I will not waste chalk
I will not skateboard in the halls
I will not burp in class
I will not instigate revolution
I will not draw naked ladies in class
I did not see Elvis
I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes"
Garlic gum is not funny
They are laughing at me, not with me
I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom
I will not encourage others to fly
I will not fake my way through life
Tar is not a play thing
I will not Xerox my butt
It's potato, not potatoe 
   (This was used for the second airing, a reference
    to Dan Quayle's gaff while visiting a school)
I will not trade pants with others
I am not a 32 year old woman 
I will not do that thing with my tongue
I will not drive the principal's car
I will not pledge allegiance to Bart
I will not sell school property
  (Also used in 7F14 - the only episode so far to use a 
   "repeated" blackboard opening in its first showing)
I will not cut corners 
  (It actually looks like this:
          I WILL NOT CUT CORNERS
          "  "    "   "   "   "
          "  "    "   "   "   ")
I will not get very far with this attitude
I will not make flatulent noises in class
I will not belch the National Anthem
I will not sell land in Florida
I will not grease the monkey bars
I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment
I will not do anything bad ever again
I will not show off
   (This was written in an "Olde English"-style font)
I will not sleep through my education
I am not a dentist
Spitwads are not free speech
Nobody likes sunburn slappers
High explosives and school don't mix
I will not bribe Principal Skinner
I will not squeak chalk 
   (Bart squeaks the chalk while writing this)
I will finish what I star 
   (This appears on one line; the rest is blank)
"Bart Bucks" are not legal tender
Underwear should be worn on the inside
The Christmas Pageant does not stink
I will not torment the emotionally frail
I will not carve gods
I will not spank others
I will not aim for the head
I will not barf unless I'm sick
I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty
I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge
I will not conduct my own fire drills
Funny noises are not funny
I will not snap bras
I will not fake seizures
This punishment is not boring and pointless
My name is not Dr. Death
I will not defame New Orleans
I will not prescribe medication
I will not bury the new kid    
I will not teach others to fly
I will not bring sheep to class
A burp is not an answer
Teacher is not a leper
Coffee is not for kids 
  (Each line becomes less and less legible; the last line is a scrawl)
I will not eat things for money
I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call
The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee
I will not call the principal "spud head"
Goldfish don't bounce
Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
No one is interested in my underpants
I will not sell miracle cures
I will return the seeing-eye dog
I do not have diplomatic immunity
I will not charge admission to the bathroom
I will never win an Emmy 
   (This was the first episode after 1992-93 Emmy nominations were announced,
   the first time the show was eligible for "Best Comedy Series", but it
   wasn't nominated (the show has won "Best Animated Show" Emmys in the past)
The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy
All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy
I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause
I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man
I will not go near the kindergarten turtle
I am not deliciously saucy
Organ transplants are best left to the professionals
The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan
I will not celebrate meaningless milestones 
There are plenty of businesses like show business
I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball
Five days is not too long to wait for a gun
Beans are neither fruit nor musical