That's right. I said I'm in band. What are you gonna do about it, punk?

Yeah, so I'm in band. Yup. Sure am. Go ask my band director. Yes, it's true, I'm not really truly in band, but a lot of people think I am. I'm really a vocalist and I play the piano occasionally. Can you imagine marching with a piano? IN A BAND UNIFORM? Here's a list of things to explain.

1.) The conductor has to look at me for a good 3 minutes before he realizes I'm not actually in band.

2.) I tell people I'm in band, they ask what I play and I tell them either the triangle or the clarinet. They believe me.

3.) The conductor asks me how I'm doing.

4.) I'm on the school's danceline (like a cheer squad), but after dancing, I sit with the band.

5.) I stay in the band room until the last possible minute and then finally go to Advanced Topics.

6.) I've been in a band uniform.

7.) I yell at freshman who leave their band uniforms on the floor.

8.) I yell at freshman who screw with the piano

9.) The conductor then proceeds to agree with me after I yell.

10.) I've marched. I've gone to the picnic. I've stripped. In the heat.

11.) I know the importance of not getting food on your uniform not from dance, but from band.

12.) I march better than freshmen

13.) When sending band emails, I somehow get on the mailing list

14.) I know what shakos and spats are

15.) I've cheered for the band. I do it. I yell, "GO BAND!" "BUY CONCESSIONS AND SUPPORT THE BAND" even when danceline is selling seat cushions to raise money.

16.) The band director didn't kick me out for doing "YMCA" and making my friends laugh so they couldn't play.

17.) Band cards. I can shuffle band cards and deal them at normal/fast speed.

18.) I'm up-to-date on all the latest band news.

19.) I bug my friends until they put a vocal part in their composition assignments

20.) The band director compliments my friends, and how their friends (meaning me, only me) are supportive of band. (see 15)

21.) The stereotypical (and sometimes real) danceliner dates football players. I date guys from band.

22.) My friends all hit me because I'm not in step, or because I AM in step. I can't win.

23.) Reeds. I kinda want one. You know, just to put in my mouth and look cool.

24.) I've peed clear. (Don't get it? Click here.)

25.) My friends will start humming a band song. If I know it, I'll join in just as enthusiastically. If I don't, I plunge into a deep depression and ask myself, "HOW? HOW COULD I MISS OUT ON SUCH FUN?!?!"

26.) There's a joke that I live in a cardboard refrigerator box on this street called Summit. One day, my friends and I walked into band and there was just this sad, empty cardboard box. We all exclaimed that it was my home. And it was true.

27.) Even though I'm only there for passing time, I'll be explaining a story to my non-band friends and start out, "So I was in band yesterday..."

28.) When I ditch with my friends, I don't leave the school. I go to the band room. (see 30)

29.) I've picked up garbage on the band room floor. After school. While working on a project.

30.) I ditched a pep rally to help put away uniforms.

31.) I'm doing an independent study in music... to be in band. So I'm ACTUALLY in band now. Be afraid. be very afraid.

32.) I'm in college now. And yet... I still manage to have a whole bunch of friends in band. I didn't even try. *weeps* I didn't even try.

I'll have more. Don't fear. Or perhaps you should. You can run away now. NOW!