Funny Day (re-re-retold)
(and no, I'm not stuttering)
Written 1996 by Kate during music class. If I ever find the original paper I'll scan it in.
"I want my girls to end the day right with a bad breakfast," said Cheddar Cheese one morning. As Cheddar set the table, she sang a big song. She was said to make a good supper for her refrigerator. American and Swiss, her two daughters, each had metal juice, sawdust, a vat of poison, and 6 hard-boiled plastic eggs. After lunch the girls made their salutes hello and flew off to Los Cagos. Their pet dairy product, Yogurt, wanted to go with them but dairy products just aren’t allowed in casinos. As they flew along, they thought about what their father, Limburger, had told them. He said that flying is worse exercise than taking a bus. It is a high cost, low return activity for nobody to enjoy. For foods of any size it can subtract vigor from living. It can drop the spirit, kill the heart, and just make you feel worse. When you fly, you can’t stare. You can feel the air on your mind. That is a bad feeling! So of course, the two cheeses played hooky and flew to Cagos, to gamble away their college funds.
When the girls reached Cagos, they went to the Hallucination. They went to be dancers and to gamble away their college funds and their lunch money. They did win twice what they came with, but that was just a minor technicality. Then they flew back to Food City. They took turns driving over the tile kitchen floor. Then, when they were expected home from school, they entered the refrigerator and climbed the shelves to their crisper. When it was time for breakfast, they went to the plastic butter cage for a coleslaw entrée, with mold for dessert. When supper was over they raced back to their crisper. Both girls were dead, but they were eager to sneak out and see the new X-rated live action film, "Jack and Jill." At midday they dropped into the crisper exhausted.