This is meant to be a useful guide to Teletubbies, for anyone who is not a regular viewer and has not yet found the drug induced wonder of Teletubbyland. It also contains a useful glossary of Teletubby terms used on the internet. Some items are explained in more detail in Teletubby Theory and on Other Peoples Pages.
Teletubbies is a fairly recent television programme, on BBC 2, aimed at pre-school children, but with a serious theme aimed at students, relating to many parts of real life, including drugs, war, love and more drugs.
The Teletubbies are huge acid-trip coloured mutants, who roam around the countryside in the future, taking drugs. Many of the best descriptions come from newspaper articles from a recent uproar against the Tubbies:
"...the characters behave much like students after a night in the Union bar - giggling and falling over..." The Daily Telegraph
"...Teletubbies is like a bad trip, man. Pointy-eared mutants with TV screens in their tummies and indoor aerials on their heads frolic around amidst plastic flowers and real bunny rabbits. A giant windmill on a hill scatters magic sparkly dust in the air..." Unknown
"...Teletubbies is to the chemical generation what Magic Roundabout was to post-'60s hippies. It's dangerous TV...potentially more dangerous to the psyche than smoking crack...sexually ambiguous beings who take simple pleasure from running around an acid bright, golf course-like landscape of bunny rabbits and flowers, gibbering at each other and occasionally knocking up a bit of tubby custard..." Loaded
So there you have it, from the experts...
Most episodes follow a similar format, revolving around various simple, but classic, storylines. The typical format is as follows:
| Intro | Having taken some speed, the Teletubbies race around their landscape, hugging each other, etc. | |
|---|---|---|
| Act I | Teletubbies wander around stoned, hugging each other, etc. - until they are called by The Windmill. At this point, their indoor aerials start picking up TV. One lucky 'Tubby is chosen to be the host. | |
| Interval | Boring educational bit. 'Tubbies ask to see it again. Boring educational bit, again. | |
| Act II | The main storyline usually takes place here. This is often based upon a normal object being transported from the underworld into Teletubbyland, where the Teletubbies find it, wander around stoned, hugging each other, etc. - until they are called by The Windmill. After The Windmill has sprayed LSD across the landscape, the 'Tubbies have a hallucination | |
| Epilogue | The underground dwellers tell the Teletubbies that it is "Time for Tubby-Bye-Bye" and the 'Tubbies say goodbye. Three times each. They do have some excellent waves, though. |
Your damned useful guide to all words 'Tubby. Please point out any I've missed.
| acid | Lysergic acid diethylamide (LSD). You will need this if you ever wish to understand Teletubbies. |
|---|---|
| big hug | The 'Tubbies most friendly gesture and their most powerful fighting move. |
| cannabis | See marijuana |
| Dipsy | A sexually active male Teletubby character. |
| Ed | A sun god. |
| hippies | Humans who smoke almost enough drugs reach the enlightenment of Teletubbyland. |
| home-hill | The Teletubbies home - formerly a nuclear bunker. |
| Laa Laa | A sexually active female Teletubby character. |
| marijuana | The Indian hemp, Cannabis sativa or hashish prepared from this. Lots of fun. But illegal. |
| morlocks | Underground dwellers. See Dr Mooses page. |
| Noo Noo | A Model-9 Nu-Nu Industries Advanced Intelligence Robotic Vacuum Cleaner. |
| Po | A young female Teletubby character. |
| Tinky Winky | A sexually active homosexual male Teletubby character. |
| tubby-custard | The main source of food for the 'Tubbies - an ambiguously coloured custard like substance. Contains mind altering drugs. Can vary from yellow to pink - depending on the levels of drugs used. |
| tubby-speaker | Speakers (made out of a shower heads bought on discount from B&Q) used by the Morlocks to communicate with the 'Tubbies. |
| tubby-toast | Toast with a face on it. Contains illegal substances. |
| The Windmill | A mysterious windmill, it's exact purpose unknown. |