From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org

Date: 4 Nov 2002 21:55:43 -0000

Subject: ONE LONELY NIGHT, NC17 by donnilee

Source: direct

Reply To: donnilee@snet.net

TITLE:       ONE LONELY NIGHT

AUTHOR:      DONNILEE

E-MAIL:      DONNILEE@SNET.NET

WEB SITE:    http://donnilee.tripod.com

CATEGORY:    MSR

RATING:      NC-17

SPOILERS:    Irresistible, Orison, All Things, Per Manum

SUMMARY:     I know that one lonely night, you invited Mulder into

             your bed.

DEDICATION:  Hmmm, I think I'd like to dedicate this one to Cathy 

             and Song, two of my favorite cheerleaders who never 

             fail to make me think this is all worthwhile. Love 

             you, girls.

THANKS:      I bow to the Goddess Beta Reader, Sdani.  We encourage

             NO RESTRAINT of pen and tongue in this neck of the 

             woods.  Thank you, Sdani for giving me so much of your 

             time and effort.  I really appreciate it more than you 

             know. 

PART 1 (PG-13)

HOOVER BUILDING

BASEMENT

5:00 PM -FRIDAY AFTERNOON

I'd been watching her carefully and although she claimed different, 

I knew she wasn't all right.  I wanted her to talk to me again.  

After our brief discussion after her shooting of Donnie Phaster, it 

had not been mentioned again.  Since then, she'd been through the 

whole epiphany thing with Waterston.  She'd talked that night and I 

thought we'd made a break through in our relationship, taken it to 

a new level of closeness.  But she was gone when I woke up and that 

hadn't been mentioned since either.  Something was bothering her 

and I didn't really know what it was but I was determined to find 

out.

"Hey Scully, let's knock off and call it a night."

She looked up at me and replied, "Just let me finish these few 

sentences and I'll be done with this report."

"O.K."  I sat silently listening to her fingers tap the keys in a 

staccato rhythm.  She finally logged off her laptop and shut it 

down, sliding it into the carry case.

"So ... I guess I'll see you on Monday," she said, as though she 

wanted to say more.  She looked so sad.

"You got any plans for dinner?"  I asked out of the blue.

She hesitated, but then said, "No, what did you have in mind?"

I smiled, glad that she wasn't dismissing me outright.  I wanted to 

spend more time with her outside of work but I knew, despite our 

friendship, I would have to move slowly.  She got enough of me 

during the week and I didn't want to smother her.  But I was 

worried about her.

"I don't know.  Would you like to go out or would you like to eat 

in?"

She sighed.  "I don't care." 

She sounded so apathetic.  I doubted if she got out much other than 

when we were in the field.  I knew I didn't.  "I know a place, 

let's go."

She nodded and I held her coat for her as she punched her arms into 

it.  She followed me to the elevator after I locked the office.  We 

rode to the parking garage in silence.

As we approached our matching Ford Taurus', I spun around.  "Let's 

take mine."

"I can follow you."

"No, its close, come on, jump in.  I can bring you back for your 

car afterwards."

"O.K."

I unlocked and she slid into the passenger seat.  "Buckle up for 

safety, Flash," I teased.

The corners of her mouth jerked up in amusement and she slid her 

harness into place.  As I headed out of the garage she asked, "So 

where are we going, Mulder?"

"Little place called the Athenian."

"Greek?"

"All the way to the bone, babe.  Best lamb gyros around."

She smiled again.  "Call me babe again and you'll be talking with a 

high voice for a week," she shot back.

I smiled widely.  I loved it when we bantered and there had been 

little or none of that lately.  "Ooo, I love it when you go all 

Dominatrix on me," I rejoined.

She barked out a, "HA!"  After a pause, she said, "Yeah buddy, 

that's me all over!"

I chuckled again.  "Could be true for all I know," I said without 

thinking.

She went silent but then said, "Uh ... not my style, you'll have to 

take my word for it."

I grinned again, deciding I was going to take this as far as it 

would go, just to keep her smiling.  "No, I can see it Scully.  I'm 

thinkin'...the tall, black boots, the bustier.  You're a take-

charge kind of gal.  You like your control more than average bear."

I glanced over at her in time to see her swivel her head towards 

me, raising that imperious eyebrow.  "What's that supposed to 

mean?"

Her voice was still light but I heard the undercurrent of annoyance 

in it.  Oops, time to backpedal.  "I just meant that you're not one 

to let anyone walk all over you, Scully.  That's all.  And you have 

to admit; you're a pretty controlled person, but it was a joke.  

However, you don't show your emotions much, not even to me."

"Not even to you, huh?"

"I didn't mean that the way it sounded."

"And how was that?"

This was degenerating faster than I anticipated.  "I didn't mean 

for it to sound like I'm entitled to ..."

"To?"

"Whatever.  Your private life is your business ... unless you 

choose to make it mine by sharing it with me.  We're friends, 

Scully, but I realize that doesn't entitle me to pry and I try to 

respect your privacy."

She sighed.  "I know you do, Mulder.  I'm sorry.  I guess I'm just 

feeling a little punchy tonight."

"How come?"

"I don't know.  Nothing is really wrong, I'm just off my game, I 

guess."

"You've been through a lot lately."

"So have you."

"I wasn't tied up by a madman."

She hung her head.  "I don't want to talk about that," she 

muttered.

"O.K., but maybe you should.  You can only face so many monsters 

and life altering events before they start to get to you.  Believe 

me, I know."

"Don't push it, Mulder."

"I'm not, but just let me say one thing."

I waited for her protest but finally she said, "All right, say what 

you want to say."

"Scully, I know we haven't shared a lot of personal ... deeply 

personal stuff lately, but ... I just want you to know that if you 

ever ... need me, need a friend, just a sounding board, whatever 

... I'm here for you."

