-smile, its the second best thing you can do with your lips
-sex is like air, its not important unless you aren't getting any.
-never take life seriously. nobody gets out alive anyway
-no guts, no glory, no brain, same story.
-if quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool
that first said "quit while you are ahead"?
-never sleep with anyone crazier than you.
-everybody should believe in something-i believe i'll have another
drink.
-if everything is going well, you don't know what the hell is going on.
-sex is like snow. you never know how many inches you are going to get,
or how long it will last.
-one good turn gets most of the blankets
-there is no difference between a wise man and a fool when it comes to
love.
-it is better to be looked over than to be overlooked
-women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.
-if con is the opposite of pro, then would the opposite of progress be
congress?
-there are three kinds of people: those who count and those who can't.
-it is not what a teenager know that bothers his parents. it is how he
found out!
-since blue and white is the international sign for handicapped, what
does that say about the iowa licence plates?
-there are two kinds of pedestrians, the quick and the dead.
-if elvis were alive right now, he'd be scratching at the inside of his
coffin.
-life is sexually transmitted
-everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die.
-if at first you dont succeed-give up! no use being a damn fool.
-time is nature's way of making sure that all the shit doesn't happen at
once.
-falling in love is awfully simple. falling out of love is simply awful
-you can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people
some of the time, but you can't fool mom
-no job is so simple that it cannot be done wrong
-you can only be young once, but you can be immature forever.
-everything is possible, except skiing through revolving doors.
-disco is to music what the etch-a-sketch is to art.
-Fundamental law of the universe: nothing travels faster than a
bouncing check.
-the man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame
it on
