Saturday Night Slams '99 12/25

December 25, 1999

MMP Saturday Night Slams is on the air! More than 15, 000 fans have packed the MMP Coliseum for today’s Christmas special. Commentators Jerry Wood and Ray Brewer are at ringside.

Wood: Merry Christmas, everyone, and welcome to MMP Saturday Night Slams! I’m Jerry Wood alongside, for four more days at least, the MMP midwestern champion Ray Brewer, where tonight we have two huge championship matches only days before the final pay per view event of the millenium coming up this Wednesday in Ottawa. Our main event tonight pits two of the premier groups in the MMP going head to head as Daark, representing The Cult, prepares for his match against world champion Captain Patrick O’Conner by putting the universal strap on the line against the leader of The Organization, Hassan Abu Saada.

Brewer: I don’t know about you, Wood, but I am getting sick and damn tired of watching Masked Menace X and Wolverine fighting over the TV title every week. They’re booked again tonight, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to take it. What used to be an interesting feud has become so repetitive that I just can’t force myself to care anymore. You may have to tell me who wins, Wood, I may go grab a bite to eat during that one.

Wood: You’re forgetting, Ray, that Super Cupid will also be a part of the equation tonight in that triple threat match for the TV title. Both Cupid and Wolverine getting a little warm up before they head to Season’s Slayings to try and win four matches in one night to claim the midwestern championship that by then will, thankfully, have been stripped from your very undeserving hands.

Suddenly, “Paint it Black” by the Rolling Stones blasted over the loudspeaker and the ASSociates stepped out onto the entrance ramp. After a moment of posing for the crowd they turned towards the entrance and bowed as The Bootlegger stepped out to a loud chorus of boos. The vile Italian was dressed in a pink Hawaiian shirt with the words “Evil Bad Guy” emblazoned on the back. He waved to the jeering crowd as he made his way to the announce table. After shaking hands with Brewer, Barlotta took a seat and put on a headset.

Wood: Gene Barlotta, I wasn’t expecting you out here tonight. I assume you’re here to keep an eye on your close friend Steve Simon as he battles Tao Te Ching in our opening bout here this evening. Any thoughts going into the match?

Bootlegger: This is gonna be so one-sided it just isn't funny. My good friend, STEVE will tear that curtain jerker into so many pieces. You see, while TIN TOW TANG was running around playing with chopsticks all this week, STEVE was training hard beating up his father for hours on end everyday. And RAY, you and I know what a grueling bit of "exercise" throwing that old bag of wind around can be.

Brewer: Tell me about it. It took me several seconds to beat that old fossil a couple of weeks ago. I notice no one has heard from him since then. Any ideas what happened Gene? The folks at the home decide the radiation from a video camera might be too much for him to handle in his condition?

Wood: Enough! I can tell this is going to be an interesting evening to say the least with the two of you bantering back and forth. Let’s just go to the ring for our opening contest.