I heard her take a deep breath.  "I know, Mulder.  And I appreciate 

it more than you will ever know."

"Don't ever be afraid to tell me anything, Scully, no matter 

whether you think it's silly or not."

"I'm not."

"You sure?"  I asked quietly, letting the question hang in the air.  

We arrived at the restaurant and I pulled in and parked.  I undid 

my seatbelt and turned sideways on the seat to face her.  She did 

the same, turning toward me.  

"I guess sometimes I don't feel like ... I have a right to feel 

what I'm feeling.  I guess I think I should be able to handle 

certain things better and I get angry with myself when I don't."

I reached up and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.  She 

shivered slightly and held my gaze.  Softly, I said, "Scully, you 

feel what you feel.  There's no right or wrong in that.  It just 

IS.  We can't help what we feel, only what we do about it."

"What do you mean?"

"Whether we act on it or not.  Whether we share it with someone or 

not."

She swallowed heavily.  "I'm used to being independent."

"So am I, Scully, but nobody's an island.  You know that.  We all 

need somebody sometimes."

She nodded.  "You going to feed me or what?" she said, deftly 

changing the subject.

Round One to Scully.  

XXXXXXXXXX

ATHENIAN RESTAURANT

WASHINGTON, D.C.

05:30 PM

I nodded and we got out of the car.  I rounded to her side and 

stood in front of her and put my hands on her shoulders.  "Scully, 

if you're hurting, I'm hurting."

She just stared at me.  "Who said I'm hurting?" she asked finally.

Now it was my turn to raise my eyebrows.  "C'mon, Scully."

She looked at the ground.  "Can we just have dinner?"

I lifted her chin so that her face turned up to mine.  "Yes, just 

know that I'm here when you're ready to talk about it."

"Talk about what?"

"Whatever is bothering you."

"Nothing's bothering me, Mulder!" she said, raising her voice 

slightly and sounding annoyed.

"All right, whatever you say.  I'll let it go for now.  Let's eat."

I turned on my heel and walked into the restaurant, not looking 

back to see if she followed.  I was increasingly hurt by the fact 

that she wouldn't open up to me.  She said she trusted me.  Had I 

ever given her a reason not to?  Yes, I guess I had, all those 

times I'd ditched her.  I'd never used personal information against 

her and I hadn't ditched her in a long time.  I'd resolved not to 

do it anymore.  She might not be safe with me, but we weren't 

safe when we were separated either.  There was no one I trusted 

more to cover my back.  I stopped at the hostess table and looked 

at the young hostess behind the counter.

"Table for two, please."

She nodded, running her finger down a roster.  She nodded, 

picked up two menus and said, "Right this way, Sir," smiling 

flirtatiously. 

She looked me up and down frankly and then turned away and started 

across the restaurant.  I shook my head in amusement.  Some women 

were so obvious.  I turned to guide Scully and she was scowling.  I 

placed a hand on the small of her back and gave her a little push.  

She stepped in front and followed the waitress.  I knew Scully 

hated any public display of lewdness and so the waitress' frank 

appraisal bothered her.  She was constantly making comments about 

other women and their inappropriate behavior.  I thought she was a 

little rigid in that area but then again, I'd never been 

embarrassed to have her with me anywhere, anytime, so there was 

probably something to her opinions in that area.  As for women, 

what did I know?

We were seated and the hostess read the specials, gave us menus, 

and took our drink orders.  I ordered a bottle of wine.  

"Everything O.K.?" I asked as she watched the hostess walk away.

She turned back to look at me and said, "Yeah, why wouldn't it be?"

"Pretty vicious look you gave her," I commented mildly.

"She looked you over like you were a prize thoroughbred."

I laughed then.  I couldn't help it.  "She glanced, that's all, 

Scully."

"And you liked it."  It sounded like an accusation.

"I don't know.  I don't mind it.  But I know you are offended by 

lewdness."

She mumbled something like, "Mostly when it comes to you."  But I 

wasn't sure I heard her right.

"What?"

"Of course you don't mind."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I don't know any men that mind being checked out by a beautiful 

woman."

"No, you're probably right there.  But I think that door swings 

both ways."

"I don't like being checked out like that.  Makes me feel like an 

object."

"That's only when you are checked by someone who's attention you 

don't want."

She smiled.  "Maybe.  How come the good ones never check me out?  

It's always some nerd or something."

"Or a teacher old enough to be your father?" I asked, kicking 

myself as soon as the words were out of my mouth.  Just when I 

thought I had the jealousy thing under control, I screwed up and 

let it slip off its leash again.

She pursed her lips at me.  Quietly she said, "Yeah," looking 

embarrassed and thankfully missing the note of jealousy that went 

along with that comment.

"I'm sorry, Scully, that was out of line.  It just slipped out."

"It's all right, Mulder.  It's true."

"Men check you out all the time, Scully.  You just don't notice."

"No way!" she protested.

I smiled.  "Trust me.  I catch them at it all the time."

She looked at me curiously.  "Do you scowl at the dweebs for me?"

"I don't worry about the dweebs.  It's the good looking police 

officers and doctors that I worry about."

"What do you worry about?"

I just looked at her.  Oops.  I had a serious case of loose lips 

tonight.  It was bound to get me into trouble.   "Can we change the 

subject?" I asked meekly.

She smiled and shook her head.  "No, I don't think I want to change 

the subject just yet.  It's just getting interesting."

"Scully, how long do you think it will be before the lab finishes 

its final report on this last case?"

"Oh no, no changing the subject."

"I let you get away with it," I said petulantly.

She laughed then and the sound of it was music to my ears.  She 

laughed seldom.  A smile or chuckle here and there, but her 

laughter was rare.  I found myself smiling widely at her.  

