BChristmas in NZ. By RoxxxOff
[E-mail to various KFMH3 hounds from RoxxxOff]
I had a little trouble last xmas when I ran with the Christchurch hash.
After dutifully copying down phone numbers from the homepage in Japan.
I arrived in CC to find them all out of date or scrambled. I finally found
one girl RLD (Red Light District) who wasn't at the number she was supposed
to be but had taken over another. She gave me other numbers and agreed
to pick me up. That night when she showed up (1/2 an hour late) we were
delayed by the fact that her ancient car seemed to be catching fire. After
examining the engine and various components we finally discovered that
the smoke stopped if we turned the radio off. Fine! We were on our way.
"Where is the start?" she asked me. "I thought you knew",
I replied. So we drove to the house of another hasher to ask. Not home.
Gone hashing. Ok, we visited another house and another. All gone hashing.
Hmmm. Another house. Gone hashing, but had told his wife where to go. Great
we sped off to the start. Everyone gone. No message, no info. "Well,
when the hash is over they will probably come back here so lets get some
booze, snacks and get an early start", suggested RLD. Good!
Half a packet of jelly beans later, RLD is doubled over in agony. "It's
my gall bladder" she gasped, looking very green. "I had it removed
a few months ago and it sometimes hurts". She was in a lot of pain
when reinforcements arrived in the form of 2 late girls, Poodle and Taste,
who were just in time for a stomach chucking special. RLD went home after
that and the two girls after some discussion suddenly discovered that the
end would not be here but in a forest north of the city. This was discovered
by a uniquely female form of conversational logic that is a bit like putting
a jigsaw puzzle together. Off we drove to be just in time for the circle
and of course a very Kiwi BBQ that a very large dog kept trying to knock
over. His speciality was picking up a very large, 2 meter long stick in
his mouth and running through narrow gaps between people. He was also good
at turning head head rapidly and whacking people with it. All done and
ate I had a pleasant ride home with 2 of the girls squashed into the front passenger seat with me.
A Puppy is born!
[E-mail to GFL from Dr. Dog Style (now 'exiled' back to England...)]
Hi Peter,
Just to say that Fumie had our baby last night. Clarissa Sakura
was born at the very civilised hour of 8:25pm, weighing a minuscule 2.86kg.
When I was chucked out of the hospital at 11:00pm, both of them were fine,
although Fumie had rather strong afterpains. Do come and vist us. I'm hashing
with the North Cheshire for the first time tomorrow (Fumie and I simultaniously
decided, while still in the delivery room, that this was one of the major
postive aspects of Clarrisa's good timing) and will report back.
Nick
A quiet UK hash... by Dr. Dog Style
Since Fumie and Clarissa are still in hospital, I'm being allowed out
to play on my own from time to time. Thus on Sunday evening, as she lay
on the delivery bed, clutching the 20-minute-old Clarissa, Fumie said "So
now you can go hashing on Tuesday." "Yes", I replied, "that
just occurred to me as well." My heart sang, as, once more, I realised
that I had married a girl with her priorities right. Thus on Tuesday evening,
having stolen some of the fruit from Fumie's hospital bed, I journeyed
far, far, further south from Manchester than I had ever gone before (we'll
leave out the trip to Australia here). Yea, even unto Knutsford. and Cheshire,
once again rueing my lack of satellite navigation. However, at long last,
I discovered the tiny, well-kept and defiantly neon-lacking village of
Lower Peover. Much, much later, after visiting other villages in all four
directions, I found the pub where we were to meet, signaled by a large
group of men stretching in the car-park. Leaping from my car, imagine my
distress when my hearty cry of `On On!' was met with a stare and the comment
`Oh, you're getting changed. So you're running, aren't you ?'. Worse, I
found their names were most strange. When told that I was Dr Dog Style,
they tended to reply that their's was Ron or Ray. Was this, I asked myself,
some strange, post-modern, Ironic Hash ?
