Week IX Newsletter

The Retreads continue to play some of the best football in the league this year as they started slowly but picked up steam along the way, defeating Montezuma's Revenge 42-17 in Week 9 action for their fifth straight league win after a 1-3 season start. This was the last game in the league to begin scoring but once it came, it came in waves for one team. The Retreads combined a pair of Muhsin Muhammad TD receptions with Edgerrin James' TD, 109 yards rushing and 90 yards receiving and Kurt Warner's 3 TD throws (15 pts) for a 42-17 lead after the noon games. The only points to be mustered by the Revenge (2-7) were a Keyshawn Johnson TD catch and 11 points from K Jason Hanson. The 3pm games were no better to the Revenge as Dillon, Bynum and Rod Smith were each shut out. With that, the game was effectively over despite anything Steve McNair could possibly hope to do on Sunday night. And turned out to be nothing. With the win, the Retreads pull into a 1st place tie in the Howe division with the Strange Highways and Natural Mystics, all at 6-3. They also move to 2-0 lifetime vs. the Revenge. Meanwhile, the season continues to slip away from the Revenge, who now find themselves at 2-7, failing to pick up a game against the Bearded Clams, losers this week themselves.

The middle portion of the Natural Mystics' season, otherwise known as the Bataan Death March, continued in Week 9 against the Bearded Clams, unbeaten since Week 2. But the reeling Mystics recovered enough to post victory number six on the season, gaining a game in the Howe standings and finding themselves now in a three way tie for the division lead with the Highways and Retreads. Seven of the Mystics' nine starters were playing at noon so Coach Wassem's team needed points early. By the time 3pm came, they had 27 of them compared to 6 for the Clams. After an early Tim Dwight TD catch kept the score close early, John Kasay scored 15 points, Peyton Manning had 10 (1 pass, 1 run) and the Mystics got a defensive safety. But was it enough to withstand a late Clams contingent of Aikman, Emmitt, Mare and the D? Carl Pickens made his first contribution to the Mystics since his trade with a 75 yard TD bomb. He also finished with over 100 yards receiving on the day. The margin was now 29, at 35-6, entering SNF and MNF. The Clams picked up 5 Olindo Mare points and 4 points from the Dolphins defense due to their shutout of the Titans. With the Clams still down 20 Monday night, things took a turn for the surreal. In a span of under two minutes, Emmitt Smith ripped off a 63 yard TD run for the Clams, putting him over 100 yards already and slicing the lead to 8. After the Vikings fumbled the ensuing kickoff, Emmitt ripped off a 2nd TD on his very next carry, another 24 yards. The lead was suddenly 6 and it wasn't even halftime. Then Halle Selassie smiled down upon the Mystics. On that 2nd TD, Emmitt suffered a contusion of his right hand and just like that he was gone for the game. Next, in the early 3rd quarter, Troy Aikman took a hit and he too was gone, the Mystics still clinging to the narrow 6 point lead. The Mystics won their 1st ever game vs. the Clams to improve to 6-3 entering next week's showdown versus the Strange Highways while the Clams, 5-3-1, will play the King of Dogs and try to shake off the rasta smell of the loss.

This game had more than its share of players with late games. Three Marc Brunell TD passes and 8 points from Duce Staley gave PMS a 20-10 lead entering the 3pm games. The Norris' Brett Favre was again limited, this week to 4 points. Johnny Morton scored a late TD in the noon game to keep the Norris within 10. Only two Norris players started at noon (Favre and Morton) while only three PMS starters played at noon (Brunell, Staley and Murrell). Both teams had reason to believe they could win. The Norris needed a win or a Clam loss to stay close in the Dewey while PMS just wants a win. The 3pm portion of the game was a one on one dual between Jason Elam and Rickey Watters. Elam came out slightly ahead 16-14, giving PMS an overall lead of 36-24 but with plenty of players still left for each team, six on MNF alone counting the Vikings D. Randy Moss' TD Monday night than offset the production by the Norris' Gary Anderson and PMS had won its 2nd game of the year. Now 2-6-1, PMS is coming off its best game just in time for a division game this coming weekend against Grande To The Party, a team they already beat 14-8 back in Week 5. Meanwhile, the NFC Norris fall to 4-5, losers of two straight. Over the past three years in November and December, the Norris are a combined 5-16-1. They'll try to right the ship next week against Montezuma's Revenge.