The words just slipped out without my permission.  "God damn, 

Scully, you are beautiful when you laugh."

I coughed and covered my mouth with my hand.  I should have my 

tongue cut out.  I looked up at her and she was smiling at me. 

"Thank you, Mulder.  You don't have to humor me."

"I wasn't," I said quietly.

She blinked a few times. "Right," she said, sounding resigned and 

not at all convinced.  Her eyes were examining something in her 

lap.

I reached across the table and took her hand in mine.  She gasped 

slightly and looked up at me.  "Scully, trust me when I tell you.  

Men look at you all the time.  You're a gorgeous woman on a normal 

day, but when you laugh, you're whole face lights up and you are 

just stunning.  I wish I could see and hear you laugh more often.  

You don't do it enough."

At the end of my little speech, her eyes were suspiciously wet but 

no tears fell.  Just then the waitress cleared her throat.  We 

hadn't even looked at the menus.  So I ordered calzones for both of 

us, hers with no meat and mine with hamburger and mushrooms.  The 

waitress left after setting down the wine and taking the order.  

I poured the wine.  We ate silently for a few minutes.  She sighed 

again and asked softly, "Did you really mean it?  You weren't just 

trying to make me feel better?"

I smiled slowly at her and said, "I meant it."

She nodded went back to eating in silence.   After a couple of 

minutes, I said, "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"You didn't."

"Now you're not even talking to me.  You won't look at me."

"Just thinking."

"Do I dare ask about what?" I asked lightly, trying to get us back 

to the light conversation that seemed to be easier for us.

"You ... and me."

I stopped eating, my fork falling to the plate with a loud clank.  

I waited for her to say more.  When she didn't, I asked, "Gonna 

share with the class, Agent Scully?"

She smiled.  "Not yet, maybe later."

"Okaaayyyy," I replied, licking my lips and suddenly not having 

much of an appetite.  I wondered what she meant by that.  Was she 

thinking about our friendship?  Our partnership?  Or was she 

talking about something else, this attraction we'd both chosen to 

side step and ignore for nearly seven years now?

We finished quickly and I paid the bill, refusing to let her pay.  

We exited the restaurant and as we walked across the parking lot, 

my hand on her back in its usual spot, she said, "That was nice, 

Mulder.  Thank you.  I didn't want to go home right away after 

work."

I stopped by the passenger side door of the car and unlocked it.  

Then I turned to her, leaning backwards against the car.  It was a 

crisp, clear night but it wasn't cold, just a little chilly and we 

were both wearing long, wool coats that went over our work suits.

"What?"

I reached out and pulled her to me gently.  She scrunched her brow 

but came without resistance.  I cradled her against me and 

tightened my grip slightly, letting my head fall into her hair.  I 

didn't have a clue what I was doing, but I wanted to hold her, 

touch her.  And I didn't want the evening to end just yet so I was 

delaying the inevitable.

She snaked her arms around my back and hugged me gently.  I knew 

she was confused by this display of affection, but she wasn't 

pulling away either.  Her head tilted up just as I looked down at 

her and our lips were suddenly millimeters apart.  Her moist breath 

wafted over my lips and I licked them, feeling a sudden electrical 

charge zip between us.

Her tiny gasp went right through me and I felt myself harden 

against her stomach.  "Oh God," I muttered, barely audible, but I 

didn't move away.  Neither did she.

I slowly lowered my mouth, giving her a chance to pull away and 

rested my lips lightly against hers, barely touching.  We exchanged 

a few breaths and I couldn't resist anymore.  I tipped my head to 

the side and pressed into her lips, letting a small moan escape the 

back of my throat and vibrate into the cavern of her mouth.

She sucked in another sudden breath and made an adorable little 

squeaking sound.  My tongue stabbed at her teeth and her mouth 

opened slowly.  I wasted no time and my tongue shot inside, rolling 

over hers and licking the roof of her mouth.  She whimpered and I 

lost what little sense I had, deepening the kiss and taking her 

mouth under mine harshly.   My hand on her low back pulled her 

tight against me.  Her tongue touched mine as she began to kiss me 

back and I hardened to fully erect.  She had to feel it.  I groaned 

and kept kissing her, afraid to let her come up for air.  It went 

on for what seemed like a long time.  We kissed frantically, then 

slowed down and then became frantic again.

Finally, she broke the kiss, panting and stared at me. "Jesus, 

Mulder, what was that all about?"

I shrugged.  "Don't know, but it felt fabulous."

She smiled tentatively.  "Uh, we better get going."

"At least you know I wasn't humoring  you," I deadpanned.

"Guess not. I ..."

"Let me give you a ride home, Scully."

She shook her head as she backed away from me.  "No, I'll be fine."

"I know you will, I still want to give you a ride home.  I'll pick 

you up tomorrow and we'll go get your car."

"It's early Mulder.  It's only 6:00 PM."

"So?"

"Just take me back to the garage."

I sighed in resignation and went to the driver's side, wondering if 

I'd just screwed up royally.  She wasn't running screaming into the 

hills, but she wasn't exactly enthusiastic either.  I wondered what 

was going on in her head.

As I pulled back out onto the road, I asked, "Are we O.K., Scully?  

Or did I just make a huge mistake back there?"

She sighed again.  I was beginning to dread that sound, it usually 

preceded her telling me something I didn't want to hear.  "No, 

we're O.K.  I just ... need to think for a while."

"You think too much, Scully."

"Leave it alone, Mulder."

"I don't think I can," I said earnestly.

"It was just a kiss, Mulder.  It was nice.  Now let it go."

My heart sunk.  Just a kiss.  Maybe to her.  But it was so much 

more to me.  I was in love with this woman and it infuriated me 

that she wouldn't let me in.