Still, things were being said implying it was a six-mile run, and so,
without a cry, we ran off. Shining my torch upon the ground, I discovered
another odd fact. There was no trail; people just seemed to run along the
road until they reached a junction or stile and then run in all directions
until some confused cry went up from the non-looking hashers. It was only
half way through that I realised the full horror of the situation; the
Hare was running with us, and he had a MAP ! Further shocks were to follow,
for I soon discovered that this country supported cows. Large numbers of
them, all in the fields we ran across; even worse there were farm-yards
where large numbers of cows had been. Soon, other wildlife was scattering,
not because of the noise, but because of the smell. Finally, after about
an hour of this jogging by consensus, punctuated by my queries on what
later-comers were supposed to do, we returned to the starting point. By
now, my expectations were so low that I was not supprised to find that
there was no circle, and I was not expected to introduce myself, but rather
they all trailed into the bar. This at least would be familiar But no;
no food was bought, no court was held, and the consensus was that it was
`A very quiet hash'. Next week is somewhere else in the stockbroker belt.
Hashing in London by Roxxoff
A tale of three hashes.
For our New years holiday Tomoko & I planned to go to Ireland. But as I get more holidays than her I flew a week ahead to stay in London. My basic plan was to stay in bed late every morning reading a good book, go for a run in Hyde park in the afternoons and go to the pub with friends to get drunk every night. As well as stuffing myself on the best of Xmas foods. The astute reader will notice that several activities vital to this plan of events are also sacred to the hash, so it was natural for me to seek fellowship among the hash community of London. The West London hash (WLH3), City of London (CLH3) and London Hash (LH3).
HASH 1 (Xmas Day). The WLH3 were having a strays and orphans Xmas dinner. I got picked up by Mike and Judy and taken to Richmond where the charming Elaine and Kathy (Ryde) were cooking up a storm. 2 more strays, Rhonda and Vince (Hairy Fairy) came and we spent all day stuffing ourselves on good food and getting plastered. When we couldn't eat anymore we went to hash. The start was an hours walk away across the huge park which was filled with deer. It was a bit cold and rainy and we were the only ones to turn up so we walked the hash in 30mins and went to Periodical, the Hare's, house for an Xmas drink or two. Then went back to continue our feast at Elaines house which only finished when everyone had passed out.
HASH 2 (12/28). 30 of us including all from the WLH3 strays and orphans party gathered in a pub in Sloane Square and set off for an LH3 longish run across the Thames to Battersy park in a light drizzle. It was long because the hare, Pope, who walked along with us, ran us up and around 3 sides of nearly every square we came upon. Back at the pub I was welcomed into the circle after down-downing a pint of cold water. The pub has a suprisingly good menu which was mostly ignored as most London hashers only drink after a hash as they don't have our Izakaya OnOn culture.
HASH 3 (12/30). The CLH3 run started at a pub in Chancery Lane. Again several faces were familiar from the WLH3 and LH3 and I recalled the rumor that there is really only one hash in London, but they change their shirts on different nights and declare themselve a different club. In this way they can hash several times a week!! This was also a longish run up nortwards past the Telecom tower and close to Regent's park. Back in the warmth of the pub I was delighted to be given a pint of Cider (Editors Note; English Cider is alcoholic & very strong!) to down-down!! Wonderful!
On new year's eve Tomoko was to join me and go to the WLH3 new year's eve party but British Airways gave her a 20 hours delay. Faced with the options of staying alone in my own hotel to show solidarity for my beloved or going to the party on my own, I decided to go to the party. Again I met many familiar friendly faces who were quite used to me by now and we partied until the early hours. The next day Tomoko finally arrived and we went together to the WLH3 new year's day run in Trafalga square. Being another cold pissy day we elected not to run and went instead directly to the pub. Tomoko was remembered from her previous visit in the summer and was well received by the circle who were so used to me by now that I was boring. E-mail addresses were exchanged, telephone numbers, promises to come back and finally we flew off into the sunset having been well taken care of by the London hashers, even if there is really only one club.
Interhash '98 in Kuala Lumpur by Flash
On-Back to Hash-Home.
A hashers recount of a visit to heaven. In total 13 hashers from Kansai heading down to KL including your Moon Master. It was adventure to get down there. It started off with a certain showing up 30 minutes before the flight (anonymity has been promised, but his initials are BH). On the flight down copious amounts of alcohol was consumed. "It's really cheap," exclaimed one hasher. Actually free and not only in business class where Flash was upgraded to, but in cattle class where Picca and Wanda got stuck. This flight is where we were able to see the real side of Phukwit. you assume that he is this sophisticated, intellectual snob, but no, he watched "Tarzan - The Movie" twice on the way down. The plane made a brief stop in Penang Island on the way down. Most hashers got of the plane and did some money changing. One hasher tried to impress some ugly clerks in a leather store by purchasing three handbags. I think that the veils are still in place.
