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Race Summary

Sean: To Shave, or Not To Shave?

Little E: Where's the Beef?

Our Points Race

The Points Boards 

1. Jeff Burton
2. Kenny Wallace (who?)
3. Jeff Gordon
4. Dale Jarrett
5. Bill Elliott

Things were hot on the track, in the garage, and in the comments this week. Jeff Burton won his fourth race, but only because Tony Stewart, who had a big fat lead, ran out of gas with three laps to go. Bobby got collected earlier in the race, giving him his second crappy finish in three races. Wallace (Rusty, not this chucklehead Kenny) claims Jeff Gordon put him in the wall, and DJ said Gordon tried to do the same thing to him. Even more exciting than all the action in New Hampshire was the action in upstate New York, where our former points leader, Sean F., had purportedly grown a mustache. Truth? Rumor? You can only find out here, folks.

But let's talk about the race first. It was pretty exciting, but I only got to hear snippets of it on the radio. I was busy dominating an intense match of frisbee golf during the race, and could only sneak over to my car for a listen when the competition was stuck in the slough of despond, which is where most competitors are when they face the real deal (that's me). So I can't really give y'all a blow-by-blow account of the race, but I can fill you in on the important stuff.

Like I said, Tony was having a great day up front until he ran out of gas. Some people are saying that it was a rookie mistake to run out of gas, but I seem to recall that it doesn't matter how many years of experience you have when you have an empty tank. Cars just don't go without fuel, so leave Tony alone. Burton took the win and Kenny "Are you sure I'm not a lap behind y'all?" Wallace took second. Jeff Gordon got third, but not before tapping DJ almost into the wall. On the final lap, Jeffy bumped DJ in a most gratuitous fashion, and after the race DJ was none too happy with Gordon. There was cussing and cursing and banjo playin', and everything got caught on video. DJ said Jeff shouldn't have bumped him, Jeff said DJ should've gotten out of his way because Gordon had the stronger car. It ended with DJ telling Gordon that if he wants a war, he'll get one.

Man, I hope there's a war. Talk about livening up what is already the world's liveliest sport. And you know that once people start bumpin, Earnhardt and Wallace will want to get involved. We could have nothing but 10-car pileups for the rest of the season. Woooo!

The Real Issue: Sean With Facial Hair?

Word on the street is that Sean F. has grown a mustache. We don't have any witnesses as of yet, and we don't have any solid evidence, like photographs, to back up the claim. Give the lack of verifiability of this claim, we have no choice but to assume it's true.

The question is why did Sean suddenly decide to grow the cookie duster? Does he think it makes him look cooler? Does he want some protection for his upper lip from that harsh New York sun? Or has he simply lost his razors, and he's too cheap to go buy new ones?

I think I know what's going on: Frenchy is losing faith in the rainbow warrior. With his bald upper lip, Gordon gained the admiration of men and women everywhere. He was winning races and setting records, all with a smooth face. But what about this year? Jeffy seems to be slipping. Fewer wins, more DNFs, and stupider commercials may be signalling the end of the rainbow era. Who sits atop the points now? Why, the heavily mustached Dale Jarrett.

Sean is looking back on the history of NASCAR. Richard Petty: mustache. Dale Earnhardt: mustache. Terry Labonte, who is the only man to break Gordon's hold on NASCAR in the late 90's: mustache (note: Terry shaved his mustache before the beginning of the season, and he's doing worse than he's done in a decade). Sean just wants to be with the winners.

Will Little E Out-E Big E?

Our question for this week was will Dale Earnhardt, Jr. be as big a deal in Winston Cup racing as his father was. Y'all made some insightful points on this issue. Check out what Duncan said:

Once again, we see the importance of mustaches in NASCAR. Tim is of similar mindset:

Yes, that's something we'd all like to know. Kevin K. had a non-mustache but still very persuasive answer:

That Snuffy Smith thing kills me. Kevin K wrote more on the subject, so y'all should go to the comments page and get the whole story. But with regards to the question at hand, I think my Dad came through with an unusually on-target answer to the big question:

And there's your answer, folks: the competition in NASCAR is much more fierce than it was 10 years ago, so Little E can't expect to waltz to multiple championships. His dad has already been tossed aside like so much bantha fodder. Guys like DJ, Mark Martin, Jeff Gordon, Texas Thunder, and Jeff Burton aren't just going to slide over to give the kid some races. And then there's other young guns like Tony Stewart and Matt Kenseth who are going to be hounding Little E all over the track. Little E won't have a team so far exceeding other teams next year like he does now, because Winston Cup teams are about a billion times better than Busch teams. Right now he's got the equivalent of a WC team -- but not a great one. He'll need to hook up with a Ray Evernham or a Richard Childress if he wants to put together some wins.

The other question was what's the deal with Irvan. He's driving like the cops are watching him or something. Let's go to Nathan with the exhaustive list of possibilities:

Lots of y'all picked Burton to win, so the points averages were pretty strong. My dad was the only one to get the surprise points, picking Bill Elliott to make the cut. He also got the bonus points for answering the Little E question correctly. Ryan is still hanging in there, but William and Neil both recorded devastating DNF's. Will is getting married soon, and Neil is out of school for the summer, so I guess they can't maintain the focus necessary to compete at this level. Duncan, Tim, Nathan, and Kevin tied for the win this week. All four of those guys have been consistent lately, and they're all moving ahead in the points.

Overall, Duncan is the main man on the move. After joining the big game late, he's come on real strong. This week he passes Will. Ryan also showed that consistency is the key, this week passing Neil -- that's Ryan's first pass of the year! Are more to come? Chris and my dad are stil in a dead heat for seventh place. Something's got to give there soon.

Cumulative Points

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