Caring begins with us--as individuals.
We care for ourselves the way we care for others. Once we have met our own needs, we are fully able to meet the needs of children placed in our care.

Come to wok on Monday morning with a smile that says, "All my needs have been met," and watch everyone around you respond with delight, gravitating toward you throughout the day. You have the power to set the tone in your workplace. Your positive attitude ripples toward others. Someone once said that attitude is the latitude of life. Charles Swindoll, president of the Dallas Theological Seminary and author of dozens of inspirational books, said the single most important thing we can do is improve our attitude and as it improves, every relationship in our life improves along with it.

It may mean going to bed earlier and getting up a little earlier so that you can take care of your spiritual needs or eat the breakfast your body craves for fuel. It may mean driving to work at a sensible speed instead of racing through yellow lights. It may also mean making time to plan for the day's events rather than letting the events plan your day.

Taking care of you first isn't a sign of selfishness or lack of care for others. It is the only way you can be prepared to care for others. It is better to teach yourself to swim than to expect someone to throw you a rope as you are drowning. In other words,d in caring for yourself, you can be pro-active rather than re-active. Remember: You are the most important person you know. You are your first and best advocate.

How to do it
To care for yourself, begin to practice the following 10 suggestions. Think of them as rituals that you do on a daily basis. Take them one at a time, and see how they can change your outlook and your life:

1. Visualize.
Webster defines the word visualize as "enabling oneself to imagine or conceive, envision or speculate." It's easy to lose this fanciful side of yourself after changing 40 diapers a day, answering a hundred tiny questions, or pushing the swing for the 200th time. Visualizing means inventing a side of yourself that you do not see. That vision can relate to your professional side, such as seeing yourself leading a workshop, or to your playful side, such as seeing yourself floating in the clouds in a hot air balloon.

In order to achieve something, you must first imagine it. Without imagination--dreams--the map of possiblities can never take form on the paper, let alone in the real world. So keep your dreams close and think of them as potential life choices for when the time is right. Never let go of your fanciful side, and consider dream-making a daily routine.

2. Set goals and learn to plan.
We often teach the children in our care to plan. They plan at center time. They plan constructions and experiments and discover efficient ways of doing things--turning puzzle pieces right side up before joining them, for example. They plan for snack time, and they plan the direction of their dress-up play. the whole day is centered around making choices and plans.

But when do you plan? Probably you plan what you will wear today, what activities the chidren will do today, and what you will have for dinner tonight. Why not also plan what you want to accomplish this week, this month, and this year?

Long-range plans may include what you hope to do in your retirement years, maybe traveling around the country in a campler. Medium-range plans embrace your dreams and ideals for your midyears, such as serving on the board of your favorite charity. Short-range plans include the accomplishments you expect in the near future, such as returning to or beginning college, taking the CDA course that you have been delaying, choosing nutritios meals, exercising daily, or going to the local salon for a new hair style.

Whatever your plans, write them down. Post them in plain sight. Check off each part of the plan as it is accomplished. Be realistic while including a little bit of the whimsical. Plan to achieve different goals at different rates or at different times. Plan now to begin to plan.

3. Recreate--take time for you.
The root word of recreation if recreate, literally to create anew. What have you done lately in the form of recreation? Have you had your nails done or read any good books? When was the last time you sat in a tub of bubbles and just enjoyed? Did you take a real vacation this year? Last year? OK, how about the year before that? Don't you think it is time to care for the most important caregiver you know?

Include recreation in your plans. Schedule it along with your trips to the grocery store, monthly association meetings, and dentist appointments. Do something this week to recreate yourself, to find the part of you that has been overshadowed by the needs and wants of everyone around you. Feel, acknowledge, and then act upon your need for recreation.

If you can't do it for yourself at this point, then do it for your own children. Model for them how to recreate themselves in times of stress as well as in ordinary times. When you and the children come in sweaty from the playground, instead of moving straight to center time, take five minutes to splash cold water on your face, sip some ice water, lie on the floor, and breathe deeply.

Want to give a great gift to your children? Show them a happy, positive side of you seldom seen before, one that is full of life and anticipation. Show them by your actions that everything is all right and you are there to help them meet their needs (because you have met your own needs first). Our children are growing up in a world where they seldom have to make their own fun. Help them to change unhealthy patters by modeling how to self-recreate rather than disintegrate.

4. Find a mentor.
When children attend a new school or are thrust into a new situation, seeing a familiar face goes a long way in making them feel welcome and invited. The same holds true for teachers and caregivers. If you don't have a friend or someone familiar to go to at your workplace, ask your director to assign someone to you. Or seek out a friendly face yourself. Ask the person: Will you be my mentor, or my "go-to" person? (In home childcare I don't have someone around during the day, but I do have a few friends that I can call on)

A mentor is someone who listens to your feelings and thoughts, explores those with you, and helps you move in a different or more positive directions. Avoid the person who can only say, "Yes, it's a problem." Staying stuck in the problem sometimes feels good for the moment but doesn't foster positive change. Also avoid the person who gets so wrapped up in your dilemma that she tells you about a trauma of her own just to show us how much she "understands."

Instead, find someone that can be open and honest without shaming or blaming you. Find someone you respect deeply and admire and trust. Ideally, a mentor does not give advice but rather identifies different ways to solve the problem. Often a mentor describes her own erperiences with a similar problem: "The way I have learned to deal with an angry parent is give her time to cool off and schedule a conference to talk about it in the next day or two."

Effective mentors are able to step outside themselves and listen earnestly without bias or judgement. "Go-to" people have been given the green flag to act in your best interest, under any circumstance. Their candor and honesty will help you leave the "pity-party" and get back on tract. They help you see your possiblities and limitations in a real way. Look around. Who is that person?

And remember, someone may ask you to be a "go-to" person at some time.

5. Join a professional organization and read.
Caregiver and teacher morale can often go down because of a lack of information or ability to problem-solve. Some days can be worse than others. Maybe it seems that every child is crying too much, or there are more conflicts than usual. Maybe the fire drill comes in the middle of naptime, jsut as you have gottem the last one to sleep. Maybe three parents complain to the director that you aren't "teaching" their children anything because they haven't seen any worksheeks brought home.

Situations like these are not uncommon. You can learn to deal with them by arming yourself with information. You can find places to go, classes to attend, and journals to read. Knowledge is power! Here are some ideas:

You are guest # to visit this page since August 26, 1999