CJRL 1998 July Headlines
From July 15, 1998
CHAMPIONSHIP PAGES ONLINE
The long awaited CJRL Championship pages are now online! Check our CJRL Champs page to check out our past CJRL champions. Don't get too tired of seeing the DNTs, as it looks as though there will be another championship page with Debbie's picture again next year.
In a related story, anyone interested in joining the ADNTs (Anti-DNTs), just email Larry Johnson. For a small initiation fee of $299.99 you get an ADNT bumper sticker, an ADNT button, and a Debbie Streckenbein doll that, when you pull the cord, says "Shane Reynolds for a quarter."
GRACE FINED FOR LACK OF POWER
Ladykiller first baseman Mark Grace has been fined an undisclosed amount of cash for not reaching double digits in homeruns. Bob Taylor, owner of the Ladykillers, created a rule this season that any position player with at least 250 at bats by the All-Star Break must have at least 10 homeruns by the break.
Mark Grace would not openly criticize his boss. "I know who butters my bread. Taylor signs the checks, and all I do is say 'Yes sir' and try my best." It was suggested by Ladykillers batting coach Reggie Jackson that Grace try some Lipton Iced Tea. Jackson added: "It's brisk, baby!".
PEACEFUL ROTISSERIE LEAGUE STUNNED BY GRAFFITI INCIDENT
The CJRL has been a very peaceful rotisserie league for nine years, but has had its first criminal act. Sometime during the day of Saturday, July 11, graffiti was scribbled on the driveway of Terminators owner Larry Johnson. Johnson was clearly furious, stating "I can't believe this. Can't we all just get along?".
The police have no leads. The cryptic message stated "Hayley's Heroes Rule." When asked about possible suspects, police chief Wiggum could only speculate: "At this point in our investigation, we think it was some ghost or spirit of some sort."
The CJRL Board of Governors has authorized a reward of $1.00 to anyone with information leading to the arrest and prosecution of the heinous criminal.
FIRST-HALF TRANSACTION FEES AND DUE DATE
| Team | Moves | Trades | Totals |
|---|
| Cassville Crew | 16 | 0 | $40.00 |
| Devil Dogs | 10 | 0 | $25.00 |
| DNTs | 9 | 0 | $22.50 |
| Hayley's Heroes | 10 | 0 | $25.00 |
| Hub City Skels | 12 | 0 | $30.00 |
| Knuckle Knockers | 0 | 0 | $00.00 |
| Ladykillers | 21 | 1 | $53.75 |
| No-Names | 6 | 0 | $15.00 |
| Peacekeepers | 20 | 1 | $51.25 |
| Razmataz | 15 | 1 | $38.75 |
| Spiders | 9 | 0 | $22.50 |
| Super Kings | 15 | 0 | $37.50 |
| Terminators | 19 | 1 | $48.75 |
Total first-half transaction fees are $410.00. Fees must be received by Bob Taylor by 7-21-98. If a team's fees are not received by that date, that team can not make any moves until it is paid in full. Bob's address has been emailed to all team owners.
From July 2, 1998
WHERE ARE THE ALL-STARS? THE DNTS KNOW!
The National League All-Stars have been announced, and as would be expected the lion's share are of stars are on the first place DNTs. Five of the thirty NL All-Stars hail from Camp Streckenbein: Craig Biggio (starter), Andres Galarraga, Edgar Renteria, Curt Schilling, and Moises Alou.
Surprisingly, the CJRL team with the most All-Star starters is the tenth place Super Kings, who also come up second in total All-Stars: Mike Piazza (starter), Walt Weiss (starter), Fernando Vina, and Robb Nen. Rounding out the CJRL All-Star field are the Ladykillers, Spiders, and Peacekeepers with 3 each, the Devil Dogs, Cassville Crew, Hub City Skels, Hayley's Heroes, and Terminators with 2 each, and the No-Names and Knuckle Knockers with one each. The expansion Razmataz were shut out of the All-Star limelight, having traded All-Star Gary Sheffield to the Terminators just days before the All-Star rosters were announced.
TERMINATORS EXHAUST FAAB ON LEYRITZ
In a move that has prompted some in the CJRL to call for psychiatric tests of Terminators owner Larry Johnson, the Terminators recently bid $21.50 in a sealed bid for catcher/utility man Jim Leyritz. That unbelievable bid beat out Hayley's Heroes at $8.75, the DNTs at $4.50, and the No-Names at $4.00.
When reached for comment, Johnson rambled: "I thought I was bidding on Griffey I tells ya. I swear I thought it was Griffey." Some close to the Terminators owner feel that Johnson was remembering the homerun Leyritz hit off of fellow Terminator Mark Wohlers in the 1996 World Series that turned that series around. When asked what he thought about the bid for Leyritz, veteran cowboy actor Slim Pickens stated: "I think Johnson's gone plum loco!"
In a related story, the Terminators and expansion Razmataz swapped outfielders, with the Raz sending All-Star Gary Sheffield and his 3-year, $12.50/season contract to the Terminators for future star Ruben Rivera. When asked about the trade, Razmataz co-owner Don Gasparro stated: "When we saw that bid for Leyritz, I knew we could unload that contract on the Terminators!".
Sheffield, disappointed at being traded from the Razmataz where he did not fit in to their new "Clean-Cut Image" policy, showed his displeasure by starting a bench-clearing brawl with Peacekeepers catcher Jason Kendall. Both Kendall and Sheffield have been served with 3-game suspensions. Both are appealing.
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