Math Jokes
Mathematician: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime,
9 is not a prime - counter-example - claim is false.
Physicist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime,
9 is an experimental error, 11 is a prime, ...
Engineer: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime,
9 is a prime, 11 is a prime, ...
Computer scientist: 3's a prime, 5's a prime, 7's a prime, 7's a prime,
7's a prime, ...
Computer scientist using Unix: 3's a prime, 5's a prime, 7's a prime,
segmentation fault
Gosh, they all overlooked that even 2's a prime!!
I figure that 2 is the oddest prime of all, because it's the
only one that's even!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Theorem: a cat has nine tails.
Proof:
No cat has eight tails. A cat has one tail more than no cat.
Therefore, a cat has nine tails.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I saw the following scrawled on a math office blackboard in college:
1 + 1 = 3, for large values of 1
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Economist: Someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality
to be an accountant.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
lim sin(x)
n --> oo ------ = 6
n
Proof: cancel the n in the numerator and denominator.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A statistician can have his head in an oven and his feet in ice, and
he will say that on the average he feels fine.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There are three kinds of people in the world;
those who can count and those who can't.
And the related:
There are two groups of people in the world;
those who believe that the world can be
divided into two groups of people,
and those who don't.
And then:
There are two groups of people in the world:
Those who can be categorized into one of two
groups of people, and those who can't.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Einstein dies and goes to heaven only to be informed that his room is
not yet ready. "I hope you will not mind waiting in a dormitory. We
are very sorry, but it's the best we can do and you will have to share
the room with others." he is told by the doorman (say his name is
Pete). Einstein says that this is no problem at all and that there is
no need to make such a great fuss. So Pete leads him to the dorm.
They enter and Albert is introduced to all of the present
inhabitants. "See, Here is your first room mate. He has an IQ of
180!"
"Why that's wonderful!" Says Albert. "We can discuss mathematics!"
"And here is your second room mate. His IQ is 150!"
"Why that's wonderful!" Says Albert. "We can discuss physics!"
"And here is your third room mate. His IQ is 100!"
"That Wonderful! We can discuss the latest plays at the theater!"
Just then another man moves out to capture Albert's hand and shake it.
"I'm your last room mate and I'm sorry, but my IQ is only 80."
Albert smiles back at him and says, "So, where to you think interest
rates are headed?"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
97.3% of all statistics are made up.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Did you hear the one about the statistician?
Probably....
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TOP TEN EXCUSES FOR NOT DOING THE MATH HOMEWORK
1. I accidentally divided by zero and my paper burst into flames.
2. Isaac Newton's birthday.
3. I could only get arbitrarily close to my textbook. I couldn't
actually reach it.
4. I have the proof, but there isn't room to write it in this margin.
5. I was watching the World Series and got tied up trying to prove
that it converged.
6. I have a solar powered calculator and it was cloudy.
7. I locked the paper in my trunk but a four-dimensional dog got in
and ate it.
8. I couldn't figure out whether i am the square of negative one or
i is the square root of negative one.
9. I took time out to snack on a doughnut and a cup of coffee.
I spent the rest of the night trying to figure which one to dunk.
10. I could have sworn I put the homework inside a Klein bottle, but
this morning I couldn't find it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The guy gets on a bus and starts threatening everybody: "I'll integrate
you! I'll differentiate you!!!" So everybody gets scared and runs
away. Only one person stays. The guy comes up to him and says:
"Aren't you scared, I'll integrate you, I'll differentiate you!!!" And
the other guy says; "No, I am not scared, I am e to the x."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
/
| 1
| ----- = log cabin
| cabin
/
Oops, you forgot your constant of integration.
/
| 1
| ----- = log cabin + C
| cabin
/
And, as we all know,
log cabin + C = houseboat
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
My geometry teacher was sometimes acute, and sometimes
obtuse, but always, he was right.