”STUNNING” STEVE SIMON vs. TAO TE CHING

Tao was introduced first, coming to the ring with his tag team partner The Dragonfly. The two went over last minute strategy in the ring while Simon made his entrance. Simon was received less than warmly by the sold-out crowd, although it was clear that he had the support of both Barlotta and Brewer at the broadcast table. SSS, decked out in a gold robe, was very slow in coming to the ring, mocking fans as he made his way down the aisle. Tao stood by waiting for him, but eventually became impatient and turned to Dragonfly, who was now on the floor. While the two members of The Order were in consultation Simon rushed down to the ring and dove in under the bottom rope, taking Tao down with a quick tackle that Tao never saw coming. He let up immediately, but then reached down and delivered a hard slap to the face of Tao, drawing more boos from the crowd and bringing a look of rage to the Oriental star. Tao slowly pulled himself up while holding his face and glaring at Simon, and then charged after his opponent, but Simon responded quickly, taking Tao over with an armdrag and applying an armbar. Tao reached back and tried to grab onto Simon for leverage to reverse the hold, but he wasn’t able to find anything to grab. While he had Tao trapped in the armbar Simon again slapped him across the face, but this time it pushed Tao over the edge. Instead of trying to counter the armbar Tao simply shot his leg back and nailed Simon with a mule kick below the belt, breaking the hold and dropping Simon to his knees. Tao walked over to the ropes to compose himself before following up. In the meantime Simon had gotten back to his feet, but Tao went to work on him regardless. He targeted Simon’s knees, delivering a series of rapid kicks to the left leg that backed Simon into the ropes. Sending Simon off the far side, Tao nailed his opponent on the rebound with a dropkick that took Simon clear off his feet. Tao didn’t give Simon a break, though, and immediately grabbed Simon’s legs and catapulted him into the turnbuckle. Simon’s head struck hard against the top corner pad and he stumbled out where Tao was waiting to take him down with a drop toehold. Then, with Simon hurting, Tao slapped on a grapevine around the already injured left leg. Tao tried to work his way back towards the center of the ring, but Simon’s pull in the opposite direction led to a stalemate in position. Simon tried to reverse the hold, but every time he did Tao thrust his upper body hard in the other direction to quash Simon’s momentum. Simon eventually managed to lunge backward and grab the bottom rope, forcing the ref to step in and break the hold. While the official was pulling the two men apart, though, Simon quickly grabbed Tao’s leg and slapped on an STF. The referee berated Simon for attacking during the break, but Simon paid him no regard. He simply pulled back even harder on his opponent’s head and neck, bringing Tao near the point of submission. Tao ultimately refused to give up, though, and his stubbornness was clearly beginning to bother Simon, to the point where Simon willingly relinquished the hold. He pulled Tao up and delivered a Russian legsweep, and then tossed Tao through the ropes out to the floor. Tao landed at the feet of The Dragonfly, who helped Tao to his feet. While this was happening, Simon climbed up to the top rope. When Dragonfly turned around he was nailed with a flying tope from Simon, sending both men back into the announce table. Bootlegger got a cheap shot in on Dragonfly while Simon went over and pulled Tao up onto the apron for the Hollywood Crunch. Simon started to pick Tao up, but Tao managed to regain his composure and land back on the apron, then backdropping Simon off the apron and onto the concrete floor below. Tao quickly grabbed Simon and rolled him back into the ring before climbing to the top rope. With Simon in position, Tao came flying off the top with the Essential Flash, but Simon got his knees up, catching Tao square in the midsection. Tao rolled over in agony and Simon pulled himself up, grabbing Tao and delivering the Plunge. He then rolled Tao over and made the cover as the ref counted 1…2…3.

Wood: Looks like your pal Simon was successful after all, Bootlegger, but it wasn’t nearly as lopsided a match as you would have had us believe. Tao Te Ching really gave Simon a run for his money tonight and nearly pulled it out in the end. If he had connected with that moonsault, I think we would have seen a very different outcome.

Brewer: Yeah, but he didn’t Wood, so what’s your point. Just like if Harry Simon had been able to put together some actual moves in our match a few weeks ago he might have won the midwestern title. He didn’t, so he didn’t. Same goes for Tao. He didn’t hit the moonsault, so he got beat. Better luck next time, Tao.

Wood: Up next it’s the triple threat match for the television championship with Masked Menace X, Wolverine, and Super Cupid set to do battle…

Bootlegger: Why is this match even taking place in an MMP ring? Not a single one of these peons deserve to be wrestling anywhere but in their mother's backyard. MASKED MORON X doesn't deserve any belt, even that midcard waste of time TV Title. I retired WOLVERINE's partner some months back and he's avoided me ever since for fear I'd retire him too. HAH, if I were to get up and enter the ring, all three of these mongrels would exit the premises so quickly, it'll make those jobbers from my Heart's Desire segment look like Slowpoke the Mouse from those Speedy Gonzalez cartoons. Bah... pathetic.

Brewer: Hey, I couldn’t agree more. Wood knows how I feel about this match. I could sit out here and watch it, or I could just go in the back and pull out a tape of any one of the other four or five hundred times that MMX and Wolverine have fought each other. Ya know, I think I’ll opt for neither. I’m leaving. I’ll be back later.

Wood: Neither one of you have mentioned Super Cupid’s name in your little tirades. If MMX and Wolverine are pre-occupied with one another during this match, Cupid will have a great chance of capturing the TV title right here tonight. Any thoughts on that?

Brewer set his headset down and got up to walk away as Wood finished asking his question. Bootlegger pulled out a can of “Deep Woods Off” and sprayed it all over himself, Wood, and Brewer.