We made the rest of the trip in silence.  I had no idea what to say 

to her now.  I parked beside her car and hung my head, waiting for 

her to exit the car and say a brisk good night.  Instead, she made 

no move to leave.  I just looked out the windshield and then looked 

at my lap, picking at my cuticle.

Her voice pierced the silence, sounding loud in the confines of the 

car.  "Mulder, I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?" I asked without looking at her.

"I don't know what's wrong with me."

"I do."

"Oh you do, do you?  Want to enlighten me?"

"You didn't like it.  It's O.K."  It really wasn't, but I didn't 

want her to know that.

"What are you talking about?"

"The kiss.  You didn't like it, or you don't ... look at me that 

way, think of me ... like that."  I still couldn't look at her.

"Mulder, we're not on the same page."

I tentatively glanced at her and she was watching me.  I gripped my 

thighs to stop fidgeting.  "What are you talking about then?"

"Me.  I've been all screwed up lately.  I was apologizing for being 

so distant."

I sighed, feeling like a jerk now.  Although she still hadn't 

refuted my statement that she didn't like the kiss or didn't think 

of me that way.  "What do you want me to say, Scully?"

"That you don't hold it against me.  That I'm not losing you as 

friend."

I snapped my head around to look at her now.  How could she think 

that?  "Where did you get that idea?"

She shrugged.  "I don't know.  I've been distant.  You've been 

sullen because of it.  We ... don't seem to know how to talk to 

each other anymore."

"Did we ever?" I asked seriously.

"Maybe not.  I've been preoccupied.  Now you suddenly kiss me when 

you've never done that before."

"I've almost kissed you before.  I did kiss you on New Year's Eve."

"That was different."

I frowned.  "Is that why think I kissed you; to get your 

attention?"

She shrugged.

"You're wrong, Scully." 

She looked at me.

"I kissed you because ... I wanted to.  I think you're a beautiful 

woman. I always have.  I've always been attracted to you.  I don't 

think I've made a secret of that."

"Thank you," she said quietly.  She paused, then continued, "I need 

to think a bit, then we need to talk.  I know I'm not good at 

talking about my feelings, but ..."

"I'd like to try, Scully.  It's important to me.  You'll never lose 

me as a friend.  I'll always be here.  You'd have to be the one to 

walk away from me because I could never walk away from you."

"Never say never, Mulder."

"Never, Scully.  Yes, I think you're beautiful but it's more than 

that.  I ... need you.  I need you in my life."

Her eyes grew moist again.  "What are you saying?"

"I miss you.  I miss my best friend."

"Where have I been?"

"I don't know.  I wish I knew.  Somewhere in your own head.  You're 

not sharing and I will only pry so far and then back off because 

I'm afraid of making you angry.  Then you pull even further away 

from me, which is the last thing I want.  I want you to come 

closer, not further away."

"Follow me home," she said suddenly.

"Excuse me?"

"Follow me home, Mulder.  I'll put on some coffee and we'll talk.  

I'm not ready to be alone yet tonight.  Is that all right?" she 

asked tentatively.

I smiled.  "Yeah.  Yeah, Scully.  That's more than all right."

She smiled then and turned to let herself out of the car.  As she 

turned to shut the door, I stopped her.  "Scully?"

She leaned down to peer into the car.  "Yeah, Mulder?"

"Am I ..."

"Are you what, Mulder?" she asked when I hesitated.

I took a deep breath.  "Am I a lousy kisser?" I blurted out.

Her face was blank for a moment but then it split into a grin and 

she laughed, one hand banded around her stomach.  I smiled at her 

laughing again.  She was shaking her head, although to say I wasn't 

a lousy kisser or in amusement over my question, I wasn't sure.  

She swallowed her chuckles finally and said, "No, Mulder.  You're a 

damn fine kisser."

"Yeah?" I asked, suddenly way too pleased with myself.

"Yeah," she confirmed.  Then she shut the door and turned and 

unlocked her car.  When she was buckled in and the car was started 

she looked over at me and she was still smiling and shaking her 

head, this time definitely in amusement. 

I followed her home, my heart beating hard in my chest.  Scully 

thought I was a good kisser.  Correction.  A 'damn fine' kisser.  

Woo Hoo!  Did that mean I'd get to do it again?  Just the thought 

made my britches stir.  I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, 

wondering what we were going to talk about.  Was she finally going 

to open up to me about what had been bothering her? Guess I'd just 

have to wait and find out.  The half hour drive to Georgetown 

seemed to take forever.

At last we pulled into the back of her building and parked in her 

slots.  I followed her into the building, not saying anything and 

resolving to let her lead the evening.  I was just glad she hadn't 

left me there in the garage.  Like her, I wasn't ready to be alone 

yet.  The thought of another lonely weekend, going to bed in an 

empty bed and trying to amuse myself for the next two days didn't 

hold a lot of appeal.

She unlocked her door and pushed inside.  Here at last. 

PART 2 (NC-17)

DANA SCULLY'S APARTMENT

GEORGETOWN, D.C.

07:30 PM - FRIDAY EVENING

Scully put on coffee and we stood in the kitchen until it was 

ready.  She poured us cups and we retreated to the living room and 

made ourselves comfortable on her couch, facing each other, 

reclining on the armrests.  We'd both kicked off our shoes and 

jackets.  I'd shed my tie as well and unbuttoned a few buttons on 

my dress shirt and rolled up my sleeves.

She sat cross-legged on the couch, peering at me over the rim of 

her coffee mug as she sipped delicately.  I was struck at odd times 

just how beautiful she was.  "So, was there something specific you 

wanted to talk about?" I asked.

