says:  'Maintains a high degree of participation.'
means: 'Comes to work on time.'

says:  'Excelsin the effective application of skills.'
means: 'Makes a good cup of coffee.'

says:  'Displays excellent intuitive judgement.'
means: 'Knows when to disappear.'

says:  'Displays great dexterity and agility.'
means: 'Dodges and evades superiors well.'

says:  'Demonstrates imaginative leadership.'
means: 'Imagines self to be Ivan the Terrible.'

says:  'Inspires cooperation of others.'
means: 'Gets everyone else to do the work.'

says:  'Excels in sustaining concentration while avoiding confrontations.'
means: 'Ignores everyone.'

says:  'Is willing to take calculated risks.'
means: 'Doesn't mind spending someone else's money.'

says:  'Identifies major management problems.'
means: 'Complains a lot.'

says:  'Is exceptionally well informed.'
means: 'Knows where all the skeletons are kept.'

says:  'Delegates responsibility effectively.'
means: 'Passes the buck well.'

says:  'Accepts new job assignments willingly.'
means: 'Never finishes a job.'

says:  'Optimizes the use of available resources.'
means: 'Conserves supplies and funds by never doing anything.'

- by Staff Sgt Frank Hendricks,
      writer for the Fort Devens, Mass. 'Dispatch'