November Archive

Tuesday, November 4, 2003 -- 4:54 pm
Music in CD Player: Liz's MP3 CD #37 (GUK - "I'll Catch You"...mmmm )
Mood: thinking of youuuu

It's a little late, but welcome to November! This means that in one month I'm going to be 18! Wow...it feels like just a little while ago that there were still 3 months until my birthday. Now it's only one month and 8 days away!

Vlad showed up last night. It was so cool to talk to him again after so many years. God, it must have been at least 4 years since I'd last talked to him. Well, he told me I've changed so much within those 4 years. He hasn't. But it was good to know that people notice the changes in me. I like them. I said that this was the first year in which I'm actually really happy with who I am, and since I'm happy with myself, others are as well, which is awesome. So we exchanged stories and everything. It was very intersting to hear Vlad's story. These things are seriously why I wanna become a journalist. I wanna hear everyone's story. Call me nosey, but hell, people are so damn interesting.

Chris' grandpa died on Saturday...I went to the wake with Britt last night. I'd never seen Chris sad before in my life until yesterday. I didn't know what to say; I just wanted to hug him forever and not say a word...I wanted to like, communicate to him with my mind that everything would be ok, so be your bubbly, happy self again, please??! I hope he feels better soon. I remember he always used to tell me stories of his grandpa -- how funny he was, telling jokes of how crappy it is to be old, how he made fun of his wife in a joking way...poor Chris. "I'm there for ya, man..."

In other areas of my life, things seem to be going at quite a nice pace...I mean, I spend so much time wondering what the use of falling in love is when you lose all sense of logic and end up wasting so much valuable time because you just end up breaking up anyway...but then there's recently, when I realize that it really is worth it...I swear, if I wonder "why bother?" ever again I'm gonna slap myself, since I don't really have any reasons for wondering anymore. This is what makes it all worth it...Yes, brothers and sisters, I have officially gone insane. But in a good way.

These new smilies are awesome! I can't wait for the new Matrix movie tomorrow!!!!!!

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Sunday, November 9, 2003 -- 4:42 pm
Music in CD Player: Dave Matthews Band, Everyday
Mood: relaxed

OK -- The Matrix Revolutions is the absolute shit. You all have to see it -- it goes beyond words how genius the Wachowski brothers are...unbelievable. I'm still on system overload...I saw it with Louis, Ian, Brandon, and Anthony the night it came out. We all left the theater totally amazed and bewildered. Needless to say, the whole night was awesome. Hilarity also ensued.

Today was kinda slow and boring, as most Sundays are. Saturday was nice. All County was this weekend, so I got out of school halfway though. That was cool, but All County itself kinda sucked. I'm so glad that it was my last All County -- mostly I do it for the social aspect, not for the whole singing/playing an instrument one. It gets boring and redundant after awhile, especially after the social aspect kind of wears down and people stop paying attention to me...Sure, I got to see a lot of my friends (Joel's hair looks awesome now!), but it's not like I couldn't just bike or drive over to Mohawk any day to see them. Oh well. So anyway the concert on Saturday went pretty well, and I was so glad to get out of there. Then Briggs came over and we watched Fast Times. I can't get enough of that movie. The little comical nuances in that movie get me every time. Gotta love 80s movies. Everything else about that decade sucked...except for the year 1985, 'cause I was born. But other than that...hmmm...

Today I helped my mom out at the HCCC craft fair. Renshaw was there doing "security duty," so I saw him for a bit. Mostly I sat around watching people and reading The Magic Mountain. That book's been getting better every time. Anyway, I was there at the fair from 9 in the morning til 4 in the afternoon...geez. People watching is great, though. I've discovered that my main goal in life is to discover the meanings and motivations behind human intention. Geez, I was a natural-born writer. It's great.

I'm getting attached...Some of you know what that means...Sorry for being so cryptic, but oh well...

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Wednesday, November 12, 2003 -- 6:18 pm
Music in CD Player: none (radio)
Mood: kinda negative, actually

There wasn't any school Tuesday. That was kinda cool. It kinda sucked too, since I didn't really get to have any actual human social contact. I was stuck at home, debating whether to make a certain phone call, then passing it off that I shouldn't because the certain person's probably busy...anyway...

There's exactly one month until my 18th birthday...I'm scared...