Bootlegger: I've really got to talk to GRANT about doing something about this gnat infestation in the MMP arenas. SUPER who?? What were you saying?

Wood: Never mind, it’s clear I won’t get a useful comment out of either one of you. Let’s just go back to the ring for what should be, despite my colleagues’ indifference, a classic battle for the television championship.

MMP Television Championship
Triple Threat Match
MASKED MENACE X (C) vs. WOLVERINE vs. SUPER CUPID

The three men made their way to the ring one-by-one, but it didn’t take long to see that the fix was in. Almost immediately after the opening bell, MMX and Wolverine nodded towards each other in agreement and charged Cupid, double-teaming him in the corner and pounding him until he was down on the canvas. Cupid tried to cover up and escape out to the floor, but MMX grabbed onto him and allowed Wolverine to nail a vicious kick to the back of the head. MMX then pulled Cupid up and held him in position for Wolverine to nail a chop block to the back of the legs, dropping Cupid like a ton of bricks. Wolverine delivered a legdrop and both men nailed a series of elbowdrops before Wolverine pulled Cupid up yet again. He hooked Cupid with an armwringer and delivered three short shoulderblocks before whipping him across the ring where MMX clotheslined him to the canvas. They then decided it was time to finish Cupid off. Wolverine pulled Cupid up and connected with an inverted atomic drop that sent Cupid forward into MMX, who delivered a boot to the midsection before delivering the X-Plex. The referee got down quickly and counted the 1…2…3, and MMX had retained the TV title. After the match MMX and Wolverine shook hands, drawing a loud chorus of boos from the fans. Mini Menace then entered the ring and passed Wolverine a mic:

Wolverine: I want to thank the people who stood behind me through thick and then........MMX and Mini Menace. They were the ones who didn't turn their back on me......It was you, the fans. You cheered me when I had the Midwestern and the T.V. Title. And when I lost them, i couldn't find no support from any of you. I got tired of people like you wanting me to go to your charoties and your banquets and whatever else you pee-ons could dream up. I am raising money for what???? I never seen any of that. All I got was some stinking plaques that says "Thanks for your support". To hell with fund raisers, your Wolverine signs, and most of all.......TO HELL WITH YOU!!!!!!

The trio then walked out while the ref helped Super Cupid back to his feet. Then, suddenly, all the lights in the arena went out. Emerald and gold lights came up over the ring, and the wrestler known only as The Golden One was climbing to the top rope. He dove off and nailed Cupid with a bulldog headlock from behind, driving him head first into the canvas. The Golden One then took off through the crowd as the normal lights came back on.

Wood: It looks like Super Cupid has been swerved here tonight by MMX and Wolverine! Although I can’t say I’m surprised, who would have ever expected the two of them to get back together again after all that has happened over the past couple of months? This relationship certainly has been an unusual one right from the start, so maybe we shouldn’t be that surprised after all. Our next contest is one that should be of particular interest to you, Mr. Barlotta. Your old friend Inferno is in action against his former Cult ally Hot Crimson.

Bootlegger: Well, what we got here is a match made in hell itself. CRIMSON is some lowly pleibeian idiot who drinks blood and eats rodents, while INFERNO is some lowly pleibeian idiot who gives blood for the CULT and sleeps with rodents. Hey, did you know that INFERNO's girlfriend is spending the holidays at my place this year.

Wood: I’m sure you wouldn’t be saying that if Inferno were out here right now. Perhaps you’d like to repeat yourself when Inferno makes his entrance in only a few moments. As Ray Brewer graces us by his return, we send you back to the ring here at Saturday Night Slams.