"I don't know.  I guess I'm having a mini mid life crisis."

"Oh."  I didn't know what to say to that.

"Most women blame it on their biological clocks, but I can't use 

that excuse."

I cringed at the reminder of her barrenness that still haunted her.  

She'd been so crushed when the in vitro fertilization didn't work.  

I'd thought we were growing closer then too.  It seemed whenever we 

were on the verge of getting physical, something happened to pull 

us apart again, emotionally at least.  "I'm sorry, Scully."

"No, don't be.  That isn't what this is about."

"What is it about?"

I waited patiently while she appeared to be figuring out what she 

wanted to say.  Finally she said, "I've done a lot of thinking 

since ... that time with Daniel."

I nodded, encouraging her to continue.

"I've been thinking about the choices I've made in my life."

"Wishing you made other ones?"

"No, actually, thinking about the ones I have yet to make, or 

changing some that I thought I'd made."

I was silent, not wanting to interrupt her but not having a clue 

what she was saying.  What was it about men and women that we 

approached things from such totally different directions?

She didn't say anything for a few moments so I prompted, "Are you 

thinking about changing some decisions you made?"

"Yes, I am."

"Do you want to tell me which ones?"

"Yes," she said simply.  Then I waited but no more was forthcoming.

"Yes?" I questioned, wondering if I was going to have to prompt 

every answer out of her.

"I'm scared though."

"You're scared?  I didn't think you were afraid of much."

"I'm not, but I'm afraid of this."

"Are you going to tell me what 'this' is?"

She looked at me with a piercing gaze then and held me still with 

the force of her look.  Finally she uttered one word, "Us."

"Us?" I whispered.

She nodded curtly.  I took a sip of coffee and then laid it down on 

the coffee table.  I leaned forward putting my forearms on my 

thighs.  I stared back at her.  "What decisions had you made about 

us, Scully?"

I was suddenly worried that she had decided to leave.  After all 

this time and finally convincing me that she was in for the long 

haul, she was going to leave.  I felt my heart clench in my chest 

and breathing became difficult as I sucked in short puffs of air.  

She leaned forward and smoothed my brow.  I sighed at the touch of 

her cool fingers.  "There were several really."

"Are you leaving me?" I asked.  My voice sounded strangled by the 

lump in my throat.

She looked stunned.  "No!  Why would you think that?"

I shrugged.  "I don't know.  You haven't been happy.  You've been 

doing all this thinking about life choices since Daniel came along.  

I thought maybe you decided this wasn't worth it anymore.

"No, Mulder!  I've told you I would never leave the X-Files."

"I wouldn't blame you if you did."

She smiled affectionately at me.  "Mulder, I could never leave 

you."

Me?  She could never leave ME.  Were we talking about the X-Files 

still?  "I'm relieved," was all I could think of to say.

She leaned back again and said, "I'd decided a long time ago that 

our relationship would be strictly professional."

I looked at the pattern of the couch fabric, afraid to hear what 

was coming.  

"But then we became closer and got to be friends and the trust 

began to grow."

"You know I trust you, Scully."

"Yes.  And I trust you, Mulder.  So then our relationship wasn't 

strictly professional but our friendship was certainly platonic."

"Certainly," I said with mock seriousness.

She gifted me with another smile.  "I decided that's where it would 

stay."

I nodded. "I can understand that."

She was shaking her head again as if to say I didn't understand.  

"I went back on that decision too."

"You did?"

"Yes."

"When, did I sleep through something?" I deadpanned.

She chuckled but said, "No.  When I asked you to ... donate sperm."

I went still, watching her.  "Oh."

"That was a very difficult decision for me to make."

"To try and have a baby?"

"No, to ask you to be the donor."

"Oh."

"I was afraid you'd take it the wrong way."

"And think you wanted more from me?"

"Yeah, but you didn't.  You were a real friend and did exactly what 

I asked and no more.  But then you did, you comforted me when it 

didn't work.  You were a true friend, Mulder."

"I was happy to do it and I ...was sorry it didn't work."

"Yeah?"

"Of course I was, Scully.  I knew how much you wanted a baby.  And 

I knew ... how much you were hurting when it didn't work out.  Like 

I said before, when you hurt.  I hurt."

"I know.  That's when I realized that ... it wasn't you who took it 

the wrong way."

"I lost you."

"Mulder, the way you were with me ..."

"What way was that?"

"So open, so nonjudgmental, so caring ... so ... God you were 

wonderful, Mulder."

I just looked at her.  Then I whispered, "I wanted you to have my 

baby, Scully."

She tilted her head then, looking at me strangely.  "You did?"

"Of course I did.  Or I wouldn't have agreed to do it.  I didn't 

want it to come between us, but I would have been hurt if you asked 

someone else." 

"I didn't expect anything more from you than your ... donation.  

But you gave me so much more, Mulder.  You proved what a good man 

you are, what a good friend you are to me.  Not that you needed to 

prove it, but you did prove it, again."

"I wanted to give you more despite what you expected."

"What do you mean?"

"I planned on helping you raise it."

"You did?" she asked quietly, sounding astonished.

"Yes.  I didn't want to jump the gun.  So I figured I'd talk to you 

about it after you were pregnant.  But then it didn't work, so we 

never got that far."

"Oh Mulder."

"Don't look so surprised.  It would have been my child, Scully.  I 

would have wanted to be a part of its life.  I would have wanted 

that little boy or girl to have two parents.  Whether we got 

involved or not ... romantically, I would have wanted to be right 

there with you, helping, watching our child grow."

"I never knew you gave it so much thought."

"How could I not?"

"You thought about us getting involved ... romantically?"

"Of course I did."

"Just because of the baby."

"Only partly.  I'm never going to have children with anyone else."

