CJRL 1998 April Headlines
From April 30, 1998
COSTELLO OUSTED IN RAZMATAZ COUP
In a sudden move, Wall Street takeover artists Don Gasparro and Dave Searle engaged in a pre-Auction Draft Day hostile acquisition of the expansion team owned by Greg Costello. Gasparro and Searle had been quietly acquiring common stock of Costello's corporation, Baseball Is Us, Inc., for approximately two weeks before they had 51% of the shares.
Gasparro and Searle's first move was to oust Costello from his position as CEO. When reached for comment, Costello stated: "I'll get them, and their little dog too!". Gasparro and Searle could not be reached for comment, but instead had their head of acquisitions and mergers, Gordon Gecko, make a prepared statement. Gecko merely stated: "Greed is good".
SPIDERS RUSH OUT TO EARLY LEAD
The CJRL is now in it's 9th exciting season of Rotisserie Baseball, and this one is already turning out to be competitive. For the first two weeks, the first-year Spiders have held the top spot, but have dropped to second this week. Spiders co-owner Bill O'Reilly stated: "Nobody can beat our pitching. We filled our roster positions with experienced ballplayers, and now they are producing." Bill's brother and co-owner of the Spiders, Tim O'Reilly, added: "We have what it takes not only to compete this season, but to win, and I mean win it all."
1998 AUCTION DRAFT A BIG SUCCESS!
Tom Glavine was the very first player drafted in the 1998 CJRL Auction Draft. Glavine went to the Terminators for $6.75. Exactly 180 players were drafted during the 6 hour extravaganza, with Matt Mieskie being the last player taken, going to the DNTs for $0.25.
Former CJRL owner John Michael Piorkowski, of Pulverizers fame, was pinch hitting for Mike Giglio of the Knuckle Knockers. Mike is on duty in South Korea for the U.S. Army. Requests to Colin Powell to get Mike leave for the draft went without response. It is thought that Powell may still be holding a grudge against the CJRL. He was turned down for an expansion team last year, and vowed revenge.
Tim Lyons, son of Devil Dogs owner Jim Lyons, acted as our auctioneer and did a great job. In fact, he is the only auctioneer in CJRL history to be paid by team owners. Spider owners Bill and Tim O'Reilly paid Lyons a lump sum after the draft. Although formal charges of draft tampering have not yet been brought, tapes of the draft revealed Tim Lyons stating the following: "Going once, going twice . . . hey Spiders, I thought you said you wanted in on Eddie Taubensee?". When reached at their posh Atlantic City penthouse, Tim O'Reilly stated: "You can't prove anything. You got nothing on me".
The new draft site, Rova Farms bar and restaurant in Jackson, was great (until we were asked to leave at 11:00!). Actually, the facilities were great, and next season we will hold the draft at 3:00 p.m. sharp. When asked what a great honor it was to have the CJRL draft held at their establishment, Rova Farms' owner, who wished to remain unnamed, stated: "Get out! Just get out!".
TRANSACTIONS REMINDER
Remember that Bob Taylor's tape machine is the place to make transactions. If there ever is a problem with the machine, the next place to call is his home phone. If you can't reach anyone there, then call Larry Johnson. If that also does not work, the last place to call is Dave Wilson. It really should not ever get to this, but we want to have all the bases covered in case of problems (parden the pun).
TERMINATORS GET JENKINS IN SEASON'S FIRST FAAB BID
The Terminators acquired OF/1B Geoff Jenkins of the Milwaukee Brewers in a sealed bid with the Ladykillers. The Terminators bid was $3.50, while the Ladykillers bid was $0.50.
From April 15, 1998
AUCTION DRAFT DAY APPROACHES
Auction Draft Day, the most eagerly anticipated day of the year for the CJRL, is this Saturday, April 18. The draft will take place in a different venue this season. After 8 seasons as CJRL draft day headquarters, Art and Kathy Johnson's living room has been declared a CJRL Historical Site. Part of this designation involves no further use as a draft site.
Fortunately, Joe Schott of the Cassville Crew has made arrangements to hold this season's draft at Rova Farms Bar/Restaurant in scenic Jackson, New Jersey. When asked how he was able to get Rova Farms to allow the CJRL free use of the room, Schott stated: "I made them an offer they couldn't refuse."