Upon arriving in KL, due to a screw-up by our travel agent, we waited and waited. People were getting impatient. Phukwit was running around, Flash worrying about his date, and others about dinner. Fortunately we met Enter the Gerbil and Bigfoot of the Tokyo HHH. After a while, we were on our way to KL. Upon arriving at the inn, we were greeted by On-On from Yokozuna and Silver Grey. From there it was party on. Everyone went off to the Royal Selangor Club. This club has along history with the hash. It is now considered the Hash House, since the destruction of the original. It has a long history of not being open to women, but they relaxed the rules for the Hash. Mistake, we'll find out.
The next day it was up early to go over to the stadium. After a long tour of the city, we made it. Flash and Beerhead, acquired a hand made sign asking if there were tickets for sale. Fortunately, they were very lucky. Others were not. The rest of the day was spent meeting other hashers from around Japan and the world. There were a lot of things for sale. Rather low quality, but cheap.
After an afternoon of shotgunning beers with the Okinawa boys, the last pre-amble to the has was run. It was a convoluted run along a highway in KL. The Osaka HHH called it there 1 year anniversary run. It was rather straight and not too exciting. Fortunately, we had a surprise visitor, Omanko Buso a.k.a. the Lost Emperor, who now resides in Kuala Lumpur. The run ended and we had our typical circle. We were joined by Mother Duck and Spanky from Nagoya HHH, JellyMouth of the Tochigi HHH and Callinton from Tokyo HHH (see Hasher Profile on the last page).
After the circle, we made it into Merdeka Stadium. What a party! Unlimited cold beer, good food, entertainment on the stage, .........
Yours truly spent the evening with some fellow Japan Hashers, Mother Duck, Itchy Scratchy, Piggly Wiggly, and Q2. Too much. Rumor has it that the party went on all night. Beerhead went on back to the Selangor Club and rumored to have had a fight with some fellow hashers. Beerhead inflicted more damage on the other chap, but suffered bruised ribs and sprained right hand. Phukwit who also arrived home rather late was welcomed by a few lovely ladies of the evening compliments of Flash.
Saturday started with breakfast with Hiragana and Mr. & Mrs. Beaver. The committee planned 30 different runs for the day. We were all supposed to meet at the stadium, hop on buses and get whisked to very parts of the Malaysian peninsula. In reality, we met at the stadium, found out that our runs were full, and spent a couple of hours in traffic. I decided on a short run. The course took us through rubber plantations and palm oil trees. I was actually in the front until I hit a circle check which Malaysian hashes are famous for. It was then hill after hill. It took me an hour and a half with a short cut at the end. The circle was a Down2 for the hares and back onto the bus back to KL. I finally arrived back in KL 7 hours after I left. Slimie and Wanda did a long run, Yokozuna, the Beavers, Hiragana a short run, and Phukwit and Silver Grey the Ball Breaker run.
The party was the best this night. It started off with some hash acts. Some hashes composed songs about hash topics (mostly sex and beer). There was some dancing naked on the stage, mostly by Okinawa hashers. We drank beer until about 3 in the morning after which the majority of the folks left were from Japan. We ended the night with Swing Low as appropriate.
Sunday, many of the runs were canceled as some of the hashers started to head home. I met Silver Grey and we did a great run. It was classified as a medium run. We started off in the jungle with the rubber trees. Then it was over a few rivers. Silver Grey was straggling in the back for the first 45 minutes. Then he turned and said time to catch up. He finished in 1 hour 15 minutes. After the river, was the first water stop. It was great to put some water on my body as I sweat so much. I left my shirt with the truck. It was another 10 minutes and then another stop. Finally we exited the jungle and ran along a dirt road with lots of palm trees, passed by a motorcross event and ended in a lake. It was great. I did get my shirt back only after sitting on a block of ice and doing a Down2.
The night's entertainment featured a Down2 contest. For the men it was a 2 liter mug and women, 1.25 liter mug. Beerhead tried to bring the trophy (a huge wooden penis) to Japan. The first hasher up struggled. He was continuously vomiting the beer back into the mug and after 4 minutes gave up. Beerhead had the honor next. He did well. He finished in 30 seconds, but was disqualified for spilling too much beer. Bad judgment, but they want to set an example. He did strolled off the stage and throw up. The winner finished in 16 seconds. The leading Harriette in 17 seconds. Bigfoot and Enter the Gerbil from Tokyo finished fourth in their divisions.
