COMMITTED EVERY CRIME IN THE BOOK OF CREATION
ALLAH SUBHANA WA T'ALA
| Aliases: Creator, Destroyer, Tyrant, Terminator, Most Pissed, Most Sadistic, Hell Raiser, Most Loving, Most Merciful, da' Most of too much. |
DESCRIPTION
| Date of Birth: | ???? | Hair: | All-Stylish |
| Place of Birth: | The febrile imaginations of the anthropocentric ancients | Eyes: | All-Seeing |
| Height: | ???? | Complexion: | Blindingly Luminous |
| Weight: | E=mc², therefore E/c²=m, Allah's infinite energy demonstrates an infinite mass-ergo He's a big fatso. | Sex: | phallocentric |
| Build: | Theocratic World Dictatorships- NOW!! | Tribe: | Banu Shem |
| Occupations: | Unemployed, Sleeps on his cosmic "kursi" couch smoking weed, and watching "Leave it to Beaver." Occasionally sends a plague or supernatural disaster for kicks. | ||
| Remarks: | Known to have destroyed the Cities of Old- be afraid- be very afraid and don't reject his messengers...rather pissy on that point.... | ||
| Scars and Marks: | Covered by veils, to avoid the extinction of his creatures by the sheer majesty of his visage. | ||
CAUTION
ALLAH WILL SEND EARTHQUAKES, VOLCANOES, HURRICANES,
CONSIDERED ARMED AND EXTREMELY DANGEROUS TO MUSHRIK DISBELIEVERS
IF YOU HAVE ANY INFORMATION CONCERNING THIS Deity PLEASE RUN FOR YOUR LIFE OR TAKE SHAHADAH. DO NOT CONFRONT, OR THE ANGELS WILL SWOOP DOWN AND SEVER YOUR JUGULAR VEIN.
REWARD
5,000 dark-eyed houris to the informant who locates Allah's hiding place. (It's almost as if the universe is unaware of his existence, with the contradictions between the Qur'an and natural phenomenon. Well, if NASA didn't cover up the footage of the jinn being attacked by flaming "stars" in outer space that is.)
February 2000