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Road Race: What a Waste of NASCAR's Finest

What:SMart 350 (Race 17 of 34)
Where:Some loser town in CA
When:Sunday, June 27, ESPN

(Don't want to read my insightful and witty comments? Click here to go straight to making your picks.)

This week our 43 most favorite people on the planet will be in our least favorite state: California. They'll be wasting a weekend on one of the stupidest tracks ever, the Sears "What's the" Point track. It's a road course, meaning it's a flat asphalt track with lots of winding curves and corners like you'd find in your own pitiful neighborhood.

Why does NASCAR race at this track? I don't know. Probably they get a whole lot of money from someone to do it. Maybe it's an X-files thing. Either way, I don't like it. The record speed at this track is 81 mph. Are they even getting into fourth gear? Why don't they just rent some Dodge Neons? We might as well watch an Indy car race, because this is just the kind of lame track they race on.

Expect very little passing, a bunch of cautions caused by people hitting the wall in the ridiculous turns, and really bad camera angles. As Chris G. says, you don't change position much in a road race. If you start in fifth place, chances are you'll end up in fifth, plus or minus two spots. This is the kind of race where your best chance to win the race is to win qualifying.

Last year Gordon actually made the race interesting by making up a whole bunch of distance in the last few laps to pass Bobby Hamilton for the win. Because of that, and because Jeffie is from CA, and because he's been second in the last three races, I'm telling you right now that Gordon is a 100 percent lock to win this year's running of the Stupidfest 350 (by the way, did anyone catch my typo regarding this race's sponsor?). No question about it. No one dominates these stupid tracks like Gordon. I don't even know if the other drivers will bother showing up. The rest of your top five is a crap shoot, but it's really more of the former than the latter. DJ does poorly on road tracks, as does Bobby Labonte and Mark Martin. Expect some goofy names to be in there, like Dallenbach and Lepage and Irvan and Green. Who knows, maybe this is the week Rudd gets his annual victory.

As y'all may have noticed, I've fallen way, way off the pace in the points. In fact, I haven't picked a race winner all year. So you might want to take that into account. I could be jinxing Gordon by picking him. Of course, once I get to the picking page, I may break down and go with Texas Thunder again. It's all about taking risks. So get to picking, and don't forget to address the controversial topic of the week. This one's a doozy.

Instructions

First of all, choose your name from the pull-down list. Then pick the names of the drivers that you think will finish in the top five. After that, you get to make your surprise pick, where you'll name a guy who isn't high in the points, but you think has a shot to get into this week's top five. It doesn't have to be one of the names you've already put in your top five. Now that the season is in full swing, let's use the current Winston Cup Points standings. Click here to check out the nicely done standings page at nascar.com. Remember, your surprise pick can't be any of the names listed in the TOP TEN of the points standings.

And hey, don't forget to pick a DNF. That's the guy you think will get a big fat Did Not Finish.

Click on the upside-down triangle at the right margin of each blank to see a list of drivers, then select a name. No typing necessary. Don't forget to tell me your name!

What's your name?

Name of First Place Driver:

Name of Second Place Driver:

Name of Third Place Driver:

Name of Fourth Place Driver:

Name of Fifth Place Driver:

Name of your surprise pick:

Choose your "DNF of the Week"

Controversial Topic of the Week

While I was down at Tim's house last weekend, I was subjected to hours and hours of the worst possible kind of entertainment. No, I don't mean listening to Nathan's story about the time he jumped in the fountain at the Knoxville World's Fair site, I mean a golf tournament. There was one dude, Mickelson I think his name was, whose wife was in the hospital about to have a baby. He announced at the beginning of the tournament that if his wife went into labor he'd drop his clubs and go to his wife, never mind about some stupid golf game. I think he was having a great tournament, too. I couldn't tell because I kept falling asleep when I looked at the TV, but I think he was in contention for the win with only a few holes left to play. I don't think his wife ever called, but it makes you wonder if he really meant it.
If his wife had gone into labor, do you think he should have left the tournament? Would your opinion change based on how well he was doing at the time he got the call? As usual, explain the hows and whys of your answer, and feel free to make disparaging remarks about anyone but me.