Happy Purim5760 2000 (Greetings & Links):

BS"D
Mon night-Tuesday. 14 Adar 5760 (Mar.21,2000),  (from LA.,Ca.)

Dear Friends,
--------------

*{Click here first, and Surf-While-You-Hear}{swyh}:
   1)Song=="Chag-Purim":(1 min)
  (It should be playing in the background automatically, 
        Can you hear it ??).
   2)Song-tune=="Ani-Purim":(55sec).


 Mon. night&Tuesday. is Purim ,
 I wish you the Happiest Purim,fun,dancing,drinking.:
Megilah(2),    "Al-Hanissim..",
Presents to the poor(2),       Mishloach-Manot(2),
Seudah(feast),  and get drunk during the Seudah,
and the tradition of getting dressed with costume &
mask (disguise)......

Hope u didn't get the latest AchashVirus ;-)         (JK)
Did u hear Vashti (the 1st queen) ....had a tail ;-) (no K.)

*1) Greeting-Cards:
  a) my Purim Greeting-Card for you.......CLICK here: 
      (hope you'll hear the music-background):

  b) another Purim Greeting card (cute):


*2) MUSIC:(Audio):
  a) some special purim music:  click here: {S-W-Y-H}: 
  (about Humentashen...(oznei-Haman)):--(may NOT work !!)
   
  b) another great song...: click here:{swyh}:
      (about Achashverosh..) :--(may NOT work !!)
   
  c) IMPORTANT:
     Hear the Megillah online!
     if you missed the  Reading of Megilat-Esther,
     you can click here and hear, using "Real-Audio",
     complete sound of: blessings+reading (in Hebrew) of
     the whole Megilah (78 min.,by a local cantor,of LA)),
     Have you ever heard the Reading on the Web !?,click:
     (RealAudio old link, for 14k modems)
   (OR, hope it still works, try it instead: )--(may NOT work !!)
   OR,  Download the whole Megila ( right click link and select
         "save target as" ):

  d) The story & Megilah in English , for those who don't
      understand Hebrew/or what the story is all about,
     ( geared for Children and young at heart ),(Eng.-40min.),
      CLICK here:--(may NOT work !!)

  e) The "Real Purim Story", with humor--according to
     the spirit of the end of the 20th. century,
     (This is Purim Torah ( not serious) and to be taken in the
       spirit of the holiday )(6 min.,in English, FUNNY!),
     click here:--(may NOT work !!)
     
  f) This is a record of a phone call from,
     "The Golem (3)" :--(may NOT work !!)
     
  g) many CDs & Cassettes related to Purim on: 
     www.Jewishmusic.com:(LINKS):

  h)  STAND-UP ON VJ RADIO: (new,Eng.~~)--(may NOT work !!)

  i)  PURIM IN JERUSALEM - ON VIDEO!: (on M.P,(4:10m))



*3)more wonderful Purim  LINKS:
  a) PURIM QUIZ!!! WIN PRIZES!!!
    (12 Q., very easy)

  b) Educator's Guide;   Purim Themes

  c) more Purim LINKS (37 sites):
    
  d) many LINKS about Purim (5 main links there):
  d) and more Purim-Links (many sites):
    
  e) many LINKS about Purim ,(mainly Audio links)
                (and scroll through the links....)


*4) finally, check links (and more...)on my Website;  SOON ,will
    be updated again: many interesting ones.... (Guaranteed !!!)


simcha to all,
Gad
in L.A.



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A special story for Purim: (Humoristic):


21st Century Megilah:

 Chapter I
  And it came to pass in the third year of the reign of
 Achashverosh, King of Persia, that the King threw a great
 party.  And it was during that party, that the King became
 intoxicated and called for his wife Vashti to come dance naked
 in front of the guests.  Now, Vashti was a liberated woman, and
 was not at all ashamed to display her body in public ("my body,
 my choice," she used to say).  But she was certainly not going
 to do so at the behest of a male chauvinist like her husband.
 So she refused to appear, and the following morning, in
 addition to a major hangover, Achashverosh had one royal-size
 sexual harassment suit waiting for him.  Public opinion
 quickly turned against the King, and he was forced to settle
 out of court for an undisclosed sum of money.

