Nature Songs ~~~~

JUNE, 2001 ~continued

June 20, 2001 - Oh well ... it was a long day yesterday, but those ideas I had about things to do? We didn’t do them. We didn’t get any watermelon over to Mother. BingoKid and I visited about suppertime and he helped the CNAs push wheelchairs to the dining room for supper. He enjoys getting out in the hall and talking to different ones. The science trip was not to be today. There was no time for it. There was no time for the boys to even turn on the television set all day! Now that is busy for kids this day and age.

We made it to Quest this morning and BingoKid went into the water while DynoKid had to spend the first two hours in the daycare. Actually, BingoKid went into the daycare rooms for a while, too. The keepers of the kids didn’t mind him being in there, so he spent some time back there today for awhile as well. The third hour we were there, the boys had to sit in the classroom at a table over at the side and play with the Gameboy game while I had my Better Weight Class. Boy, did I need its influence today. Missing last week and with all that has been going on around here, I had gained weight this week instead of losing. I need to get down to business and take this weight problem I have to heart and improve on living day to day habits.

Today was exceedingly busy!!! We got home by eleven a.m. and the boys went to look out in the field. It wasn’t long until they returned with four or five more boys. That happened to be just the beginning of an active day. The boys were quiet and out of the way for a long time. I got out and watered the flowers that were planted earlier this year. BingoKid had attempted to water them yesterday, but he didn’t take very long; therefore the flowers got only a scan drizzling of water apparently. I spent a long time with watering each of the areas we planted. In fact, I had to get my trusty plastic chair to sit in the shade of the maple tree and water some of the flowers and shrubs. (Wouldn’t you know that this afternoon we had a huge thunderstorm and a downpour of rain? Of course, most of that water ran off before soaking into the ground.)

Back to my recounting of the day - BingoKid, DynoKid and two of the other boys came walking up from the back of the house. Come to find out they had been to the top of the mountain again! This time, BingoKid brought them back by the church where I showed them before and it didn’t take as long and they were not out in the hot midday sun as long as when they walked the new roadway. In fact, they made a bet with three other boys that they could get back home quicker. They made the shortcut and the other boys went by the road and got gooey tar on their tennis shoes! The new road along that section is getting ready to be paved and they have done the red dirt with a mixture to harden it and topped it with tar.

During the afternoon, they were downstairs watching TV some and playing games loud enough I had to call them down several times and finally send they outdoors to play. They went through the frozen pops in the freezer like they were going out of style. I counted over twenty ends that had been snipped off during the afternoon and left on the edge of the counter. When Wes came by to pick up BingoKid we got busy and made a list of Do’s and Don’ts for the boys to abide by from now on. Our intent is to type them up, read over them with each boy and have the boys sign the paper. It will then be posted in the house when they can refer back to it in the future. At their age the time has come to set more definite limits and responsibilities.

My glasses are not repaired yet. Wonder if I may get them done tomorrow. I really enjoy wearing them more than the ones I am using now. They are smaller and much lighter to wear.

Lady was here bright and early this morning. She had almost finished her housecleaning magic by the time we returned from Quest. She will be happy with some of the new rules we are posting. Especially, the rule of no food or drink anywhere near the piano since she is the one that ends up having to shine it back to a glossy black. She opened the door to say something to the boys and zip! Charlie was off in a blinding flash! One of the boys caught him as he sped up the driveway, but it was merely minutes later and zoom! He was off scurrying a second time. This interval he got a lot further before being in tow and back home - happy as a lark that he got out to run ...

June 21, 2001 - There was this twinge in my back all day yesterday. At times it was more irritating and bothersome. I tried to push it off in a back closet of my mind, but it would creep out to nag me off and on all day. Today, it insisted on being acknowledged! When I stood up, it was in a sort of - stage in successive descents - or .... ascents. I think I made people who saw me creeping along as I unfurled my back look on me as a really antiquated and decrepit person. This was one day that it irked me to have men stand and wait with an open door until I arrived to pass through as they held it open for me. The kids - spry as baby goats - would skip right through the door and here I would come. “Seems I’m the slow one of the bunch.” “Oh, that’s okay. Just take your time. That’s quite all right.” So they day went ...

The boys were on their good behavior today. They spent most of their time inside. What time they did play with the neighborhood boys, it was outdoors. They enjoyed the chicken nuggets and potato wedges fixed here at home so much, they got more from the freezer on their own to bake and eat. DynoKid has been having barbecue sauce to dip his nuggets and potatoes in instead of tomato sauce. Now he has BingoKid hooked on barbecue sauce.

