Races at Darlington are like dates with me: short, borderline disastrous, and only occuring twice a year. This week’s Transouth Financial 400 was no different.

 But much of this week’s drama took place before the green flag fell. The NASCAR world was shocked and grief-stricken on Friday, when Mr. Atlanta Texas Thunder Bobby Labonte wrecked during practice and broke the tip of his right scapula. Some rube had dropped oil on the track in practices for the Saturday Grand National race (which Bobby won last year), and Bobby lost control and collected a bunch of concrete.

 The stock market plunged, suicide rates shot up, and flags were lowered to half-mast. Worst of all, a huge controversy erupted here at NASCAR's most adjudicatorial web page. Nathan found out about the bad news, and emailed me this:

the Broncos to win the Super Bowl, then John Elway breaks his legs in

practice, the bookmakers don't allow you to change your pick nor the point

spread. Hey, if I see that Rusty Wallace isn't running very well the first

50 laps, can I change my pick? If Jeff Gordon isn't feeling as pretty as he

usually does come Sunday, can I change my pick? Nathan, only a wussboy or a

Rainbow Warrior fan would accept double points."

run that one race with his rib poking through his jumpsuit,

surely Bobby can drag himself into the seat because his

shoulder is a little sore. Like Tammy Wynette, i am

standing by my man."

When you make your picks, you should mean them. Even if your boy only races the first lap, you should trust him and his team to bring in a good substitute. You should expect that the car will still be awesome -- don't forget that even crummy drivers can often stay competitive if they're driving a strong car. NASCAR is a world of crazy chances, so you've got to learn to live on the edge when you make your picks.

 I was so distraught over the whole broken scapula thing that I promised people who stuck with their Labonte pick that they'd get double points if he actually did finish in the top five. If it'd been any other driver I wouldn’t have cared. This brings us to another important thing you should know: I'm about as partial and arbitrary a judge as you'll ever find. If you want consistency and fairness, go watch "Judge Judy."

 Although the number 18 car didn’t finish in the top five, Bobby and the Joe Gibbs team certainly gave a heroic performance. Bobby started the race (you have to run at least the first lap in order to collect points; once that lap is done, you can bring on a substitute), and he fought it out for 40 laps. He even stayed out while everyone else pitted, earning the five bonus points for leading a lap. His substitute Matt Kenseth then came in, and he turned in a great performance by finishing in 10^th position. If there was ever any doubt as to the strength of the number 18 Pontiac car, that doubt is gone. Instead of a disastrous drop in the points standings, the combined efforts of Bobby and Matt put NASCAR’s most beloved driver only one position lower this week – he’s third in the points, behind J. Burton and Girlyman Gordon.

 Nathan S. once told me a theory he has about Gordon and his rise to stardom in NASCAR. I can’t do it justice, and I’m hoping Nathan will give us a full article explaining the peregrinations of the fiendish plot. The long and short of it is that NASCAR wants Gordon to be a superstar, so he can do for NASCAR what Jordan did for the NBA. I’d poo-pooed (anyone help me with the style rules for "poo poo"? Is it two words? One? Hyphenated?) Nathan before this race, but no more. I’m on board. Why? Read on.

 After they’d finished half the laps, past the point where they could end the race and still call it complete, it started raining again. Before the officials could get out the caution flag, there was a big old wreck. Who caused it? Our good buddy Ernie Irvan. And he did it in high fashion, folks. He collected Irwin, Sadler, Craven (all names we’ve seen in the wreck column before), J. Burton (the leader), and a touch of Gordon. Gordon wasn’t hurt too bad – just a tap, messing up the front right end. So NASCAR red-flagged the race to see if the rain would pass over. Nope, they didn’t let the drivers go around one more time under caution, didn’t let drivers race back to the start-finish line for position, didn’t let them pitstop for position. Just plain stopped ‘em dead. The positions were locked. If NASCAR had let them all go around, at full speed or at caution speed, J. Burton, who had three tires and zero engines, would’ve gone to last place. Joining him, or at least losing a bunch of positions, would’ve been the rainbow boy.

 But no, NASCAR red-flagged the race right there, and soon after they called it quits. You Gordon fans are going to hear about this one for the rest of the year.

 In other news, our points leader, Sean "These tar fumes are making me dizzy" F. talked some pre-race trash last week:

is...sean's groove. like harry gant, i'm running the high line early

to save my tires, and i'll run the high line late to make my move. i

haven't even started to use up my car yet."

Wow, looks like Sean wants to play hardball. His words didn't go unanswered, though. Tim had this response:

to pull something else out of your ass."

 Kevin K.:
" And DNF should mean just that -- did not finish. If some driver has the tenacity to cross the finish line three hours after the official winner, Special Olympics-style, I think he's a winner too."

 William:

" Not sure about the DNF. Maybe it's a good thing and should be lots of points to actually pick a person who truly DNF or maybe have two point values: one for 50 laps back and more for a true DNF."

 Tim:

" Though I was the one who got stung, I think "DNF" should continue to mean totally knocked out."

 Nathan:

"And about the modification of the DNF

category: Maybe your definition of

"wreck" is different from mine, but

in my book any car that you can finish

a race in has not been wrecked. DNF

should require radiator fluid on the

track, missing fenders, and lots and

lots of four letter words. Remember,

Sandro: rubbin' is racin', but wreckin'

shore ain't."

 Sean:

" Your new DNF/-50 rule sounds good to me. i'm happy that SANDRO (like NASCAR) is always trying to keep the playing field level w/ rules changes."

 Dad:

"The 50 lap rule seems fine. On the other hand you seen to introduce a new

"interesting rule" each week. When will this moving target stop? "

 And finally, Ryan S., our most erudite member:

"i think its crap - a dnf is a dnf --- next thing you're gonna want to give extra

points for the prettiest color scheme or the tackiest hollywood corporate spononsorship ----high falutin bleeding hearts, liberals, and pinko commies"

 So four of the seven respondents said a DNF is a DNF. That's a majority in my book. We'll keep DNF as it is.

 People who kept their Bobby Labonte picks each got 5 bonus points for sticking with my favorite driver. William P. collected 5 points for ingratiating comments and helping me improve the web page. Kevin K. got 5 for answering a bonus question I had in my predictions (the answer was "The Jumping Frog of Calaveras County"). The totals for this week include all of those points.

 I also made a short table to give you bonus points for your final four picks. The cumulative table includes all the points you've earned this year, race points and bonus points.