 Chapter II
  It was after those events that the King missed Vashti, and
 wanted to find a new wife.  He consulted his inner circle of
 advisors, which, in accordance with multi-cultural practices,
 consisted of, among others, one woman, one Indian, one
 Ethiopian, and one handicapped person, who was also rumored to
 be gay.  One of his advisors, Memoochan, suggested holding a
 beauty contest, attended by all the fairest maidens in the
 land.  But his female advisor informed him that Memoochan was a
 Neanderthal living in the dark ages, and that beauty contests
 where men gawk at women walking around in swimsuits had long
 ago gone out of fashion.  Instead, she suggested giving a test
 in such subjects as physics, literature and music, and the most
 intelligent woman would be made queen.  And the King, already
 lagging in the public opinion polls, had no choice, and he said
 to make it so. Now it just so happened that in the Kingdom of
 Persia there lived a young Jewish girl named Esther who was
 very beautiful, but much more importantly, had a 195 IQ. 
 Having successfully sued her parents for termination of
 custody, she had been living with her uncle Mordechai. Esther
 aced the test and was chosen to be the new queen. 
 Only, the homosexual community objected the word "queen", and
 the feminists didn't like the whole gender-based title thing,
 so it was decided that she would just be called "Royal 
 Person."  So Esther was crowned Royal Person of Persia and was
 married to King Achashverosh, 
 though she kept her own last name.   And being that Esther was
 an intelligent woman in her own right, and had no intention
 whatsoever of sitting quietly next to the King looking pretty,
 she was given her own staff of 15 and an office in the west
 wing of the palace.  

 Chapter III
  It was after those events that King Achashverosh elevated his
 advisor Haman to be his chief advisor.  There were some
 protests by the African-Persian community because he hadn't
 selected an African Persian to be his top advisor, by the
 appointment went through anyway.  It turned out the Haman was a
 big anti-Semite, and he asked the King's permission to kill all
 the Jews, which he got.  So Haman sent out a proclamation to
 all the lands in the kingdom outlining his plan. Distressed,
 the Jews sought a court-issued injunction to stop Haman from
 sending it.  But Haman was defended by the head of the Persian
 Civil Liberties Union, who ironically was also Jewish, and who
 claimed that the injunction would violate Haman's right to
 free speech.  And the injunction was not issued, so the
 proclamation was sent.

 Chapter IV
  And Mordechai knew of all that had happened, and he donned a
 black ribbon as a sign of morning.  And Esther sent a messenger
 to Mordechai to console him, but he would not be consoled.  Then
 Mordechai sent word back to Esther that she should go the King
 and ask him to stop the impending killing of all the Jews. 
 Esther replied that other social issues, such as the
 environment and harassment in the workplace were more pressing,
 but Mordechai persuaded her as to the urgency of the matter,
 and she agreed. 
 Mordechai suggested calling all the Jews to synagogue for three
 days of fasting and prayers, but Esther thought that was way
 outdated, and instead called for a non-denominational
 candlelight vigil, and it was so.

 Chapter V
  And it came to pass on the third day that Esther put on her
 smartest business suit and went to see the King.  The King
 offered Esther up to half his assets, which he was actually
 required to give her anyway, based on their pre-nup.  Esther
 told the King that she had come to invite him and Haman to a
 big party she was throwing the next day.  The King was very
 excited, and both he and Haman showed up to Royal Person
 Esther's party.  The King, for his part, was careful not to
 violate the out-of-court settlement he had made with Vashti,
 and there was none of that "dance naked" stuff that night. 
 The party was a big hit, with performances by Fleetwood Mac and
 crowd favorite Barbra Streissand.  And Esther informed the King
 that both he and Haman were also invited to her next party,
 being thrown the following day on Martha's Vineyard.  Upon
 leaving the party, Haman spotted his old nemesis Mordechai,
 which ruined his night.  
 Haman's wife advised Haman to build a gallows 50 Amot tall and
 ask the King to have Mordechai hanged the next day.  She
 further advised him to quit referring to her as "Haman's
 Wife."  And he built the gallows.

