I hear he plays the banjo!" (highly recommended!) |
segal.wav
(221 KB) |
3F15 |
| Troy: "My good looks paid for that
pool, and my talent filled it with water! Hi, I'm Troy McClure, your
future uncle."
Lisa: "Hi! I remember you from such filmstrips as 'Locker Room Towel Fight : The Blinding of Larry Driscoll.'" Troy: "You know I was one of the first to speak out against horseplay." Lisa: "Ah ha." |
pool.wav
(392 KB) |
3F15 |
| Troy: "T mc C"
Selma: "Troy, darling come to bed. I want to see the Troy McClure I remember from such films as 'Make-Out King of Montana' and 'The Electric Gigolo.'" Troy: "Yeah, in a minute... darling." |
makeout.wav
(340 KB) |
3F15 |
| Selma: "Are you gay?"
Troy: "Gay? I wish! If I were gay there'd be no problem! No, what I have is a romantic abnormality. One so unbelievable that it must be hidden from the public at all costs. You see..." Selma: "Stop!" |
gayiwish.wav
(302 KB) |
3F15 |
| Hot damn! I'm going to SeaWorld!! | seaworld.wav
(71 KB) |
3F15 |
| The closing song from "Stop the Planet of the Apes: I Want to Get Off!" | chimpanz.wav
(1.1 MB) |
3F15 |
| Selma: "Don't you love me?"
Troy: "Sure I do! Like I love fresca!" |
fresca.wav
(114 KB) |
3F15 |
| Just smile for the cameras and enjoy Mr. Troy's wild ride! | wildride.wav
(97 KB) |
3F15 |
| You may remember me from such medical films as "Alice Doesn't Live Anymore" and "Mommy, What's Wrong With That Man's Face?" | medfilms.wav
(157 KB) |
4F24 |
| DNA is God's recipe for making you. You take a dash of Dad, a pinch of Mom, then we bake for nine months and... mmm! That's good Billy! | dna.wav
(355 KB) |
4F24 |
| Bonjour, je suis Troy McClure! | frogtroy.wav
(37 KB) |
???? |
| Bart: "But the flood's only knee high! At least let us watch till the midgets drown!" Lisa: "Yeah, mom, come on! You let us stay up to watch Troy McClure in such other Bible epics as 'David versus Super-Goliath' and 'Suddenly Last Supper'." Bart: "Go Lise! Way to cite precedent!" (hi-five) | midgets.wav
(120 KB) |
5F11 |
| Hi, I'm Troy McClure! You may remember me from such public service videos as "Designated Drivers, the Lifesaving Nerds" and "Phony Tornado Alarms Reduce Readiness"! I'm here today to give you the skinny on shoplifting, thereby completing my plea bargain with the good people at Foot Locker of Beverly Hills. | pubserv.wav
(181 KB) |
3F07 |
| ...films as "'P' is for Psycho" and "The President's Neck is Missing"! | psycho.wav
(92 KB) |
9F20 |
| ...instructional videos as "Mothballing Your Battleship" and "Dig Your Own Grave and Save!" | mothball.wav
(102 KB) |
9F05 |
| ...TV spinoffs as "Son of Sanford and Son" and "After Mannix"! | spinoff.wav
(82 KB) |
4F20 |
| ...educational films as "Lead Paint, Delicious but Deadly" and "Here Comes the Metric System"! | metric.wav
(41 KB) |
8F22 |
| ...films as "The Boatjacking of Supership 79" and "Hydro, the Man with the Hydraulic Arms!" | hydro.wav
(106 KB) |
1F21 |
| ...driver's ed films as "Alice's Adventures through the Windshield Glass" and "The Decapitation of Larry Leadfoot"! | drivered.wav
(114 KB) |
9F14 |
| About now you're probably saying, "Troy, I've seen every Simpsons episode. You can't show me anything new!"... You've got some attitude, mister. | attitude.wav
(96 KB) |
3F31 |
| As wacky as those kids were, they were no match for Captain Wacky! (later renamed Homer.) | captwaky.wav
(62 KB) |
3F31 |
| TV Anchorman: "Seventies leading man Troy McClure has finally met the woman of his dreams. We may remem-- woman?... Huh!... Okay... We may remember Troy from such films as "The Verdict Was Mail Fraud" and "Leper in the Backfield". | anchor.wav
(136 KB) |
3F15 |
| There's more than one way to get high, baby! | high.wav
(19 KB) |
2F07 |
| [hawking animation cels]"...the toontown
twosome beloved by everyone-- even cynical members of Generation X!"
Slacker: "Pfft, yeah... 'groovy'."
(a favorite!) |
genx.wav
(87 KB) |
1F21 |
| "Then came the big day. Fluffy and Fuzzy got married! That night came the honeymoon..." [sleazy porn music] Kids in classroom: "Ewww!" Mrs. Krabappel: "She's faking it." | buzzy.wav
(569 KB) |
8F22 |
| Don't kid yourself Jimmy. If
a cow ever got the chance he'd eat you and everyone you care about.
(note: if this sound doesn't play properly on yr computer, download and install this codec.) |
coweatu.wav
(14 KB) |
3F03 |
| ...cartoons as "Christmas Ape" and "Christmas Ape goes to Summer Camp"! | xmasape.wav
(84 KB) |
4F12 |
| ...telethons as "Out With Gout '88" and "Let's Save Tony Orlando's House"! | telethon.wav
(118 KB) |
1F03 |
| ...self-help videos as "Smoke Yourself Thin" and "Get Confident, Stupid"! | selfhelp.wav
(124 KB) |
1F05 |
| ...films as "Today We Kill, Tomorrow We Die" and "Gladys, the Groovy Mule"! | gladys.wav
(114 KB) |
8F14 |
| ...Fox network specials as "Alien Nose Job" and "Five Fabulous Weeks of the Chevy Chase Show"! | foxnet.wav
(116 KB) |
3F31 |
| ...dates as last night's dinner! | dinner.wav
(51 KB) |
3F15 |
| ...films as "The Greatest Story Ever Hula-ed" and "They Came to Burgle Carnegie Hall"! | carnegie.wav
(164 KB) |
3F15 |
| We are gathered to mourn the passing of Hershel Schmoeckel Krustofski, beloved entertainer and dear friend. Hello, I'm Troy McClure! You might remember me from such celebrity funerals as "Andre The Giant, We Hardly Knew Ye" and "Shemp Howard, Today We Mourn A Stooge"! | funerals.wav
(132 KB) |
3F12 |
| I'm Troy McClure, and now I'll leave you with what we all came here to see: hardcore nudity! | nudity.wav
(92 KB) |
3F31 |
| Selma: "You're Troy McClure. I remember you from such films as 'Meet Joe Blow' and 'Give My Remains to Broadway." | joeblow.wav
(163 KB) |
3F15 |
| The Dr. Zaius song from "Stop the Planet of the Apes, I Want to Get Off!" (highly recommended!) | drzaius.wav
(428 KB) |
3F15 |
| Ha ha ha ha! That's too funny! I can't remember when I've heard a funnier anecdote! Okay, now you tell one! | anecdote.wav
(62 KB) |
3F15 |
| Guy 1: "I thought you said Troy McClure was dead!" Fat Tony: "No, what I said was he sleeps with the fishes." | fishslep.wav
(60 KB) |
3F15 |