100 Tips on Mindful Communications

by Siavash Tabrizy, Ph.D.

  1. Maintain comfortable eye contact.
  2. Pay attention to non verbal communication.
  3. Stay with your feelings.
  4. Give your partner an emotional break.
  5. Focus on little changes vs. big ones.
  6. Know your powerlessness over changing your partner.
  7. The idea of "Unconditional Love" is a trap. A conditional being can not love unconditionally.
  8. Make specific requests regarding your wants vs. global requests.
  9. Use "I" language not "You" statements.
  10. Remember if your relationship is not working neither are you.
  11. You can be right or your can be in a relationship.
  12. Learn to make requests and take responsibility for your pleasant and unpleasant actions.
  13. Do not bombard your partner with his or her issues. Remember, a maximum of two complaints pers argument. Don't bring up old issues
  14. Mindful communication means being aware of your own inner conflict as opposed to taking your partner's life inventory.
  15. Associative thinking is a major stumbling block in communication, due to the fact that it keeps you either in the past or the future.
  16. Choose the right time and the right place for discussion.
  17. If your communication has come to an impasse, take 3-24. Do not reintroduce the same discussion before three hours and, do not let it go beyond 24 hours.
  18. Nuture small steps towards change and acknowledge your partner when he/she does well.
  19. If an issue is not resolved, it will rise again.
  20. Remember assertion has 3 steps: a) describe the scene, b) how are you impacted by it, c) what is it that you want.

To Be Continued

Dr. Tabrizy's new booklet, "100 tips on communication" will be released in mid-March. If you are interested in obtaining one, please send a check or money order for $6.95 + $2 for shipping and handling to TLC Center, 3408 E. Broadway Ave., Suite A, Long Beach CA 90803. Allow 4-6 weeks for delivery. Call or e-mail for more information. 562-987-2104, tlcwhc@cnmnetwork.com

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