 Chapter VI
  That night, the King had trouble sleeping.  He called for his
 servants to bring him a video to watch, but since having gotten
 rid of all his stag films as part of his sensitivity training
 following the Vashti debacle, all they had left were a bunch of
 movies filmed in Montana and produced by Robert Redford.  So
 they brought him the royal archives instead, and there he read
 that Mordechai had done him a big favor a few years back.  Just
 then, Haman came in, and the King asked him what to do for
 someone to whom he owed a favor.
 Haman suggested maybe an ambassadorship to some insignificant
 but warm-climate country, or maybe letting him spend a night in
 the palace's "Lincoln Bedroom."  But the King decided to have
 Haman lead Mordechai around on a horse throughout the streets
 of Shushan. 
 However, the animal rights activists got wind of the King's
 plan, and they went nuts, so it was decided that Haman would
 just lead Mordechai around on foot.  And it was so.  When he
 was done leading Mordechai around, Haman walked home,
 despondent.  But no sooner had he returned home than the King's
 messengers arrived to bring him to Esther's second party. 
 Haman's wife realized that her husband was doomed and commented
 that she had always known he wound never amount to anything.  

 Chapter VII
  And the King and Haman came to drink with Royal Person
 Esther.  And it was during the party that Esther shocked the
 King by telling him that someone in that very room was plotting
 to kill her and all the other Jews.  "Who is that man?" yelled
 the King.  To which Esther replied "What makes you so sure it's
 a man?  You don't think that a women is capable of killing all
 the Jewish people?"  After an awkward silence, Esther told the
 King that is was, in fact, a man, and it was none other than
 his chief advisor Haman!  The King stormed out in a fit a rage
 and meanwhile Haman begged at Esther's feet for her to spare
 his life.  He told her how he had grown up in a broken home,
 was raised by a crack-selling mother and had never had a normal
 childhood. 
 Esther declared Haman to be a product of society's failure to
 protect its children.  So Haman's crime of "attempted genocide"
 was reduced to "issuing proclamations without a license" and he
 was given the relatively light sentence of five-to-seven 
 years.  After serving just two years of that sentence, he was
 given time off for good behavior and paroled.  And the
 following year, the residents of Shushan elected Haman as their
 mayor, his being a felon notwithstanding.  Meanwhile, Esther
 convinced the King to come to terms with his anger and latent
 feelings of hostility towards women, and the King entered a 12-
 step program and when he was through, his anger had subsided.

 Chapter VIII
  That day, the King gave Esther Haman's house, and she told the
 King that Mordechai was her uncle.  And Mordechai asked the
 King's permission for the Jews to rise up and kill their
 enemies.  But Esther would have no such thing, and instead, she
 arranged for a dialog being the Jewish leaders and the leaders
 of the people of Shushan.  And while they couldn't overcome all
 their differences, they did agree to joint-author a letter of
 mutual acceptance and tolerance.

 Chapter IX
  And in the twelfth month, the month of Adar, on the day when
 the Jews were supposed to have been exterminated, the Jews held
 a three-day conference of the Leaders of Jewish Organizations. 
 And during that conference, they agreed that a holiday should
 be established-the holiday of Purim.  A holiday of charity and
 gift-giving.  A holiday of brotherly love.  A holiday where
 alternate-side-of-the-street parking rules would be suspended. 
 A holiday where Jewish kids could dress up like Ninja Turtles
 and Power Rangers and not have to feel that they had missed out
 on something by not celebrating Halloween.  And a proclamation
 was sent out to all the King's lands, in all 127 languages,
 plus Ebonics.  And the Jews were careful not to mention G-d's
 name, lest any of the gentiles be offended.

 Chapter X
  And King Achashverosh-the kinder and gentler King Achashverosh
 -levied a tax across the land, to raise money to pay for
 welfare and public television.
 And the great deeds of Royal Person Esther and her uncle
 Mordechai were duly recorded in the annals of Persia. 


(end)