"Why not?  You're still young enough, Mulder."

I just stared at her.   "You don't get it.  I may be young enough, 

but there's no one else I would want to ... raise children with, 

Scully.  Just you."

"I don't know what to say."

"Don't say anything.  I just wanted you to know how much it meant 

to me that you asked me.  I wanted you to know that I was honored.  

That I would ..."

"What?"

"Scully, I'd do anything for you.  Do you know that?"

"I guess so."

"No.  Do you really KNOW it?"

"I guess I haven't thought about it that deeply.  I mean I know 

you're my friend.  I know we've been to hell and back together and 

that I mean a lot to you.  Just like you mean a lot to me."

"You don't just mean a lot to me, Scully.  You mean everything to 

me."

"Mulder, how can you say that?  Your work ..."

I cut her off.  "OUR work.  And it doesn't mean shit if you're not 

there to share it with me."

She sat in silence now, absorbing what I was saying.  I was telling 

her finally that she meant more to me than the X-Files.  I never 

thought anyone would take that place in my life.  But she had and 

she deserved to know.  "I just wanted you to know that finally."

I watched the import of what I was saying dawn on her face.  

"Mulder ..."

"What else were you thinking about?" I asked, trying to steer the 

conversation back into her court.

"That I'm missing out on some things that I could have if I were 

brave enough to reach out for them.  Things that make most people's 

lives worthwhile."

"Like what?"

"I'm lonely, Mulder," she said quietly.

I was stunned by this admission.  I guess I knew it but I never 

thought she would admit it.

"I miss having a man in my life ... in my bed."

I sucked in a deep breath.  Where was this going?  Better stay on 

the safe side, I admonished myself.  "Am I keeping you from that?  

From having a ... lover?" I asked, my heart aching at the thought 

of her with another man.

"No.  I was thinking about you, about US, like I said," she stated 

calmly.

I stared at her now.  "Scully ...?"

"And that kiss confirmed it."

"Confirmed what?" I asked, afraid to hope.

"That I ... want more sometimes ... from you.  You said you'd do 

anything for me."

"What are you asking?"

"I'm not sure," she said, licking her lips nervously.

I have no idea what possessed me at that moment.  My voice was 

thick with emotion when I finally said slowly, "I'm in love with 

you, Scully.  I have been for a long time.  There's nothing I won't 

give you if it's mine to give.  You only have to ask for it."

"Oh my God," she said softly.

I examined my lap again, nervously picking up my coffee mug and 

taking another sip then setting it back down.  It was just 

something to do so I didn't have to look at her.  As soon as that 

thought crossed my mind I said, "Scully ..."

"Mulder, look at me."

I turned slowly towards her until we stared at each other again. 

This time she was crying.  Silent tears were tracking down her 

face.  I moved closer to her, sitting in front of her crossed legs.  

"Don't cry, Scully."

My thumbs reached out with a mind of their own and swiped her tears 

off her cheeks.  I brought one to my mouth and tasted it.  It was 

slightly salty.  This made her cry harder and I leaned in and took 

her in my arms.  I rocked her gently as she cried quietly.

When her tears dried up she looked up at me again, and found that 

we were in the same position as we were outside the restaurant, 

lips so close, we could breath each other's breaths.  I felt it 

again, that tingling charge in the air that zipped between us 

whenever we got this close.

I whispered, "Do you feel it?"

She didn't ask what I meant by that.  She just nodded, so slightly 

I would have missed it if I hadn't been watching her like a hawk.  

I stayed there in that position.  I ached for her but I wanted her 

to come to me this time.  It had to be her choice.

Then she shocked me.  Her lips brushed mine like butterfly wings as 

she spoke.  "I love you too, Mulder."

My breath hitched in my throat and my chest flooded with warmth.  

"Scully ... God."

"I'm lonely, Mulder."

"Me too."

"Lonely for you."

"Scully, what do you want?"

She didn't speak for several moments but then she leaned in and 

pressed her lips to mine.  I didn't hesitate, but responded 

immediately, licking her lips and asking for admittance.

She opened her mouth and thrust her tongue into mine.  They dueled 

in the air between us for a few moments, rolling over each other.  

At the same time, we moaned and fell together.  It was perfect.  

This felt so ... RIGHT.  I pulled her closer and she rose up, 

straddling my hips and sat down in my lap.  We made out for an 

eternity, my hardness pressing into her belly, trapped between us.

"I need you tonight," she whispered when we finally broke the kiss, 

panting gently into one another's faces.

"I'm yours.  What do you need, Scully?"

"I've had too many lonely nights."

"One is too many." 

She gazed at me with such tenderness I felt my chest expand.  This 

woman loved me.  It was impossible.  It was glorious.  It was true.  

And she needed me, which was the most amazing thing of all.  I 

needed her like I needed air.  However, I'd never dared dream she 

felt the same way.

"Will you make this one lonely night go away?" she whispered.

"I'd like to make them all go away."

She kissed me gently again.  When I would have deepened it, she 

pulled back again.  "Spend the night, Mulder."

I gulped.  "Spend the night?" I asked stupidly.  Even with all this 

smooching, I didn't expect her to invite me to stay.  We'd had 

plenty of revelations tonight.  I was used to expecting little or 

nothing.  That way I was rarely disappointed.  My heart was soaring 

with expectation now.  

She backed out of my lap and stood gingerly, holding out her hand.  

I took it and stood next to her.  Without a word she turned and 

walked back to her bedroom, her little hand in mine, me trailing 

behind her, feeling like my heart was going to spin right out of my 

chest.  Oh Christ, she was inviting me into her bed.  Finally, 

after all these years, it was really going to happen.

She turned to face me as we stopped next the to the bed.  She 

turned the lamp next to her bed on low, flooding the bed in a soft 

amber glow.  She smiled up at me.  "No more running away, Mulder.  

