It's time, once again for EVERYBODY to...wait...nevermind...that line sucks. Greetings internet junkies, 'tis I, the Masked Marauder. I'm here yet again to open up and let the sunshine in. ('Cause smilers never lose and frowners never win, DAMMNIT!!!) Before I begin, I'll make this promise. I'll never, ever, use a person's real name in this column. Hell, I'd hate for Boo Bob to lose EVERYBODY. Alright, here we go.
You know who's cool? Joey Styles. This man is possibly the greatest announcer around today. He keeps you interested, he comes up with great one-liners, and he pronounces 'Hurricanrana' differently EVERY SINGLE time he says it. But what also makes him great is that for most of his career, he did his announcing BY HIMSELF. Sure, he had guest commentators like Paul E., Shane Douglas, and most recently Joel Gertner, but the majority of the time, he was alone. And he did a hell of a job.
Now, you know who's not cool? The abomination, the waste of flesh, the CANCER (thanks, Shane) known as BANKMULE! Alright, I really, REALLY want to know. Is this stupid idea supposed to be funny? Let's see, he has the head of a mule with the voice of Beavis. Oh yeah, they're rolling in the floor over that one. Who the hell wants Mantaur as an announcer? IAWA has some REALLY stupid ideas and I'll cover them ALL in the weeks to come, but this horror tops the list. Every time I watch one of those migraine causers known as an IAWA wrestling match, I'm forced to mute the TV because I have the stong desire to shout 'SHUT THE HELL UP' at the TV screen. And here I thought that Mark Madden was the worst God awful announcer of all time. I was wrong. Bank Mule makes Mark Madden look like John Madden.
Look, whoever created this montrosity, I'm speaking to you. Why? Why did you do it? It's not funny. It's irritating, stupid, and just plain annoying. (Oh God, somewhere, Ghoulspoon just went 'Like you'. SCORE ONE FOR SPOONIE!!!)
And don't even get me started on Jim Hoss.
This is the Masked Marauder.