HOT CRIMSON vs. INFERNO

Hot Crimson made his way to the ring first, accompanied by his stablemates The Order. His entrance was short lived, as even before Crimson could get to the ring, Inferno’s phoenix blazed overhead. “Firestarter” hit and the giant from The Cult made his way out, accompanied to the ring by Daark. Noticeably absent from Inferno, though, was his burned samurai armor that he always wore to the ring. Neither he nor Daark seemed to pay it any mind, and Inferno entered the ring, glaring at Crimson as he performed a hand/foot touch, signaling that he would be using his entire body during the match. He then advanced towards his opponent, offering Crimson a handshake and extending a somewhat insincere apology for the misplaced superkick that cost Crimson his match the week before. Crimson responded simply with a dead stare, and Inferno tried to catch him off guard with another superkick. Crimson ducked out of the way and immediately tore into Inferno, peppering him with kicks to the upper body before flooring him with a clothesline. Inferno went down hard, but Crimson’s attack didn’t change. He stayed with the kicks, mercilessly attacking Inferno’s chest and head while he lay on the canvas. Inferno covered up and the referee stepped in to back Crimson off, but Crimson didn’t hold back for long. He ran back in with a baseball slide aimed at Inferno’s face, but the big man rolled out of the way and shot back to his feet. The big man was waiting on Crimson when Crimson got back up, catching Crimson with solid jabs to the jaw before sending him off the ropes and flooring him with a big boot to the face. Crimson rolled over towards the ropes, but Inferno wasn’t about to let him escape. He backed Crimson into a corner and pressed his boot hard against Crimson’s throat, putting the full pressure of his 300-pound plus frame down on his opponent’s windpipe. The official began to count, and threatened Inferno with disqualification before the big man would let up. When Inferno finally took his boot off of Crimson he pulled his opponent back up by the throat and hoisted him high in the air, pressing Crimson over his head in a gorilla press slam. He whipped Crimson down hard but then backed off, almost daring Crimson to get up and try to defend himself. Crimson slowly made his way over to the corner where he pulled himself up with the aid of the ropes. Inferno slowly moved in, nailing Crimson with a forearm across the face and whipping him across the ring into the far buckle. As Crimson hit Inferno charged in with an avalanche, but Crimson quickly bounded out of the way, sending Inferno crashing sternum first into the buckle. Crimson capitalized quickly, slapping on a sleeperhold. He jumped up on the big man’s back and began to ride Inferno down. The ref moved in and checked on Inferno, seeing if he was able to continue. He raised Inferno’s arm, and it fell once. It fell twice. It fell…on the third try Inferno shot his arm high up in the air, and then drove an elbow into Crimson’s midsection. After a second shot Inferno managed to get back to his feet and slide Crimson’s grip down to a simple side headlock, then breaking the headlock by whipping Crimson off the ropes. While Crimson crossed the ring Inferno grabbed onto the referee and pulled him in while Daark reached into his tights and pulled out a handful of black powder, tossing it right into Crimson’s face! Crimson stumbled back blinded, but Daark would pay the price for his interference. The Order was all over him almost immediately, pounding Daark into the floor. In the ring, however, Inferno was able to take advantage. He nailed the blinded Hot Crimson with the Elder’s Vengeance heart punch. Inferno quickly covered Crimson and hooked the leg for the three count. The celebration was short lived, though, as the assault on Daark drew Inferno’s attention away. The big man jumped down to chase away The Order and help Daark back to his feet. While he was distracted, though, Hot Crimson slid out under the bottom rope. He spun Inferno around, planted a boot into the midsection, and nailed Inferno with his patented double-arm DDT on the concrete floor before heading back to the dressing room.

Wood: So Inferno may have won the battle, but it looks like The Organization may have won the war. Both Daark and Inferno have been left laying, and it doesn’t look like Daark will even get a chance to go back and regroup before putting his universal title on the line against Hassan Abu Saada. Do you think the attack by The Order may have been premeditated, coming on orders from Hassan to take his opponent out early and make capturing the title that much easier a task?

Brewer: Well, I can’t speak for Mr. Barlotta who is getting up and heading over to a front row seat as we speak, but I have to believe that was the plan right from the start – especially after Hassan got ahold of tonight’s schedule. As you said, Daark isn’t even going to get a chance to go back to the dressing room. I sincerely doubt the came out with Inferno ready for his match with Hassan. Now we’ll have to wait and see if Hassan is able to capitalize on this opportunity.

Wood: Well, we have the champion, we have a referee, and the “Minbar Prayer” is playing over the loudspeaker, so in a moment we’ll have a challenger in our main event on Saturday Night Slams!