Not for me.  It's time to correct some of the decisions I made a 

long time ago that just don't make sense anymore."

"Are you sure about this, Scully?  Be really sure," I added.

"I've never been more sure of anything in my entire life," she 

responded.  "This the biggest thing that's been weighing on my 

mind.  After all we've been through, the close calls life is too 

damn short, and I'm tired of pretending I don't want you."

She wants me.  The words were like music to my ears.  Not as good 

as 'I love you', but the next best thing.  I leaned down to kiss 

her gently.  Our lips tangled, this time gently, exploring the 

softness and texture of each other's lips.  Her breathing became 

quick and shallow as she reached up and began undoing the buttons 

on my dress shirt.  I felt like I was going to faint and felt my 

knees bob beneath me. 

She turned me and sat me down on the bed.  She knelt on the floor 

and removed my shoes and socks and then motioned for me to stand 

again.  I was overwhelmed as the import of what was happening 

slammed into me.   I had to ask one more time.  "You're sure?  

There's no going back, Scully.  Not for me.  I know you said you 

needed me TONIGHT, but I can't do a one time thing, Scully."

She stepped into me and hugged me.  "I'm sure.  I need you.  I want 

to make love to you.  I have no intentions of this being a one-

night stand.  I want us to make this work, Mulder, build a life 

together.  We have a life in work but I want one outside of work, 

with you."

"Am I dreaming?" I asked teasingly.

"Nope."  She reached out and ran her palms up my stomach to my 

chest and grazed my nipples with her fingertips.  

I hissed through my teeth as pleasure rocketed through me at this 

small touch.  I was in deep trouble.  I'd be lucky not to spew all 

over the sheets.  My cock was so hard it ached and my dress slacks 

tented obscenely in front of me, but she didn't seem to mind my 

unseemly display of arousal.

In fact, her hand slipped between my legs to cup my aching nuts and 

lift them gently towards her.

"Aaawww, Ggaawwdd!" I groaned.

She smiled as I reached out to unbutton her blouse.  We hurriedly 

shed the rest of our clothes.  Then we simply stared at each other 

in awe.  Finally, I got my brain to instruct my hands to move and 

slowly reached out to her.  She stepped closer and my hand fell to 

her breastbone, 

Her hand covered mine and slowly moved it up to cover her breast.  

My breath hitched in my throat as the softness slid over my palm.  

I squeezed gently and she grunted softly, "Uuuhhh."

Encouraged I swiped my thumb over her nipple and watched it pull up 

into a tight, little knot of arousal the size of pencil eraser.  I 

sat on the bed and pulled her between my legs with one arm around 

her waist.  This put me at the perfect height and I lowered my head 

and suckled gently at her nipple.

"Oh, yes!" she cried out, her voice breathy.  I thrilled to the 

sound of it.

Her hands went into my hair, pulling my head to her chest, as if I 

had plans to go anywhere. I kissed, suckled, nipped, and laved at 

her nipple until she whimpered.  Then I moved to the other one, 

rubbing the now wet nipple I'd abandoned with the pad of my thumb.  

I felt her knees bob and smiled against her breast.

She pulled away suddenly and I looked up at her in alarm.  Was she 

changing her mind?  My fears were unfounded.  She crawled onto the 

bed and motioned for me to do the same.  I lay down on my back and 

she leaned over me to settle her mouth on mine.  We kissed gently, 

our hands exploring all the skin we could reach.

I delighted in cupping her firm, round buttocks in my palms, amazed 

that they seemed to fit so perfectly.  She was such a small woman.  

Most of the women I'd been with had been tall and much broader than 

Scully.  She was so petite and I liked that she was so small, 

although I'd never say that to her.

My cock was rigid with excitement.  I couldn't remember that last 

time I'd been this hard.  I rolled her over onto her back and 

reached down to toy with her nether lips.  I sucked in a surprised 

breath when I found her soaking wet, her skin slick and foamy with 

excitement.  I moved down and covered her mound with my mouth, 

tasting the ambrosia between her legs.

She moaned and gasped as I sucked in her wetness, and slid a finger 

inside, my lips and tongue teasing her clitoris unmercifully.  One 

hand cupped her ass, pulling her to my mouth and my middle finger 

slid between her ass cheeks and applied gentle pressure on her 

anus.

She shouted and bucked into my face, a flush running up her chest 

and over her breasts.  I liked that reaction.

"Mul...der!" she breathed out.

I sucked harder, pumped my fingers faster, and pressed harder on 

her back entrance.  I was quite proud of my manual dexterity.  

Multitasking had always been a gift of mine!  She shouted, 

"Arrrrhhhhhhhhh, God!"

And then I felt her inner muscles grip my fingers in a series of 

shuddering convulsions.  I licked her gently as she came down, 

enjoying her shivers and aftershocks and so glad I'd been able to 

make her come.

There was a method to my madness.  I loved going down on a woman, 

but it also took the heat off should I lose my control when I was 

inside her.  I wanted to make her come again, while I was inside, 

but I was so excited I couldn't guarantee I would be able to last.  

At least this way she wouldn't be left hanging.

Scully wanted me.  She needed me.  She loved me.  And I was going 

to hold nothing back.  I knew how difficult it had been for her to 

tell me she needed this from me.  Now I knew what the weeks of 

stewing in her own juices had been about.  She must have been 

pondering this move for a long time.  Thank God I hadn't been a 

jackass about her silences or I probably would have blown it.

I hadn't, though, and now I needed to concentrate on the task at 

hand.  I moved up and lowered myself between her thighs, hissing as 

my throbbing shaft brushed her baby soft thigh.  She smiled up at 

me, her eyes heavy and sated.  I loved that I had put that look 

there.