I offered to pick up Giggles this afternoon to make it a little easier on Dad since he was already in this county and he would only have to make one pick-up instead of two. It was a good thought, but after I got more than three-fourths of the way over to Morganton, DynoKid asked, “Where’s Giggles carseat?” We had to turn around and come back home to get the carseat sitting just inside the front door. That made us late getting back home and she didn’t get to come in the house for a little while.

Poor Dad had two crying children in the truck to take home. Both of them wanted to stay here. Giggles wanted to come inside for a while and DynoKid wanted to spend the night. I offered to pick up Giggles tomorrow and keep the two of them through the night to give him a little break. It has had to be a rough week for him to take both of them in different directions to stay for the day and pick them up at night. He is used to sharing the delivery and pick-up part of the day - plus - all there is to do at home with the children each day.

BingoKid called his other grandmother to come over and pick him up. I went to bed early..... Maybe tomorrow my back will feel a little healthier. It has to be changed for the better! I don’t think I’ll be able to lie around very much.

June 22, 2001 - This has been a fast week. It also has been a painful week. Maybe I’ll fair a little better today. I’m planning to go to Q4L, but ease up on the water movements. I almost forgot that I met several ladies this week at Quest that surprised me. For one, my sister-in-law that used to live next door to me has joined. She mentioned that each time she drives by her old house, she still gets a twinge in my chest thinking back to when she lived there. Her four children and mine grew up together playing in the woods and are still close today.

As I passed the whirlpool yesterday, a lady sitting in it asked if there was a class in the pool. I mentioned that it was a stretch and tone aerobics class and she was very interested in it saying that one day she would like to take it. I invited her to come and join in - and she did. Come to find out that she is an OBGY nurse at the hospital and had just come off the night shift. She went to nursing school with my niece and they were good friends! She began work back when my brother was with nursing homes and worked under him. She was very happy to meet me and get up to date with my niece. She also was having a flare-up of Fibromyalgia and met others in our group with the same problem - including me ...

Hope DynoKid remembers to bring his guitar today since he is supposed to go for his second lesson this afternoon. I’ll take him to Hickory before going to get Giggles since it is so hot to have to wait for his lesson. I can go by a store for thirty minutes to keep cool if I’m by myself. I need to check and see if ToysRUs has the special connector for her carseat that clips closed across her chest instead of just slipping onto the straps. She is bringing her arms out of the straps and that is not a safe way for her to ride in cars.

Okay ... things sort of went on schedule today. At least it went - all day!!! Mother’s visitation time was cut way down because, her namesake, Charlie Dog, decided to take a quick dash to freedom. Being that it was just me and DynoKid here at the house, we let him alone. He was out about twenty minutes, but since he was very hot, it was easy to entice him back indoors with some cheese. Thunderstorms were also brewing, so that also took some time away from Mother’s visit. At least, we took her some more Cokes, candy and fixed her a glass of ice and coke before we left.

We were in stormy weather before we got to Hickory, but the closer we got to the Music Center, the harder it rained and the wind blew. DynoKid got there exactly on time, but had to go into the center while it was raining. It cooled off the weather enough that I was able to sit out in the car and wait for him. The trip to Morganton to pick up Giggles was a slow one because of the rain and Friday traffic. We picked her up with only seven minutes to spare before we would have had to pay extra for being late.

Between Quest and the guitar lesson was a shopping trip. We had presents to buy for BusyKid’s birthday party this evening. I didn’t know about it until late yesterday. Other’s had gotten invitations, but I hadn’t heard what was planned. We got home just in time to rush and wrap the presents before heading over for the party at 6:30. Little Miss Giggles was as happy as she could be because she loves Birthdays. Best I could count - there were fourteen children and fourteen adults at the party. Needless to add that it was hard to get around and talk to everyone. With my back hurting as it did I mostly sat in one place and let others come to me. BingoKid came back with us for the night.

June 23, 2001 - Both boys went to bed fairly early downstairs, but DynoKid came back upstairs to the couch to sleep for most of the night. Giggles awoke at 4 a.m. and I put her in bed with me. She went back to sleep until around 6:30 and I got her some cereal and turned on the cartoons which bought me a little more time to rest. The back seems worse instead of better. Wonder? Could I be doing too much? Nah! It just wants to be cantankerous! I’d be much happier if it would stop some of its playing around and not stay tied up in a tight knot and allow me to straighten up my back.

