CJRL 1998 May Headlines

From May 28, 1998
RAZMATAZ DECLARES WAR ON LADYKILLERS
This weeks CJRL Headlines has been dubbed "Bid Central". (Who dubbed it that, we don't know!) Daryle Ward, Carl Pavano, and Aramis Ramirez all went to the highest CJRL bidder this week.
Bob "Don't Call Me Elizabeth" Taylor of the Ladykillers won two of the bids, with Art and Kathy Johnson of the Super Kings winning the other. Taylor and Don Gasparro of the Razmataz battled it out on two close bids. In the closest bid, the Ladykillers bid $2.00 for Ward, and the Razmataz bid $1.75. Taylor was also the high bidder for Ramirez, bidding $3.50 to the Razmataz bidding $2.50. When asked why the Razmataz and the Ladykillers have such similar taste in players, Gasparro stated: "Well, me and my partner Dave Searle both enrolled in Taylor's correspondence school, the Taylor School for Rotisserie Management and Mastery."
In the bid for highly touted rookie pitcher Carl Pavano, the Super Kings outbid the Cassville Crew $3.75 to $3.25. Crew owner Joe Schott could not be reached for comment.
"EX-TERMINATORS" SOUGHT AFTER
Three former Terminators were claimed on waivers this week. Scott Winchester and Willie McGee went to the Super Kings, while Gerald Williams went to the Razmataz. Super Kings co-owner Art Johnson commented: "Larry Johnson runs a good club over there. His players work hard, and they know how to win. My only problem with the Terminators is that they're head hunters. Bobby Jones, Carlos Perez, and Mark Wohlers have thrown at my players for years. The next time it happens, we are going to be on Johnson like Daryl Strawberry on Armando Benitez." When asked for his reaction to Art Johnson's comments, Larry Johnson stated: "He better put up or shut up."
PEACEKEEPERS HOLD GIVEAWAY, CAUSE RIOT
In an ill-fated attempt to increase park attendance, the Peacekeepers held "Canned Ham Night" last Friday. While attendance rose 10% due to the promotion, a riot broke out after Chodroff's manager, Felix Milan, gave the hook to C.J. Nitkowski in the 8th inning. Thousands of canned hams, each weighing 5 pounds, rained onto the field. Andy "Redd" Fox and Todd Zeile had to be carted off in an ambulance with contusions, while catcher Greg Zaun was knocked unconscious. Doctors mentioned that if it were not for the catcher's mask, things could have been worse.
Peacekeepers owner Mike Chodroff is now facing charges of reckless endangerment and contributing to the delinquency of canned hams, not to mention severe chastisement from his fellow CJRL owners. Mike Giglio, owner of the Knuckle Knockers stated: "Canned ham make me hungry." Giglio gave no further comment. Joanne Rogers of Hayley's Heroes stated: "Too bad they didn't hit Chodroff with a ham. That would've shown him!"
Chodroff gave a brief prepared statement: "My lawyers have advised me not to comment. Besides, how was I supposed to know what damage canned hams could do?"
From May 21, 1998
SPIDERS TAKE SIESTA
The Spiders are currently going strong with a solid hold on second place. However, rumors have been floating about the CJRL that Spiders co-owners Tim and Bill O'Reilly will be traveling to the farthest reaches of the earth this weekend in search of the greatest golf course.
Several CJRL team owners have been discussing ways to thwart the Spiders success in their absence. Terminators owner Larry Johnson suggested: "Why don't we have an emergency rules meeting while they are out of town? We can rule that Greg Maddux and Kevin Brown are not allowed to be on the same rotisserie team at the same time. The Spiders pitching stats will be null and void!"
No-Names owner Dave Wilson offered this suggestion: "I say we change the name of our league, change all of our phone numbers, and play as if the Spiders never existed. That'll show em!"
The National Rotisserie Rules Enforcement Bureau has been investigating Johnson and Wilson for some time. Thus far, they have been able to avoid prosecution for rotisserie misconduct and racketeering.