The extra space was necessary this year, with the addition of four new team owners, several laptop computers, and a lawnmower (Bob Taylor's good luck charm). Most new team owners are already honing their drafting and misinformation skills. Terminators owner Larry Johnson was recently seen in a misinformation-meditation trance, repeating over and over "He's over the hill; what team does he play for?; good pick-up!; Barry Bonds for a quarter..."
CONTEST TO NAME EXPANSION TEAM!
The expansion team owned by Greg Costello has had trouble coming up with a suitable franchise name. Already, his team has had to endure such taunts as "Hey, your team doesn't have a name!" and "What kind of name is 'Unnamed'?". After receiving several weeks of therapy for enduring these viscious taunts, Costello has opened the naming of his team to the public. So far, the front runners are the "Hey Abbotts!", the "Buck Privates", and the "We Are Baaaaad Boyz".
In a related development, Dave Wilson, owner of the No-Names, has brought a civil suit against Greg Costello for the infringement of his trademark. Wilson stated: "You see, we are the No-Names. How can we live with ourselves knowing that there is a team called 'Unnamed' playing side by side with us in the CJRL? What will the announcer say at our first series together? The No-Names vs. Unnamed? Costello is going to pay, and I mean pay dearly!"
PROTECTED ROSTERS UPDATED AND AVAILABLE ON THE WEB
Protected rosters as of the March 28 EXPANSION DRAFT and ROSTER PROTECTION are updated in the ROSTER section. Contract status and salary information has been updated for the 1998 season.
From April 2, 1998
KAMINSKI'S POLES CHANGE NAME TO HUB CITY SKELS
In a move that will surely cause a great deal of controversy, the expansion team known as Kaminski's Poles have changed their name to the Hub City Skels. Owner Tom Kaminski stated "Hub City is giving us a very good deal on a new stadium. The stadium will include a golf driving range, a shoe repair shop, and a Jiffy Lube. You can't beat that!". The new landlord has assured Tom that the stadium facilities will be ready for the start of the new season.
When reached for comment, Kaminski's former landlord at Kaminski Field stated "I'm glad they're leaving, the whole lot of them! All they ever did was wreck the place." Rumor has it that the other CJRL expansion team owned by Greg Costello is trying to take over the lease and rename the stadium Gregland.
In a related story, the Knuckle Knockers have been considering changing their name to the Knuckleheads. However, it was voted down by the Knuckle Knockers board of directors 5 to 4.
1998 EXPANSION DRAFT RESULTS!
Barry Larkin was the first player chosen in the 1998 CJRL Expansion Draft. Larkin was not a surprise, but the fact that the first two picks would come from the Knuckle Knockers, who finished in fourth place in 1997, was a bit unexpected. Even more surprising was the Spiders losing their two players in the first five picks. The Spiders, formerly the Las Vegas Gamblers, finished in ninth place last season.
Both expansion teams did a fine job. Tom Kaminski of Kaminski's Poles kept seven of his eleven expansion picks during the ROSTER PROTECTION session. Greg Costello, whose team is yet to be named, seemed very happy with his picks, as he kept all eleven of his expansion choices. Costello made Gary Sheffield one of the CJRL's richest players, giving him a guaranteed long-term contract for 3 years, at a salary of $12.50 per season. Greg must also contribute a signing bonus of half the total value of the contract, which comes to $18.75.
Check out all eleven rounds of our expansion draft results.
FEES FOR 1998 INCLUDING LONG-TERM SIGNING BONUSES
The 1998 fees are as follows: $65 for team salary, $38 for stat company, and $5 for food at the auction draft. The following are signing bonuses for teams who signed players to long-term contracts this season:
| Greg Costello | $18.75 |
| Devil Dogs | $4.75 |
| Peacekeepers | $19.50 |
| Spiders | $9.50 |
| DNTs | $1.50 |
| Ladykillers | $5.75 |
All fees are due in full at Auction Draft Day. Since our draft is occurring a bit late, we will get a discount for each week we do not receive a stat report.
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