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Monster Racing at the Monster Mile!!!

What:MBNA Platinum 400 (Race 14 of 34)
Where:Dover, Delaware
When:Sunday, June 6, 12:30 pm, TNN

(Don't want to read my insightful and witty comments? Click here to go straight to making your picks.)

Get your short-track shorts on folks, 'cause we're headed to Dover. The mile-long track in Delaware, known as "the Monster Mile," is about to get besieged by 43 of the drivingest people on the planet. A few drivers will attack the monster with all their might, only to be rewarded with chunks of concrete and a soft bed at Delaware General (G. Bodine, I'm looking in your direction). Most drivers will be happy to escape the monster without serious injury. Only one person will be tough enough to master the monster of the northeast. I can't think of any way to stretch this overstretched metaphor any farther, so let's move on.

After some incredible racing at Charlotte, our boys are back to bumpin' and rubbin' on a track the size of Ross Perot's head. Think about what happened at Bristol, Darlington, and Rockingham and you'll have a good idea what to expect this Sunday. We're finally back to racing in daylight, so be sure to plan your getting-out-of-church-early excuses well in advance. So far the best one seems to be "The Lord told me to do it." Hey, it worked for Moses, right?

I'd say go with Gordon all the way, but his cars just haven't been what they were last year. Charlotte was yet another big fat disappointment for him. Tony Stewart, as I'm sure you all heard, amazed the world by finishing in the top ten of both the Indy Borehundred and the Coca Cola 600. But has he proven himself on the short track? Dale Jarrett won this race last year, but only after Gordon had to pit in the last laps because of a nearly empty gas tank. I doubt DJ be in the winner's circle this week. In fact, he's due for his monthly DNF.

As exciting and controversial as the race is sure to be, we've got something extra special to add to this week's fun. You remember how I had that great top 5 list of reasons Joe Nemechek will give for crashing? I want you to include your own top 5 in your comments (in addition to your usual brilliant comments, of course). You could make it G. Bodine or Ernie Irvan or Ricky Rudd if you want too. Write it as if the driver were saying them in a post-crash interview, and feel free to throw in some southern talk. If you want to review my great top 5 list, perhaps the greatest top 5 NASCAR-related list ever, check out the page from week 11. I'll make a special page for next week where you can read everyone's lists and vote for the best one. Let's make this one worth 10, count 'em, 10 big points. Sweet!

Instructions

First of all, choose your name from the pull-down list. Then pick the names of the drivers that you think will finish in the top five. After that, you get to make your surprise pick, where you'll name a guy who isn't high in the points, but you think has a shot to get into this week's top five. It doesn't have to be one of the names you've already put in your top five. Now that the season is in full swing, let's use the current Winston Cup Points standings. Click here to check out the nicely done standings page at nascar.com. Remember, your surprise pick can't be any of the names listed in the TOP TEN of the points standings.

And hey, don't forget to pick a DNF. That's the guy you think will get a big fat Did Not Finish.

Click on the upside-down triangle at the right margin of each blank to see a list of drivers, then select a name. No typing necessary. Don't forget to tell me your name!

What's your name?

Name of First Place Driver:

Name of Second Place Driver:

Name of Third Place Driver:

Name of Fourth Place Driver:

Name of Fifth Place Driver:

Name of your surprise pick:

Choose your "DNF of the Week"

Controversial Topic of the Week

Don't forget to do the big top 5 reasons Joey Joe Joe will give for wrecking. If you don't know what I'm talking about, go read what I wrote about this week's race. For examples, perhaps the funniest examples on the planet, check out the page from week 11, where I made the original ground-breaking list. And please, make as many ad hominem remarks as you like. (By the way, Tim, "ad hominem" does not mean calling someone gay.)