"You're so beautiful, Scully.  God, you take my breath away."

She sniffled.  Quietly, she said, "I don't feel lonely now."

"No?"

"No, but I still want you."

"That's a good thing, lady, cause I'm not nearly done with you."

"You promise?" she teased.

"I promise," I whispered.

I kissed her hungrily and she responded in kind, but then I backed 

up to stare at her face.  I wanted to watch this.  She reached down 

and stroked my shaft.  I groaned and then heard her mutter, "So 

big." 

I smiled.  The alpha male in me was glad she was pleased with my 

equipment.  She let go to reposition herself.  

I took my weight on one elbow and reached down to guide myself to 

her entrance.  She lifted her legs and wrapped them around my hips, 

wiggling her ass to get into position.  I grinned at her, finding

the move adorable.

She grinned back and but then her smile faded.  "Do it, Mulder.  

Love me."

"I do love you ... so very much," I whispered and slid into her 

with one long, slow stroke.  We both moaned and remained still, 

panting with excitement.

I realized I was trembling all over and smiled sheepishly.  "Jesus, 

I feel like a kid getting laid for the first time."

She chuckled and I felt it in the muscles on my shaft and groaned.  

"Oh! Don't do that!"

She grinned but suppressed her laughter.  I pulled back and stroked 

in again and her smile vanished to be replaced with a look of pure 

pleasure.  "Oh God," she muttered.

I placed both arms alongside her shoulders and sunk my fingers into 

her silky hair.  "So snug," I said quietly.  "You feel so good, 

Scully."

"Christ, Mulder, so good.  You fill me to the brim."

I felt a wave of warmth wash over me and sweat beaded on my brow.  

I continued to stroke her slowly, wanting to draw this out.  I 

dropped my head into the crook of her neck and kissed her pulse, 

tasting her skin.  She made adorable, little warbling sounds in the 

back of her throat and I decided I liked hearing them so I kept 

doing what I was doing.

Every stroke brought me closer to the edge though.  Jesus Christ, 

she was so small inside.  I'd never felt anything like it.   I 

raised my head and looked into her eyes.  I found myself 

whispering, my voice low and ragged, "Oh God, I can feel you 

gripping me, Scully.  Never felt like this, so good.  It's like 

coming home.  This is so RIGHT.  God, woman, I love you so much."

Her eyes got teary and I kissed her again.  

I found myself wishing we could make a baby.  I remembered telling 

her not to give up on a miracle.  I closed my eyes briefly and 

thought, 'God if you're up there, please let it happen for us.  Let 

us make a baby.'

I finally couldn't resist the call of nature and I lowered myself 

so that my chest rubbed on hers with every thrust and sped up, 

burying myself to the hilt in smooth, even strokes.  The feel of 

her muscles gripping me, and trying to suck me deeper drove me 

wild.

I was moaning constantly now.  If I wasn't so excited, I might have 

been embarrassed.  I lifted off her torso, taking some weight on my 

arm and knees and reached between us to rub gently, pushing her 

clitoris against our joining as I slid in and out of her.

She shouted, "Oh Yeah!  Just like that!  Oh God, Mulder.  Oh, I'm 

gonna come again!"

Her words were like spurs in my ass and I slammed into her as hard 

as I could and still keep my rhythm on her clit.  She shuddered 

under me violently and her back arched off the bed, pushing her 

breasts into my chest.  Her legs dropped from my hips, her heels 

digging into the bed for purchase as her ass lifted off the bed.  

She cried out again, "Mmmuuullldddeeerrr!  Oh Yes!  Oh God, come 

with me!"

I couldn't take it anymore.  Her muscles having a wild spasm party 

on my cock shredded the last of my control and I howled, jerking 

into her with more force.  She choked out, "Awww, yeah!"

"I love you!" I shouted, as I let go of my release, feeling my 

balls clench and release in hard waves, shooting cum up my shaft 

with a force I hadn't felt since I was a teenager.  I collapsed 

into the cradle of her thighs, panting and dizzy.  I nuzzled her 

neck and waited for my breathing to resemble something like normal.  

I realized I was probably crushing her and lifted my weight on 

shaky arms.  She sucked in a deep breath and turned her eyes up to 

mine.  I stayed firmly embedded, my penis pulsing, slow to deflate.  

She locked her ankles at my low back again and rocked so that I 

fell back onto her.

"Scully, geez!"

She kissed my neck and whispered, "I want to feel your weight.  

God, you feel good.  It's been so long."

I nodded, unable to deny her anything.  We kissed sweetly for long 

minutes, our movements slow and clumsy but full of love and 

affirmation.

I finally rolled off her and she cuddled up to my side.  "Want to

take a shower?" I asked.  I never minded bodily fluids, 

particularly after sex.  I loved the smell, but I figured that 

Scully, being fastidious as she was, would want to wash after sex.

She surprised me when she shook her head in the negative and 

burrowed her nose in my neck.  "No, I like the way this room smells 

right now.  And I like the thought of your hot sperm sitting inside 

my womb."

"Jesus, Scully."

"I liked receiving it this way a lot better," she said lightly.

I laughed then, unable to contain the joy that was bursting out of 

me.  "I hope so!" I said between chuckles.

She smiled against my chest, placing chaste kisses on my skin.  I 

shivered and we pulled the covers up, tucking them in around us.  

XXXXXXXXXX

If I'd known that was going to be the last time we would make love 

for almost a year, I would have stayed awake and made love to her 

all night long.  Hindsight is 20/20 and I didn't know.  So I held 

her while she slept and reveled in the feeling of having the woman 

I loved wrapped in my arms.  That was almost as good as making love 

to her ... almost!

THE END.