Things you wouldn't know if it weren't
for Comics
Heroes don't need a job, or
even a source of income, to live comfortably
That being said, angst ridden heroes, no matter what their socioeconomic status, will always prefer to live in the most run down part of town.
Every team needs a resident boy billionaire who can never seem to have a stable relationship.
Everyone has a clone. EVERYONE. Maybe even two.
Likewise everyone who doesn't have a clone will have an identical twin or an alternate timeline self that will accidentally wind up in their timeline to do battle with (or against) them.
No one's hair or uniform ever gets mussed, unless a) it's for dramatic effect or b) you are a woman, in which case your uniform will inevitably get strategically torn and/or shredded in each battle.
All superheroes enjoy the ability of instantaneous-clothes-changing, which means they can be in their best cocktail gown (or tux) on second and in their uniform, complete with swords, guns and ammo, the next.
Everyone has a long lost child. It doesn't matter if you're a virgin or have never met the other said parent.
Everyone has a lost sibling. This sibling will hate you forever, no matter how many Kodak moments you manage to squeeze out.
All relationships are flings- unless you've found your soul mate, in which case you will be forever torn apart and reunited in perpetual angst.
Getting married causes one to loose all personality.
Having a linear existence is harder than you may think. Traveling through time is easy.
Heroes are too damn heroic to ever need to sleep or use the bathroom.
If you are outnumbered in a fight, your enemies will either be a) overconfident or b) stupid.
Heroes will bleed enough to look tough, but never suffer from the blood loss.
Everyone has a fatal weakness that is only ever discovered once and then promptly forgotten.
Or they overcome their fatal weakness in favor of another, even more threatening weakness. But they never die of it.
Growling loudly enough while posturing menacingly will send even the most experienced evil lackey/agent running for the hills.
Good telepaths have too many morals to be really useful.
Bad telepaths get backlash.
Female heroes and villains are all innately drop dead gorgeous- even though they may not realize this, despite the men who stop and stare (often in the middle of battle)
No one ever dies. Really. I swear. Somewhere, somehow, they're out there. Waiting.
If you come back from the dead, chances are you'll be a new and improved version, with bigger, better, hipper powers than before.
In the odd event that a character does die, everyone else immediately forgets that he/she ever existed and they knew him or her.
All villains are redeemable, though they will all eventually stab you in the back when you're not looking.
It is impossible to break a bone or have any other serious injury that lasts longer than twenty four hours. If seriously injured, there will always be a miraculous recovery- you may even get a whole new body out of the deal.
Uniforms must be skin tight, except for the flashy bits that flap in the wind.
Long hair can be left loose without any worry of it getting tangled, blinding you, or grabbed by an enemy.
Heroes are never appreciated by anyone, especially governments.
Heroes need a fashion makeover at least once a year. Can't be overshadowed by what one's enemy is wearing now can we?
Non-heroes rarely get involved in the action and survive, unless they are or have been some hero's best friend or lover.
The only people able to find and infiltrate a hero's secret base or identity are spunky intelligent preadolescents. Highly trained special agents will miss' em every time.
No one ever looks up
It is easy to find a secluded place, even in a crowded city, filled with cameras, pedestrians, police officers and tourists, to transform/change and protect one's secret identity.
No one wears makeup. No one needs to. War paint- that's another story.
There's never a teleporter around when you really need one.
Villains have the worse speech writers.
No one ages once they are old enough to fight and have sex. The only people older than 30 are mentors and grizzled old ex-heroes. The only people younger than 14 are cute kids who have annoying tendencies to get kidnapped and be too damn powerful for their own good.
You can drink as much as you want, and never get drunk, unless you are a sidekick.
Walk 500 kilometers in any direction and you will find a long lost city built by aliens, super beings or an evil conspiracy.
After putting on your uniform you will suddenly have a) huge pecs and biceps if male, or b) huge breasts and long flowing hair, if female. This includes preadolescents.
If someone says, "I'll be back" they will. It doesn't matter how many people they have to kill, or buildings they must blow up, or even if they have to come back from the dead. They'll be back.
All villains feel the need to enlighten you as to their master plan, so that you can see how brilliant they are and join them. They, of course, trust you instantly. Then, you blow them up.
There is always time for witty dialogue and joke cracking- even in the heat of battle when you are karate-chopping your enemy- or when you are running for your life. Remember- the more you talk the less likely it is that your enemies will find you.
No one ever calls the police. If they do, you'll always get the two cops too stupid to realize what's going on. They will assume that they are hallucinating because of eating/drinking too much the night before. Nothing can stop this coping mechanism, not even if you crush their car, splatter them with blood and take away their doughnuts.
When someone starts talking in a foreign language, there will always be someone in the room to translate.
Characters will often, for no reason whatsoever, slip into speaking their native language sporadically while still speaking English.
Inevitably a hero will always run into a former lover who has gone over to the dark side. Note: This does not rule out a continuing relationship, even if you have to sleep with a knife under your pillow.
Everyone speaks English, often with strange and inexplicable accents.
Spanish and Portuguese are the same thing. Irish and Scottish accents are also the same.
No one speaks Cantonese or Mandarin, just Chinese.
All superheroes and supervillians have advanced and/or alien technology. Never mind how they got it; the point is they make nuclear weapons look like pipe bombs.
When first encountering another good guy team, there will always be a misunderstanding that leads to a huge battle scene. Then, level-headed-guy will step in, and the teams will band together to fight evil and have a quickie before going home. The next time, they meat there will be another misunderstanding….
No matter whom you are, your memories will be played with and you will find out when you are an adult that the people you thought raised you were really memory implants.
Every orphan has a terrible hidden past that even they do not know about. This past will inevitably come back to haunt them- right when they meet the one person in life who could make them happy.
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