He and I began getting pretty serious
in no time after that, and although
I still had my doubts about whether or 
not he was the "right" guy for me, I knew
that my grandmother, who's health had 
been failing for years, was only proceeding
 to get worse. I knew my time with her was 
coming to an end.  I also knew that with the 
combination of medical problems I had,
 and her being gone to heaven soon
I'd be unprotected from the harm that others 
would cause me.  This meant I had to start
 making some life altering choices, 
and fast.  I was diagnosed in 1990 
as manic depressive, bi-polar as it's now called.
 I had a lot of problems at home, and all of this
 hitting me at once only made a bad 
situation worse.  So I decided that it was
time to forget about the doubts and settle 
myself into this relationship as my only 
way out.  Boy, was that a mistake.

When he asked me to marry him, 
I said yes, hoping that before the wedding 
any lingering doubts I had about whether or
not he was "the one" would be gone.  I set the 
wedding 2 years into the future, just to be
sure that this is what I really wanted.  I also
was hoping in my heart of hearts that my 
grandmother would be around to see the
 day that her "Kimmy" got married.  
Unfortunately, that was not to be in God's
plan.  On December 23, 1990, my
grandmother went with the angels
to heaven.  This really affected me more
than I could even put into words,
even to this very day.  I had lost more than
a family member, I'd lost my best friend. 
The only person who ever really knew me,
and understood me.  The only person who ever
continued to push me when I thought
I couldn't go on.  I hadn't gotten married yet,
hadn't started a family, nor had I finished my
education as I had promised to do.

I decided that day that the wedding
needed to be moved up.  I wanted to bring
happiness back into the family again, and
 the only way I knew of to do that,
was by having a child.  I was brought up
in the old fashioned way of thinking, where
you got married first, and had children later.
So I gave my mother 6 whole weeks to throw
a wedding together.  I didn't want your typical
lavish wedding, that every girl dreams of.  That
no longer was the goal.  The goal was for me to
start a family and bring some happiness back
 into all of our lives.  I wanted to be as close to
 my grandmother as I possibly could get,
and since she died at home, that was where the
wedding was to be held. 

We had a private ceremony, with just
immediate family in attendance and a
reception following with our family and friends.
 Not all my friends were allowed to be there at
my mothers request, and although I didn't
 approve of this, I felt that fighting her on
the issue wasn't worth it, since the goal
was to get the happiness back.  I can be very
stubborn and pigheaded when I want to be,
 which is both good and bad to have in ones
personality.