para llegar a definirnos no como lo que teniamos que ser sino lo que somos, para nada mas que nosotros mismos: for coming to define ourselves not as what we had to be but as what we are, for nothing more than ourselves alone. -- Gladys M. Ilarregui
Here's something many people don't know about me and my family - we can communicate with the dead.
My grandparents would not call themselves mediums. To speak with someone who passed was a normal thing for them. It took me a long time to realize we had a gift, and that I was supposed to use it to help other people. Let me explain my experiences.
When I was a little girl, I had a spirit that frequented my room when I was sleeping or playing alone. It was a small ball of orange light. I named it "Erdie." At first I was afraid, and my mom would humor me by "chasing" Erdie out of my room with a towel. Then I got used to him, and I would talk to him. He was very comforting, and for some reason I associated water with him - the smooth sounds of waves and water lapping onto shore. When I was about eight years old, Erdie went away and never came back.
When I was 22 years old and researching my family history, I came across a picture of my great Uncle Edward - Eddie - who was a lifeguard and drowned at the age of 20. He gave swimming lessons to children. I knew then who "Erdie" was. It was Eddie, Edward...to a child's ears it was close enough.
As I went through my training, I knew what I could do, and kept it to myself. Because I grew up seeing, hearing and feeling things no one else could, I felt so different. It was hard for me. Spirits know when you have the ability, and they want you to pass on messages. I picked up on sorrow, joy, anger, sadness and an abundance of other things from many from the other side, until I learned how to surround myself with white light, to protect myself, to establish that connection only when I wanted to. I have had many people ask me about this, and just imagine if you paid attention to everyone's energy and such - it would be too much.
The other hard thing about this is that so many people have expectations. It doesn't make readings easy. They want to connect with their mother, grandpa, sister or specific loved one, and they don't always realize I can't control who comes through. I give the messages as is. When I first began readings, I used tarot cards. There was so much more that came off those who have passed I gave up the cards and began to pay attention to the energy. Each spirit I connect with communicates differently. Some give me pictures, feelings, emotions. Others utter words. Some are specks of light, others manifest themselves as they were. It's all different, and I never quite know what to expect.
Recently, I've began to do more readings for strangers. At first, I limited myself to close friends, but as my partner said, we need to "challenge what people can handle." I even doubted myself, and my family's, ability to communicate with the other side. The validations poured in and I am so honored that I can help others, to be part of that beautiful connection that so often is nothing more than "I'm here, I'm okay and I'm watching over you." So many people want more. Sometimes spirits give more, sometimes they say nothing. I tell people, I am merely the middle person. I don't interpret, I just give it like it is. Sometimes those I have a session with know right away what their spirit is talking about, other times I get phone calls days later. It always comes to manifest. We just have to look for it.
There is still a lot of doubt surrounding after-death communication. Sometimes I still have the pang of disbelief myself, just because it is so unreal sometimes. Even from my beginnings, from Erdie to my Choica, talking to her mother, to the spirits I saw in my dad's house to the sessions I have now, I can tell you this is real. Unfortunately, there are so many "fakes" out there just out to make a buck. I am a quiet medium. I don't charge for what I do. I take offerings of cold sodas and small loafs of pumpkin bread, but I do not take money. This is why:
I know what an amazing thing it is to be able to communicate with those I love on the other side. My childhood best friend who died violently at the age of 20, my beloved Choica, and various other people I have known that "stop in." It is priceless. Those single moments have no pricetag. I could not imagine charging someone for that precious time. That is another reason I am a quiet medium. I know there are people who would take advantage of me, so I don't broadcast it. I wanted to share it on this site because I want people to know what it is really about. It's not looking into a crystal ball and chanting, it's not a 900 number and it's certainly not fifty dollars to tell you Aunt Mabel buried a thousand dollars by the tree in her backyad. It is a beautiful moment, a beautiful experience in this wonderful circle in which we walk. I am honored that in this lifetime, I can help others with this "mysterious gift."
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