Hide the women and lock up the booze because once again, its time for the yours truly to shine the light of truth on the dark landscape of professional wrestling, be it backyard or televised. Last time I discussed the huge piece of crap called 'hardcore wrestling', which is in itself, an oxymoron. This time I want to address an even bigger piece of crap. That man they call GHOULSPOON!!!!

That's right, I'm going to devote an entire column to the primadonna of IAWA. You know, I've watched quite a few of his matches and I do have to admit one thing, he does pull at least one half way decent move out of his ass every blue moon. But that's where the good points end. Hell, I remember watching him in one match and the VERY FIRST move he performed was a Stunner. Why go through all that lockup and wrestling stuff when you can just do that? From that moment on, that I had to write this column.

Then I also heard that he'd complain about doing jobs. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Oh God forbid that Ghoulspoon would have to lay down for ANYBODY. When did IAWA sign Shawn Michaels? An ego in a backyard fed? Get a life, you nobody.

Then to top it all off, in the hallowed halls of Perry County Central I overheard the man himself say that Vince F'n MacMahon HIMSELF was going to watch a tape of him and offer him a contract! Man, I know you're reading this so this is to you, Alton, you scraggly bearded, long toe nailed scumbag. I'm placing a bounty on your head. I'm offering...ummm...lets see....eight...ten...twelve...TWELVE DAMN DOLLARS to anyway that will make you tap out like the little prison wife bitch you are. Hell, I may do it myself but I just want to see if anyone in the IAWA has the skill to do it. I know I may sound a little harsh, but anyone that is so damn stupid as to say that Viinny Mac is going to offer them a contract based only on a crappy little home movie of them not selling, not talking, not communicating and not wrestling is just a waste of my oxygen. So not only am I saying this for myself but for every one that knows you and is afraid to say it...Alton, I got two words for ya.....YOU SUCK!!!!!

This is the Masked Marauder.