MMP Universal Championship Match
DAARK (C) vs. HASSAN ABU SAADA

Hassan made his way to the ring with his usual entourage of slaves and belly dancers. He was also carrying a copy of The Koran, and looked extremely confident after the preemptive strike from Hot Crimson and The Order during the previous match. Hassan stepped slowly into the ring and called his opponent on, but before the Cult duo could respond, The Order attacked once again, running in from behind and ambushing Inferno. Daark turned his attention to the assault only momentarily before Hassan nailed the universal champion with a forearm smash to the back of the head. Hassan then grabbed Daark and whipped him into the corner, delivering a series of knife-edge chops and choking the champion down with his bare hands. The referee, though, had his back turned to the action, trying to both break up the attack by The Order on Inferno and usher the three men out to the floor at the same time. Hassan took advantage of that fact and kept the chokehold on, forcing Daark down to the canvas before the ref even turned back to the match at hand. When the official did turn around he ran over to the corner and started a count, quickly stepping in to try and pull the challenger off of Daark. As soon as the referee’s hand touched Hassan, though, the “Egyptian Monarch”’s grip on Daark was released. He quickly whipped his head around to face the referee, and ordered him to keep his hands off of him. Two slaves hopped up on the apron and immediately sanitized Hassan’s arm as Hassan nailed Daark with a kick to the midsection. The ref ordered the slaves down to the floor and Hassan pulled Daark out, whipping him off the far ropes. Hassan went for a clothesline, but Daark ducked under and came off the far side with a desperation flying forearm. The blow caught Hassan square in the forehead, but it wasn’t enough to put the big man down. Daark slowly pulled himself up and stayed on the offense, spearing Hassan’s knees before the giant challenger could recover. This time Hassan went down, and Daark seemed to get a second wind from it. Before Hassan could get up Daark grabbed his left leg and dropped a series of elbows across the knee, causing Hassan to reach down and grab his leg, screaming out in pain. Daark stomped repeatedly on Hassan’s chest before pulling him back to his feet and shoving him back against the ropes. The champ then ran in and nailed a flying clothesline, sending both men over the top rope to the floor. Daark was first back to his feet, pulling back the mats and uncovering a portion of the concrete arena floor. He then pulled Hassan back to his feet once again and nailed a face buster that slammed the challenger face first into the cement. After rolling Hassan back into the ring Daark looked to be ready to finish his opponent off, but The Bootlegger stood up in his front row seat. He shouted out towards the universal champ, drawing Daark’s attention away from the match. The referee began to count Daark out, and the champ eventually turned his attention back to the match and re-entered the ring, but when he did he was quickly met with a European uppercut below the belt from Hassan. Daark collapsed the mat as Hassan let out a boisterous laugh, before pulling Daark up and applying a cobra clutch. Hassan had a look of superior confidence on his face as the referee began to check on Daark, who had sustained an incredible amount of punishment since the end of the Crimson/Inferno match. Hassan ordered the ref to stop the match, but just as he did Daark wrestled out of the hold and whipped Hassan off the ropes. The challenger came back with a powerful lariat, but Daark ducked underneath and hooked Hassan with a Russian legsweep. The Egyptian’s head snapped back off the canvas, and Daark quickly locked on the Purgatory sharpshooter! Seeing their leader in trouble, The Order jumped up on the apron and started into the ring. They didn’t make it far, though, as Inferno pulled Dragonfly out under the bottom rope and Daark, after releasing the Purgatory, traded blows with Tao. After flooring Dragonfly with the Elder’s Vengeance, Inferno walked over and grabbed a steel chair. He tossed it over the top rope to Daark before going back after Dragonfly. Daark, however, never saw the chair coming. It struck Daark in the back of the head, and went unnoticed by the referee, who was busy ushering Tao to the outside. Seeing what happened, Hassan quickly tossed Daark off the ropes and nailed the Koran Thump!! Tao jumped down to the floor and nailed Inferno with a right hand as the ref turned around to see Hassan covering Daark and count the 1…2…3!! Hassan Abu Saada had upset Daark for the universal title! The ref went to present Hassan with the belt, but one of the slaves quickly rushed in and grabbed the belt away, sanitizing it for his master before handing the strap to the new champion. Hassan’s moment in the sun was short lived, though, as, with The Order occupied with Inferno, The Bootlegger hopped over the safety rail and slid into the ring, jabbing one of his infamous taser guns into the back of the new champ. Hassan collapsed to the canvas and Bootlegger stood over him laughing as the screen fades to black.

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