On Monday, there were a couple of post Interhash runs. Slimie and Wanda went to the coed one sponsored by the Cardiff Hash and Phukwit and I to the Petaling Jaya Animals Hash. Our run was a nice through the jungles in the suburbs of Kuala Lumpur. It started to rain very hard, but fortunately in the cover of the dense foliage, we stayed dry except for the sweat. The circle was awful. It was a lot of inside jokes and stupid Down2s. We grabbed some food and hitchhiked back to KL. Phukwit being the great guy that he is, actually paid for a Fijian hasher who lost all his money to join this run. Phukwit convinced the other hashers to donate money to the chap and Phukwit let him stay in his room.
On the last day, we split up and did our own thing. We did meet for a final dinner and some beers. I had a later flight and spent the evening with the hashers from Balipanpang Indonesia. Great guys. On Out. Overall - JJJJ out of five. (None of the Kobe Hashers found love.)
GUANGZHOU Hash House Harriers, P. R. China by Flash
Ratings: Overall ***; Location ***; Run **; Circle ***; On-In N/A; Value ****.
This hash meets every Saturday at 2PM from a gaijin restaurant in Guangzhou called Kathleen's. I showed up an hour early just in case. Someone collected the money, 50RMB (Y850). It seemed really expensive until someone said it was time to go. We went outside and there was a city bus waiting for us. The 20 people assembled, mostly foreigners and Chinese women, hopped on the bus.
The ride lasted 1-1/4 hours and we arrived in the countryside. The
hares (all 4 of them) informed us there was a runner's trail and a
walker's trail. In Kobe pride, I chose the walker's runner's
trail. I followed a large group of mostly men, up a hill full of
shiggy. There were lots of checks. On-On's were not marked, so you
never knew if you were on trail until you reached the next check. To
help us, the hares ran behind the hounds to guide the slower runners
in the right direction. The run lasted about 35 minutes. The walkers
were out for 70 minutes on a different course.
The RA wore a brown abbot's outfit. He gave down-downs of warm Carlsberg out of bedpans. Unlike Kobe, unfinished beer was thrown over your head onto the ground behind the drinker. They only sang one song, "(S)He's a hasher, (s)he's true blue". After the RA was done giving down-downs, he opened the circle to nominations. If you nominated someone to drink, you and the person you nominated drank. I was nominated for being from NYC. Cheesy huh? The circle lasted 1 hour. (I like the sound of this kennel... S-L)
After a long bus ride back with many pee stops, most returned home to shower and regrouped at another gaijin restaurant. Overall, an OK hash and probably the best thing to do on a weekend in Guangzhou.
Kowloon HHH 1500th Run, New Territories, Hong Kong by Flash
Ratings: Overall ***; Location **; Run *; Circle **; On-In ***; Value ****.
I was on my way back to Guangzhou and realized that I need a visa, so I decided to drop by Hong Kong to pick one up. Hong Kong is known for having a hash a night, so I checked the web page and lo and behold, I see a big announcement, all Hashers invited to Kowloon HHH 1500th run, except for the wankers from the Hong Kong Hash. I figured out that the hash closest to my hotel (Little Sai Wan) was chartering a bus from a well known Hash establishment known as "The Wanch" on Hong Kong Island. Great.
I arrived in Hong Kong on a Friday. I was shocked to see in my hotel a Typhoon warning up. Apparently, Hong Kong has a warning system for imminent typhoons. The hotel folks said that a direct hit was predicted on Saturday (the day of the Hash) and I would not be able to leave for a few days. I was quite looking forward to it as Hong Kong as a T8 Hash. This is a hash that only runs in Typhoon Warning #8. A warning strong enough that the subway is shut down and planes evacuated from the airport.
I woke up late and got my ass over to the pub at 1:25 as I was told the bus leaves at 1:30. Well, Hash time, so the bus took off at 2:00. It was an hour ride to the run site which was located in the New Territories. This is the part of Hong Kong that nobody visits and few live. As the weather sucked, we met underneath an overpass. I was happy to see, not one, not two, but four BBQ's being lighted when we arrived. I paid my money and received my shirt. Cost was HK$150 (2300 yen).