Giggles took nearly a three hour nap in the middle of the day which gave us all a nice break. Before she went to sleep we got a call from Cannes, Australia. NascarKid is really excited. Tbird sounded really tired. They flew for three hours to be where they were at the time they called. They had rode camels for two hours that morning and did the hot air balloons the day before. Tomorrow, they make a trip into the rain forest riding in the type boats that can also travel across grass and wetlands. The next day they head out to the reefs and go scuba diving to see the coral reefs. Tbird bought her a five foot didigeraroo and had it shipped home. They are rather expensive because they are only made out of limbs that have been hollowed out by termites and it takes time to search the woods and landscape to find ones that will work. I still would like to have one ....

It was 4:30 before Dad came over to pick up Giggles and DynoKid. Both of them would liked to have stayed here longer, but I really was ready for a rest, and Dad needed them at home so they could get to church in the morning. It wasn’t long after that that BingoKid called his Papa to come pick him up. I had asked him to take some watermelon rinds to the garden and he chose to leave rather than have to carry them out. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to go to the garden. He went to it anyway after I told him the squash on the counter came from the garden. I ended up with cane in hand and trusty button strapped to my wrist (just in case I needed to ring for help) taking the rinds to the garden and checking my mail - plus bringing in the morning papers that were still out in the box.

Now to try to rest and get my back to feeling better.

June 24, 2001 - No church for this bode this morning. Hopefully I’ll feel like making it to the new pastor’s installation service this afternoon. If I do manage to go to the special program I’ll have to take my cane. Yes, it definitely helps to take some of the pressure off the painful area. It will probably be best if I can stick to the fact that I ought to stay home this week and let the hip and muscles rest up and heal. Exercise so far has only aggravated it and thinking back through the week, it appears that perchance it was the water exercising that instigated problem in the beginning. We did more kicking upward to the front and side and me (being me), I had to put a little more oomph into the kicks in an attempt to speed up losing weight and inches. That definitely was not a good thought for me.

Strange? Probably.
Predictable? Most likely.
Indifference of others? More than likely.
People all react in different ways to situations. There are some that may truly take an earnest interest. Others could care less. In the middle are a mixture of caring but not understanding the dire needs in the life of one with intense pain. Pain robs one of breath. Pain that prevents standing straight and tall or walking erect. It pulls all the way through the stomach from front to back. It throbs incessantly. Pain screams, “Do something to help me!” Muscle relaxants and pain medication doesn’t come close to taking the edge off.
Lying still on the bed, takes away the pulsing jabs that radiate outward. The slightest movement jars the left hip back to life. The pain stops abruptly at the midpoint of the spine. It dare not cross over. Thank goodness for small favors. I cringe to even think of having to move - much less rise up to my feet. To stand on my feet is to bring all the fury of the pain to its greatest wrath. I can only pray for relief, and strength to endure.

It is a very private battle with struggling to endure and understand. Why does it have to happen? Again and again it unleashes its ugly anger on my innermost being. Correspondingly, it brings back the memory of another battle of a deep-seated conscious agent. One that has brandished itself silently deep within since I was twenty years old. Memories can be very painful and this is a painful one. He was twenty as well. Ours was a love that was meant to be and even so, it was destined never to be.

We met the summer between the second and third years of my college days. I was working in a cafe of my cousin’s to earn money for the coming year at school. Truly one of those “love at first glance” moments. The time we spent together off and on through the following two and a half years will always be sealed in my heart with love. Searching for explanations and remedy of the trailing aftershock of love lost has been unsuccessful. Thoughts of anyone else is not an option as long as I know he is still out there. I dare not go in search because there are families to consider. I am alone, but to know whether he is or not I do not know. It does not seem to be a clear cut way to approach a long lost love without knowing the relationship he is in at the moment.

Why would two people that love each other choose to separate? It was a difficult choice which brought tears to both of us. Bottom line was the fact that my family would not and could not accept him into our family. His family in the eyes of my family was “beneath” us. They were poor people and lived a difficult life. He found his father dead sitting on a stump out in the middle of the cornfield when he was fifteen. Being the youngest of a large family, he was left home with just him and his mother. She was unable to work. They had little to live on. I didn’t care. My family did care and was determined to separate us. After much searching of my own heart, I knew that any attempt of marriage would not be accepted by my family. He knew that he could not marry and support a wife. He joined the army and was off to see the world. I met and married another man that I loved, but in a different kind of way. People can love more than once. I loved my husband. I love my children. I still love that one that lives in the shadow of my heart - never to be forgotten.

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