The Dogs and Swords are two teams at opposite spectrums. The Dogs are hoping to win at least 3 games so as not to tie Featherston's Falcons for the worst record for a season at 2-13. The Swords are trying to survive in the tight division and playoff races it finds itself in. Moreover, the Swords have the pressure of becoming the Dogs' first victim to contend with. Mike Vanderjagt gave the Swords the opening point of the game but Jimmy Smith reeled in a 44 yarder to give the Dogs the lead, 6-3. After Donyell Bennett made it 12-3, Vanderjagt responded with another 10 points for a 13-12 Swords edge entering the 3pm games. The Swords still had Jeff George, Alstott and Leroy Hoard left while the Dogs had 5 starters in the bag. Kris Brown toed nine pionts and Kordell Stewart tossed a TD pass for the Dogs to stave off 8 late points from RB Mike Alstott and keeping the Dogs barely in front, 25-21. A Tony Martin TD catch Sunday gave the Dogs a 31-21 lead entering Monday night. Jeff George threw a TD pass before half and tossed his second one at the start of the 4th quarter, pulling the Swords to within 31-29. With the game winding down, George hit Randy Moss with a 47 yard strike with under 5 minutes left Monday night, snatching victory from defeat for the Swords and possibly salvaging the season. It was a crushing loss for the Dogs who were closer to smelling the odor of victory than at anytime this season. Nevertheless, the Dogs fall to 0-9 entering their game against the Bearded Clams. The exhausted Swords must quickly get ready for their next contest against the Greenback Iguanas. A loss would kill their playoff hopes by putting them three back with five to play.

Ten Steve Christie points were no match for an early Iguana wave that resulted in a 22 point Iguana lead by the end of the noon games. Mike Hollis had 12 of the points on 3 PATs and 3 field goals, Germaine Crowell had 10 and Keenan McCardell added a TD. By 3pm, the Steamers were down to just Kitna and Bettis along with their defense while the Iguanas still had both starting running backs. The game picked up steam after 3pm. Jon Kitna threw 3 touchdown passes for the Steamers while Jerome Bettis added a pair of TD runs. But Olandis Gary had a strong second half, scoring 2 TDs and breaking the 100 yard mark for the Iguanas, allowing them to maintain a 12 points lead. Gary was the difference in the end as the Steamers eventually ran out of players and time. He continues to garner the brunt of the playing time for Denver since both Terrell Davis and Derek Loville fell to injuries and he has helped ease the loss of Jamal Anderson in Week 2. The Iguanas are now 7-2, still one game ahead in the Cheatem division entering their game next week against the Palace of Swords. They also improve to 2-0 against the Steamers. The Steamers will play the Retreads next week.

The Highways needed to score early and often to hold up under the Party's late player starts. Coach Widtfeldt knew it. What he didn't know was that he had left all his points on the bench this point. But by the time the Party took a 20-13 lead going into the 3pm games and Antowain Smith had wasted 2 TDs on the bench and Patrick Jeffer another, the Highways found themselves with only Freddie Jones and a Giants defense in the defense of a Party spanking. The Party rode Erricht Rhett's 14 points (including a 52 yard TD run) and a Stephen Davis TD at the outset to hold off the Highways before Coach Will's 3pm starters even took the field. A Freddie Jones TD was too little to keep up with first time starter Trent Dilfer, subbing for the injured Brian Griese this week. Dilfer surprised for 12 points while Derrick Mayes caught a 10 yard TD pass, giving the Party a 19 point margin, 38-19. The game was over by this point. At 6-3, the Party stays just a game off the pace in the Cheatem division entering a Week 10 game vs. PMS. The Highways, now 6-3 on the year and 2-5 against the Party lifetime, will try to shake off the lethargy next week when the Natural Mystics come calling.

Week 9 Entries Into the League Record Book:

• The King of Dogs lost their 9th straight game to edge ever closer to the alltime league record of eleven.

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