I can't do this to myself. I shouldn't completely shut down. I over-dramatize my emotions. I try to turn depression into beauty, but I don't feel beautiful. I remember in elementary school, teachers always told me not to start every sentence with "I". I suppose it's good to teach children variation--but she they be taught self-suppression at the same time?

I feel dead inside today.

I blame Valentine's.

I can make myself happy. It's something, believe it or not, that you can teach yourself.
Who does the voice in the radio love? Not me. He doesn't know who I am. He hasn't thought that somewhere in Eastern North America there is a lonely 18 year old girl writing in a notebook. It's an inadvertent journal. I didn't mean it to be--i still don't, in fact. But my thoughts and feelings seep into everything I do. These pieces of me break through my shield.

HA! I don't have an emotional shield! I have emotions, and I have perceptions. I perceive emotions that aren't there. Maybe I'm not depressed, maybe I just misunderstand myself...

When I was a little girl I wanted my name to be Melissa, so it could change. I could let certain people call me certain things. I could be Mel, or Melly, or Lissy or Lissa, or Elisa. Or maybe the name Elizabeth, so i could be Liz or Eli or Beth or Eliza or Liza. I wanted a plethora of adaptations.

But I think I'm being just Ingrid. Simplify.