TERMINATORS GET DUNWOODY
Terminators owner Larry Johnson has tried to out-Steinbrenner the CJRL's own Steinbrenner-like owner, Ladykillers owner Bob Taylor, by breaking the bank in a sealed bid for unproven outfielder Todd Dunwoody. Dunwoody was awarded to the Terminators for an astounding $10.00! Rounding out the bidding field were the Ladykillers with a bid of $6.50, the Peacekeepers with $5.50, and the No-Names coming in light at $3.00.
Taylor, in what sounded like sour grapes, stated: "Who did Johnson get anyway? It's not Todd Worrell! Why, it's not even Todd Bridges!" This reporter had to be reminded of the show that spawned more child-actor-convenience store robbers than any other show--"Different Strokes"!
WHO TO CONTACT IN THE CJRL
If you have any questions regarding CJRL operations, you may contact any team owner. However, there are certain team owners who may be the most helpful:
Information regarding transactions/waivers--Bob Taylor
Information regarding the free stat site--Tom Kaminski, Larry Johnson
Information on this web site--Larry Johnson
Help with HTML and other web information--Larry Johnson, Tom Kaminski
Information regarding rules--Larry Johnson, Bob Taylor
FREE STAT SITE
Thus far, the free stat site we have been trying out has run well. Team owners should try out the various links of the free site and evaluate the usefulness of each.
Begin letting Larry Johnson know your thoughts about the site. If the league decides, we may move to the free site, or to a different stat company, or stay with our present company. Your comments will be posted in this headlines section.
From May 14, 1998
HAYLEY'S HEROES USING "WAIT" STRATEGY
Joanne Rogers, owner of Hayley's Heroes, has yet to replace several of her team's injured players. When asked about this, Rogers made this statement: "I didn't replace Todd Hundley yet because I have this gut feeling that Jorge Posada of the Yankees will be traded to the Reds. And as far as Dave Nilsson is concerned, I can't shake the thought that Ken Griffey Jr. will be dealt to the Marlins this week. Don't ask me to quote my sources, because that information is on a "need to know" basis, and you don't need to know!"
Rogers doesn't need to worry about Nilsson any longer, as he has just been activated by the Brewers. When asked about his involvement in trade rumors, Ken Griffey Jr. stated: "Who is Joanne Rogers, and why are you bothering me?"
DNT'S BACK IN THE SADDLE AGAIN
The DNTs have found themselves in a familiar position in the CJRL. They are back in first place, with a staggering point total hovering in the 90s! DNTs owner Debbie Streckenbein commented: "Hey, I told everyone where we would be. It's time to put up or shut up, and I guess I'm putting up!"
Congratulations are also in order for Debbie on the birth of her daughter Allison Taylor Streckenbein. Allison was born on Sunday, May 10. Rumor has it that the middle name of Taylor was done as a part of a future trade involving the DNTs and the Ladykillers.
UPDATES
Many areas of the CJRL web site have been updated this week. These areas include Rosters, Sealed Bid Results, and FAAB Updated Totals. The League Business page has been updated also. The Waiver Wire has been removed. Check the Transactions list to see waived players. Again, the official information regarding waivers is found by calling Bob Taylor.
Bob Taylor has been emailing team owners with a copy of the transactions list that he sends to Northshore Software. This has been great, and it will be sent more often once Bob's computer is up and running smoothly.
SUPER KINGS GET PRATT; LADYKILLERS GET WILSON
The Super Kings are the proud owners of Todd Pratt. Unfortunately for Art and Kathy Johnson, Pratt went on the disabled list two days after the bid. The Kings bid $1.25, while the Ladykillers bid $1.00.
In a frenzy of interest, Bob Taylor of the Ladykillers made the winning bid for Preston Wilson. Taylor outbid both the Super Kings and the Peacekeepers. The Ladykillers bid was $5.75, while the Super Kings and Peacekeepers bid $2.25 and $2.00 respectively. Wilson is the son of former Met player and current coach Mookie Wilson. Bob Taylor commented: "Johnson beat me out for Pratt. Paybacks feel real good. Real good."

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