The run was scheduled to start at 3PM, so at 3:45 I followed the pack as we took off. The hares told us that there would be ribbons tied to things to mark true trail. Good. As either flour was washed away or there were no marking. Fortunately, they expected heavy rains so the trail stuck to a road. Unfortunately this road ran next to dump sites and abandon car yards. There was a lot of potential for a pretty run, so I will give the hares benefits of the doubt as this trail was ugly. We ran for 45 minutes. It went up and down one hill.
We arrived back at the run site and people started to eat. Proof of admission was the shirt given to us, so everyone had them on. BBQ was good. The beer was Caslte (from South Africa), Carlsberg, and Jolly Shandy. Castle was yummy. The circle was boring. No singing, just drinking. A small amount of down-downs actually. I did get one. One thing that they have is something called Weebol. It is a stuff animal that has been in the Kowloon Hash for 23 years. I offered to take him to Japan, but it has been to all the "hashing" countries in Asia including ours.
At the end, we were presented with Hash Neckties. Presented is a strong word as these were left over from their 1000th run. Do the math, that is almost 10 years ago. Myself and one other girl led them in some songs including the Hash Hymn. (even whipped out the Kinky 100th run shirt to show them the motions.)
It was a bus ride back to The Wanch which turned out to be part owned by a hasher on the bus. He bought the first round. Old Speckled Hen. Pretty good beer. (Pretty good? PRETTY GOOD??? Best f$#!?%& beer in the universe! S-L) I tried my best to score, but failed miserably I think. I spent the rest of night on another Limey ale called Old Peculiar. (Hoo boy, the brain-cells I destroyed on that stuff in college. All of them, probably, which could explain a few things. S-L) Overall, the best thing outside of sex to do during a typhoon in Hong Kong.
Bangkok HHH, Thailand, by Hand Job
Ratings: Overall ****; Location *; Run *; Circle *****; On-In N/A; Value ***.
I knew there is Bangkok Ladies Hash on Wednesday as same as Kobe, and I did not expect any Hash while my short stay this time as I was in Saturday night and out Wednesday morning.
However, when I got there, Flash told me there would be Men's Hash on Monday. Very pleased to hear that, but, on the other hand, I felt regret. I had figured out that I would need to carry 40 Kinky 100th Run T-shirts to Osaka from Bangkok so that I brought the necessaries only, not Hash kit.
The meeting place was regarded very country side as Flash said, I would say "Fujiidera". He instructed me to get a taxi from the hotel but the taxi driver gave him up, saying "no idea!". It will be perfect if the meeting place mentioned clearly such as 'ABC' square at 'XYZ' station. However, the newspaper said, "Get off the motorway. Turn right at the first traffic lights. Go along XXX Street about 40km. There are a market and bus site. Wait there!" which was obviously not clear. Anyway, I arrived there around 18:00. The run was announced to start at 17:30. It is not surprising if some are late for coming due to notorious for a traffic jam in central Bangkok. I had been looking for any marking or any hashers desperately. Thanks God, I saw 4 foreigners and I asked them, "Hashers?" I got their reply "Yes!" and felt relieved. It was on their way ON HOME after short cut. One of them offered to run with me and we ran about 15 minutes over chatting. It is said the end of April is the hottest in Thailand, no wonder, we drunk beer like water after the run.
I had a short walk after the run and I came back to the circle which was merry with 30 people, almost men. I got Visitor Down-Down with an Argentine Hasher. I was so exited at this merrymaking circle, but someone pointed out my shoes. Yes, I admitted they were NEW. I had my first New Shoes Down-Down then. I was able to finish off the beer from the shoe without complaining, somehow. Shortly after, I got another Down-Down but I did not know what for. I really enjoyed this time.
We had ON-IN near there. When I felt good as the beer took hold, I moved next to Flash, just in case. Unfortunately, I did not remember what happened there. I did remember I puked over at the back seat of Flash's car. The next time I came to myself was at the hospital. Flash was singing Mi-chan's song besides me, "Mi-chan is shitting on her way. She realises she does not have any paper to wipe it and she wipes up with her hand and finally she...". Also there was American Hasher who speaks Japanese and Thai. I had blood test on my Index finger and 2 shots on the back of my left hand. I was asked to be hospitalised, but said NO and Flash took me home.
This must be an unforgettable my birthday eve ever. I will keep the consultation card at that hospital just in case.
BSorry about the noise below, gotta pay the rent somehow!