This page will answer the ultimate question, "Am I funny?"
If you fail this test, you will fail at life and your mommy will be very, very disappointed in you. And you don't want to disappoint your mommy, do you?
Actually, I'm just kidding. This test doesn't determine whether or not you have a sense of humor, but whether or not you'll find the rest of my pages in the humor section funny. The concept is simple: just follow the yellow brick road. And by yellow brick road, I mean directions.
Okay, first up:
Do you find the following things funny?
1.) The opener to this page ("This page...do you?")
2.) Dead puppies. (Well, not REAL ones lying on the street, but you know, like the commercial, "Dead puppies are no fun, they cannot chase squirrels...")
3.) Your mommy's jokes.
4.) Your mommy's wardrobe.
5.) Strange noises like "snerk!", "ngaa...", and "fuh-flahnin!"
6.) The statement, "Gee, I had a walnut once."
7.) The statement, "If I had a lot of money, like I didn't spend it, or I didn't bury it, I like to buy gloves!"
8.) Miniature chickens, sliding in a bowl of tapioca pudding, going, "BucAWK!" every time they run into the side of the bowl, their eyes widening.
9.) Conversations about making edible parts of shoes to prevent starvation on a desert island and then getting attacked by lobsters. LOBSTERS!!!!
10.) The exclamation, "LOBSTERS!!!!" in the last question.
11.) The statement, "Symbolism like JESUS!!!!" (no disrespect to anyone, especially Jesus, we basically want to know if you can have your religion and eat it too. And by "eat" I mean, not take it overly seriously to see the humor in life.)
If you thought EVERYTHING was funny, give yourself 7 points. If you thought NOTHING was funny, give yourself 2 points. If you thought most everything BUT number 3 was funny, give yourself 10 points. If you thought most everything BUT 4 and 11 was funny, give yourself 5 points. Lighten up, man.
... Hey, for you 2 pointers out there, you KNOW that those are just conciliatory points, right? We just don't want you to feel bad, is all.
NOW for multiple choice. How would you answer these questions?
1.) 2+2=
a.) 4 b.)5 c.) 4, stupid!!!! d.)whyyyyyyyy is it soooooo long? Like the Mexican Revolution!!!!
2.) When walking along a busy street, you encounter 2 lobsters. One of them lies all the time, one of them only tells the truth you...
a.) ask one of the lobsters what the other would say. b.) wonder how the heck you're going to understand lobster. c.) exclaim loudly in a booming hick voice, "Well, it's lobster for dinner at my house!!!!" pick the lobsters up, and run off, waving them for all the world to see. d.) Kick them with a steel toe boot.
3.) Finish this song... "I would like a llama. A llama? A llama! I would like a llama and..."
a.) "Wait a minute, why on earth would I want a llama?" b.) "the spleen of whoever invented this song!" c.) "A prune." d.) "A lobotomy."
4.) I like to laugh...
a.) only when nobody cares about my snorting. b.) whenever. c.) Allll de time! d.) Ha ha ha! *Snort!* I can't... I can't breathe!!!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha...*gasp* AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHH... *snort choke wheeze*
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Scoring for the multiple choice
You better not have peeked, or else oversized ladybugs will come into your room at night and eat your toes!!!!
Your toes!!!!
1.) a.) 0 points. you're one of the 2 pointers, aren't ya? b.) 1 point. that was a "meh" answer. c.) 3 points. pretty cute, there. d.) 5 points. Good job, man. The Mexican revolution all the way.
2.) a.) 0 points. you're smart in figuring it out, but it's a humor page, sweetie. You just don't learn, do ya? b.) 1 point. Cute, but sorry. c.) 5 points. Booming hick voices, waving lobsters, there's some prime humor right there. Good ups, yo. Okay remind me to hit myself. d.) 3 points kicking animals is funny, but sad in real life. REAL LIFE.
3.) a.) Negative 3 points. everyone wants a llama. b.) 1 point. I'm giving you that one point because you said "spleen". it's an awesome song. c.) 3 points. Very cool answer, but not as cool as d.) 5 points. *laughs* oh a lobotomy! It's so morbid, it's great.
4.) a.) 0 points. stop being so self-conscious, you white girl! Sorry. Don't be offended, please. b.) 1 point. Again, a "meh" answer. c.) 2 points. It would've been 3, but you said "de" instead of "the." Sorry. d.) 5 points. oh, it's great. Slightly scary, but 5 points anyways.
SOOOOOOOOOOoo...
Here's the range of scores:
0-2 points: Okay, I don't know how you got 0, you were supposed to at least get 2 conciliatory points, but yes. I don't really think you are suited for the humor on these pages. If you're mostly here for the poetry and stories, go right ahead and delve into that. Wouldn't recommend sticking around here in the humor though.
3-7 points: Hmm... I wouldn't recommend you guys sticking around either, but, if you're amused, I'm not going to stop you.
8-10 points: Maybe you just don't understand ALL the jokes yet. Read on, maybe you will.
11-22 points: Feel free to cruise the site and laugh.
23-30 points: Okay, you guys are like, almost my brain twins. If you got 30, you definitely are. I suggest that you keep checking in for more hilarious stuff.
| ALL OF YOU WHO GOT 3-30 POINTS | ALL OF YOU WHO GOT 0-2 POINTS |