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 "Love has found a magic space, A deep and hidden place, Where time 
stands still
Now I hold you in my arms, You know you hold my heart, And always will
And you and I, here we are, And it's a wonder That we've come this far
And after all that we've been through, You've leaned on me, I've leaned 
on you
Do you dream of me? And when you're smiling in your sleep,
Beyond the promises we keep, Do you dream of me?"(6)


VI.

"What??!" I asked, incredulous. "You're kidding, right?" A flood of
emotions soared through me all at once: joy, apprehension, wonder,
amazement, sadness. "We're....home?"
  B'Elanna was quick to amend. "I meant, we've still got a long way to
  go, but two weeks ago Tuvok found a stable wormhole. Captain Janeway
couldn't resist. We all knew the risks and we agreed with her. It took
almost thirty years off our journey; we're in the Gamma Quadrant, Tom."
  Still I stared. "The Gamma Quadrant??" No.... 
  B'Elanna nodded, excitement in her features. "Uh-huh." 
  For some reason, I was irritated by her joyfulness. "Why are you so 
happy about it?" *This can't be....the Gamma Quadrant?* Still I refused
to believe it.
  Her gaze leveled with mine. "This is what we've all been wanting,
Tom! Think, no more leola root," she added teasingly, but I remained
annoyed at her cheerfulness. She must have caught the look on my face,
because she said, "Tom, I know you don't want to go back to Earth, but
I'm sure the captain can do something - all the Maquis trust her to
help straighten things out with Stafleet." I flinched at the mention of
the Maquis.
  "And where does that leave me, B'Elanna?" I asked icily.
  She stopped, her face flushing, and silence followed my question.
Then she tossed her dark hair defiantly.
  "She'll speak for you, too." 
  "And you think that'll do any good?"
  "Tom," she said firmly, "You'd still be in this position if you'd
been the one to pilot us through the wormhole. You'd still be headed
for Earth."
  "No, I wouldn't," I returned bitterly. "I would have stayed in the
Delta Quadrant."

  I stared at the ceiling of my quarters, wishing there were tiles to
count. My back was killing me. Absently, I rubbed the spot where the
- what had it been? - well, whatever-it-was had embedded itself into
my back, and I was surprised to find a small, puckered scar mark 
I could feel through the cloth of my uniform. Hmmm. Interesting.
Normal medical procedure was to remove the scar unless the patient 
requested otherwise; I couldn't remember asking the Doctor to leave it. 
Ah well, just another mystery to be solved. I relocated it to the
Mysteries To Solve folder of my brain. 
  The rhythmatic thumping of Dice's tail against my legs continued, the
only movement in my quarters. B'Elanna had long gone.
  *I shouldn't have gotten so annoyed at her,* I thought wearily. *It's
not her fault she's excited about the prospect of going home.* Now I
knew, from now on, there would always be that sense of dread lurking in
the back of my mind, because somewhere in the Gamma Quadrant was the
famous wormhole, leading back to the Alpha Quadrant, my father, and
prison.
  Thump, thump, thump. I reached down to absently pet Dice. She whined
and nosed my palm. She knew something was wrong with her master, I
guessed. She always knew.
  From the first day I'd had her, I knew we had something special.
Almost like the first time I met B'Elanna.
  Despite my bleak mood, I felt a grin cross my face. How would
B'Elanna feel being compared with Dice? My Bella.
  We had an odd relationship, B'Elanna and I, and one that had been 
steadily growing - it fact, it was almost our "anniversary" of the
day we'd put petty bickering and rivalry behind us and become friends.
And I knew, almost as if she had told me herself, one day we would
be one. I just had to get the nerve to ask her. 
  I sighed bitterly. One more opportunity robbed. I'd been about to
ask her before the away mission - yeah, me, Tom Paris. I'd been ready
to propose to B'Elanna Torres. Until the away mission.
  Now there was a six month gap between us, and I was unsure how to
bridge it. It would definitely take some of that famous Paris T&I -
Thought and Improvisation.
  "Janeway to Paris." 
  I groaned. I had, of course, forgotten the Captain's request. Better 
just make that the Paris I - obviously there was no thought involved 
with me. I stuck my tongue out at the thought and tapped my commbadge.
  "Uh, Captain," I covered, "I was just on my way to see you." 
  "Good, Tom." Janeway's voice still held the light tone I'd heard
earlier. "I look forward to seeing you. Janeway out."
  I blew air out through thinned lips. Great. I rose, steadfastly 
ignoring the pain in my back that had been a constant throughout the
day, and headed for the door.

  She was as beautiful as she had been six months ago. To my mind, 
Kathryn Janeway would always be the symbol of the word beautiful. Not
just physically - though she was lovely - but she was also strong,
intelligent, and trusting. She reminded me of the mother I barely 
knew. My mom died when I was eleven, leaving my two older sisters to
keep an eye out for me while my dad was away, which, as I grew older,
became more and more frequent. Maybe that was why he and Captain Janeway
were - are - so close. Maybe she reminds him of Mom.
  I bit my lip to stop the flood of emotions that threatened to 
overwhelm me. "Captain."
  She smiled beautifully. "Tom. Sit down." 
  I complied, seating myself on the low couch and trying not to fidget.
I about went into shock when she sat down beside me instead of at her 
customary place behind the desk - the more things change indeed! This 
was interesting. Another Mystery To Solve.
  Her warm gray eyes sparkled merrily. "I trust Lieutenant Torres has
filled you in on Voyager's status?"
  "Yes, ma'am," I replied, controlling my fidgeting through sheer 
willpower. 
  "Excellent." She clasped her hands on her lap. "Tom, I," She 
hesitated.
"I want you to know....how glad we all are - how glad I am - to have 
you back. It's certainly been a long six months."
  I didn't know what to say, but she was expecting a reply. "Yes, 
Captain,"
I stammered gracelessly. "It has - must have been, for you, I mean."
Nice going, Tommy, I thought wryly to myself. You sound like you did 
when you were eight years old!
  She stood; her hair was down and swung behind her gently as she moved
over to the desk. "Tom, I," she began, "I didn't know what to say when 
the Commander and I were beamed back to Voyager and you and Lieutenant 
Torres were still in the cavern." She sighed. "Everyday I wondered how 
life would be different had it been the other way around. I'm so sorry,
Tom.  To lose six months - "
  I nodded shortly, the memories coming back were not pleasant ones. 
"We're both here now, Captain."
  She nodded gratefully. "Yes, Tom. You are."
  I took a deep breath - if no one else knew by now, there was no reason 
to think she'd tell me, but I had to ask. 
  "Captain, about you and the Commander...."
  Her body stiffened and her facial expression hardened into a grim 
line.
"....is none of your business, Mister Paris," she finished.
  My eyes widened. B'Elanna had said it was bad, but this was beyond 
bad.
I stood and saluted smartly, letting the natural cockiness seep through.
  "Yes, *ma'am*!" I replied, locking gazes with her. She looked at me
in shock, then, to my amazement, she broke into a smile. Captain Kate
again, rather than Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Starship
Voyager.
  "I'm sorry, Tom," she confessed. "But I've heard so much of that these
past few months, I just want to tear the head off the next person who 
mentions it!"
  "I understand, Captain," I said uncomfortably. She must really be
angry about this, and getting Captain Janeway angry was never a very
pleasant experience.
  She smiled a Mona Lisa smile. "Of course, Tom. I apologize for my 
outburst."
  "It's alright, Captain," I murmured, shifting. I looked up at her and 
lifted an eyebrow. 
  "Anything else, Captain?"
  She shook her head, still smiling. "Dismissed, Mister Paris."

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