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                    HOW TO KILL AN EEL (A true story)

    Little Johnny was 7 years old, and like other boys his age,
 rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about courting from
 other boys and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he
 took his questions to his mother, and she became flustered.  Instead of
 explaining things to Johnny she told him to hide behind the curtains
 one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did,
 and the following morning Johnny described everything to his mother. 
        Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for awhile, then
 he turned off most of the lights. Then he started to kiss and hug her,
 I figured sis must be getting sick because her face started looking
 funny. He must have thought so too because he put his hand inside her
 blouse to feel her heart, just like the doctor would. Except he's not
 as good as the doctor, because he seemed to have trouble finding her
 heart.
    He was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them
 started panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must
 have been getting cold because he put it under her skirt.  About this
 time, sis got toward the end of the couch. This was when the fever
 started. I know it was a fever because sis told him she was really HOT. 
    Finally, I found out what was making them so sick.... a big
 eel had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his
 pants and stood there about 9 inches long. HONEST! anyway, he grabbed
 it in one hand to keep it from getting away. When sis saw it she got
 really scared. Her eyes big and her mouth fell open, and she started
 calling out to God and stuff like that. I should tell her about the
 ones I saw at the lake! 
    "Anyway", sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by bitting
 its head off. All of a sudden, she made a noise and let the eel go... 
 I guess it bit her back. Then she grabbed it with both hands and held
 it tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and sliped it over
 the eels head to keep it from biting again. 
    Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor
 lock on it. And he helped by laying on the top of the eel. The eel put
 up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squeeling and her
 boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel
 by squishing it between them. 
    After a while they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her
 boyfriend sat up and sure enough they had killed the eel... I knew it
 was dead because it just hung there limp and some of its insides were
 hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the
 battle, but they went on courting anyway. He started hugging and
 kissing her again. And by golly, the eel wasn't dead after all. It
 jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are like
 cats.... they have nine lives or something. 
    This time sis jumped up and tried to kill the eel by sitting
 on it. After about 35 minutes of struggle, they finally killed the
 eel. I know it was dead this time because I saw sis's boyfriend peel
 of the skin and flush it down the toilet. 
    Mother fainted.