"You're my peace of mind in this crazy world, you're everything I've tried to find, your love is a pearl. You're my Mona Lisa, you're my rainow skies, And my only prayer, is that you realize, you'll always be beautiful in my eyes." (7) VII. After leaving the Captain's ready room, I pondered my next location. I didn't really feel like going back to my quarters, and for once the holodeck didn't seem very appealing. I'd learned too much in the last few hours to while it all away at the resort, or Sandrine's. So, if I wasn't going to my quarters or the holodeck, where was the next best place? Ah. Back to the mess hall, of course. The mess hadn't always been a good place for me - a place where I'd had to endure countless stares, ignore the whispers that were spoken a little too loud, and just generally stay out of everyone's way. After awhile, though, the stares had developed into friendly smiles, the whispers into cheerful hellos, and I even learned to mingle a little, and enjoy it. It felt good. Somewhere along the line, after the undercover mission, after B'Elanna and I became friends, and after Chakotay and I had allowed room for a grudging respect, the people on Voyager came to respect me, too, and see me in a different light than Tom Paris the Screw-Up at Caldik Prime. I stepped out of the turbolift outside the mess and peered around for someone I knew, B'Elanna or Harry, or Meg Delaney. Harry was hesitating in the doorframe, but as he turned his eye caught mine and I gave a small wave. "Tom," he said happily. "I was just going to call you. Hungry?" I realized that, though B'Elanna and I had ventured to the mess for a talk which had been relocated to my quarters, I hadn't actually paused for something to eat. "Starved," I replied, wincing at a sudden pain in my back. "Your back?" Harry asked sympathetically, and I nodded. "Kes warned me there'd be days like this." I followed Harry slowly to the bank of replicators. Hmm. Anything I wanted.... "Toma -- *hot*, *plain*, tomato soup," I amended hastily, elicting amused glances from the scattered crewmembers. Me and my tomato soup was something of a story around Voyager. "Tommy's Tantrum", I believe it was known as. I staked a claim at an out-of-the-way corner table as I waited for Harry to finish making his choices. Harry brought his tray over a moment later, settling himself down happily to his, er, meal. I looked at it dubiously. "And you're eating....?" He glanced up, fork paused midway to his mouth. "Hm?" I shook my head. "Never mind." I didn't want to know. I was better off that way. I took a tenative sip of my own soup, frowning at the slightly cheesy taste. The computer must have slipped some of those Bolian-style cheese towers in when I wasn't looking. My mouth twisted at the thought. Harry smiled. "Fourteen varieties and they can't even get plain tomato soup right." I arched an eyebrow. Yep. "Tommy's Tantrum" was still going strong. I leaned back casually in my chair, stirring my "soup". "So, Harry," I ventured nonchalantly, "you and Kes, huh?" Not that I had a problem with that. In fact, I thought they were great for each other. Harry grinned, dipping his head in acknowledgement. "Got a problem with that, Paris?" His tone was light, but I could tell he was waiting for a serious answer. My hands went up in mock surrender. "Not at all." Harry seemed to relax a little, and he nodded. "Good." I was surprised at his sincere tone. "Would it have made any difference what I'd said?" Harry chose not to answer, just smiled a little. My throat tightened a little. He'd actually cared. Harry actually cared what I thought of him and Kes together. "Harry," I said softly, "I think you two are great together." Relief washed across Harry's face. "It means a lot to hear you say that, Tom." He paused. "Tom, I -- " he began, then stopped. "What?" I prodded. "I...." He sighed, his boyish face twisting into a frown. "It's good to have you back, Tom." I was stunned by the utter honesty in his face and voice. "Thanks, Harry," I mumbled. "I'm glad to, uh, be back." I never knew what to say to things like that! Most comments I could smooth away with an easy remark, but the really sincere ones broke me up every time. "Don't get all mushy on me, okay, Harry?" Harry grinned. "And no hugging!" I added quickly. Harry just grinned wider. "What?" I asked, looking around nervously. To my immense relief, only Kes had entered, and was weaving her way toward our table. "Harry, don't scare the poor girl," I warned, chuckling. Ah, to be young and in love. Me, well, I was just young. There was a difference between being in love, and loving someone. It's kind of complicated. I love B'Elanna, with all my heart, but I'm not "in love" with her. I'm in love with everything about her. I sighed. Love was too complicated. It taxed my vocabulary. "Kes," Harry greeted warmly. "Hi, Kes," I added. "Sit down, join us." She complied, giving us a each a warm grin, but she lingered on Harry. I smiled. At least it was mutual. "Harry, Tom. Tom, how's your back?" "Sore," I replied, "but fine." Kes nodded. "Good." Silence settled over the table, and suddenly I had the feeling I was intruding. "Uh, I think I'll wander over to -- ow!!" My back suddenly felt like it'd been touched with a hot poker. I staggered and grabbed the table for support. In an instant, Harry's hand was under my arm and Kes' arm was around my waist. "Tom," Harry asked worridly, "are you okay?" I breathed deeply, ignoring the thin film of sweat that had broken out on my forehead. "Fine," I gasped. "Just let me sit down for a minute -- " "Come on," Kes tugged my arm gently, which only increased the pain. "We need to get you back to sickbay." She looked at Harry as she spoke, and between them they started me walking towards the doors. "I'm fine," I hissed through clenched teeth. "Aw, c'mon, people are staring again!!" Kes ignored my protests as she and Harry continued to drag me towards sickbay. "Don't make me go back," I pleaded. "Just let me die in peace." Anywhere but sickbay. Again. My second home. Maybe my first. My head hung limply, my chin sunk on my chest as I stumbled between them. My whole body felt like it was shutting down, nothing wanted to move the way it should. Perspiration sheened down my face and dampened my hair and collar. When we reached the turbolift I leaned limply against the wall, trying to focus my energies on seeing straight and ignoring the pain. Kes was talking to Harry in a rush, but I couldn't make out any of the words through the pounding in my head. When the doors hissed open they hustled me inside sickbay and I closed my eyes against the glaring light. * * * * * Evenstar17@hotmail.com -- ------------------------------------------------------------------ Jessica Ferroni Evenstar17@hotmail.com, jferroni@shilohcc.com There are three kinds of people in this world: Those who can count, and those who can't.