Friday there's no school either -- goooood for me. Looooong weekend, anyone? Ooh, me, me! Anyway, it's a pretty good deal. This morning was basically a boring morning of no class -- the juniors had to take this test and the first half of my day is classes with all juniors anyway, so I was one of four seniors in the class or the only one, so I just went to Mr. Turner's room and played some Materia Magica. Then I went to the band room and played some guiiiiitar. I learned a lot of Tull stuff, as well as #34 by DMB -- awesome and pretty damn hard song, at least for me to play...but at least it's good to know I'm the best female guitarist in my school, possibly even in the county...who knows?

In English class we did some free writing with a purpose -- we were given an incentive and had to freewrite for 8 minutes about it, without having our pens stop moving over the paper. In 8 minutes I came up with a whole page (front and back) of pretty interesting stuff. Free writing is awesome...it's like a journal, only a lot more spontaneous. With journals you actually think about what you're going to write before you write it...but in some cases, you could say I'm doing free writing right now, because I'm not even really giving any actual thought to what I'm writing. Anyway, our incentive was, "There are two people, and one wants something that the other has and can give to them." I know, a lot of room for thought on that one, right? This is what I came up with (digressions included) in those 8 minutes:

"Someone wants something someone else can give them, meaning there is the possibility that they do or do not give it to them in the end. It shows vulnerability and weakness to want or desire something from someone else -- coveting...jealousy?? I find that often I'm left wanting and desiring something so strongly and yet I never really get it. There's this hole in me that I need filled and yet it never happens no matter how hard I try. Church people would tell me Jesus is the person/thing, the only one that can quench my desires and fill that hole, but I'd tried that and still didn't get much release. I didn't try hard enough? I can never let myself get too involved in anything because I don't feel I can get too involved in anything because then it consumes me and I have no room for anything else and I no longer see the world with open eyes and mind. I can never lose my sense of logic. But what does that have to do with someone wanting what someone can or cannot possibly give them? Well, sometimes I feel I've gotten that which I desire from others -- respect, attention, love -- even material items, but then they're gone and I desire them again. The desire always takes up the majority of life while the time you have it only lasts a split-second. I guess that's why they say to make the most of everything. So I intend to. It's like love, but whatever. After those brief moments I forget the bliss while they were there and the desires overpower memories and I'm right back to where I started. It sucks, I suppose. It's like that w/ jealousy, when I see people who seem happier than I am when they have something I don't at the time."

It doesn't have the punctual, grammatical Nazi correctness that I'm widely known for, you say? Well, it was free writing, silly. You don't have to be grammatically correct. And since I didn't take any editorial license...well, you get the idea.

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Tuesday, November 18, 2003 -- 7:10 pm
Music in CD Player: Liz's MP3 CD #38 (Deep Inside of You...)
Mood: melancholy

I've never been so alone and I've never been so alive...

I never felt alone until I met you...I'm so alive...I've lost myself, there's nothing left, it's all gone deep inside of you.

Now that I've finally found someone, I'm feeling more alone than I've ever felt before...

Damn, I'm lonely.

My French class took an interesting one-and-a-half hour long trip to Troy to an all-girl's school to see a play by Molière that lasted only half an hour. Then we gorged ourselves on pizza and soda and salad and went home. A school day well spent if I do say so myself. Besides the fact that Andy showed up, even though he doesn't even take French. That in itself made the whole trip hilarous. Never a dull moment with Bronson, I tell you. It reminds me of that time in Fast Times at Ridgemont High, when they go on the field trip to the hospital and are about to go see the cadaver, when Mr. Vargas notices Spicoli and asks him, "Are you supposed to be in my class?" and Spicoli answers, "I am today, dude!"

I found some pretty funny new smilies. While I'm still kinda in the french mood...voilà!

and -- yeah baby, upgrades of the mooning one...this time with someone watching! My mom told me a story yesterday about how some guy mooned her while she was driving...it was pretty funny...I asked her if it was anyone I knew. Sadly, she couldn't tell just by the dude's buttcheeks. Oh well.
-- Woah!! Lesbian smilies!
-- this is what I've been doing more often lately. Not from crying, no...more from the damn cold weather!
-- Run, Forrest, run!
-- ...at night it slowly progresses for me from this...
-- ...to this!
-- Mmm...a french kissing smiley, haha! Either that or it's a Gene Simmons smiley...I can't tell. In any case, that smiley can give good...well, never mind.

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