Week Eleven Newsletter

The matchups were favorable. And the matchups held true. The Palace of Swords got scoring from 7 of 9 starters, including two TD runs by the QB no less in a one sided victory over the Natural Mystics in Week 11. Jeff Garcia didn't pass for any TDs. So, instead, he scored two with his legs to lead the Swords with 12 points. Bettis and Moss had 8 points each for the Swords, who ran their season record to 8-3, a league best. The victory guarantees Coach Pedersen of a winning season in 2000 and puts the Swords closer to a playoff berth for the 2nd time in 3 years. The Msytics got 8 points each from Robert Smith and Cris Carter but little scoring elsewhere this week in falling to 6-4-1 and dropping from 1st to 3rd in the "tight like a virgin" Howe division. The loss was the 3rd in 4 games for the Mystics against the Dewey division. When asked to comment after the game, Coach Wassem was still mumbling, "I can't believe All World stole that game with 2 defensive scores on Monday night. Last year the Clams. This year All World. When will it end?" The Mystics will try picking themselves off the canvas in time for a Week 12 against the Strange Highways in OFFL's oldest continuous rivalry while the Swords face off against the Greenback Iguanas.

For the 2nd time in 3 weeks, Coach Will failed to set a starting lineup. Only this time, his team performed better as a result as they defeated All World in a Week 11 blowout. Leading 46-7 entering MNF, All World could only make the score appear a little more respectable. The Gigis were paced by QB Trent Green's 22 points. Kris Brown added 12 for the Glandblasters. All World, prior to MNF, could muster only another defensive score (damn those Titans!) and a lone PAT from John Carney. Coach Wassem has been saying for several seasons now that, if Coach Will ever had a bad season, we'd see if he could maintain interest for a full season. Coach Wassem doubted it. Now, it appears, the time of truth has come. Despite the win, the Gigis are still but 4-7 and can be eliminated next week from the division race with either one loss or one more victory by the King of Dogs. The same can be said for All World who are now 4 games back in the Dewey divison with four games left to play. Next week, both teams go to face their Waterloo; All World against the De-bearded Clams and the Gigis versus Montezuma's Revenge.

There's a maxim that goes a little something like this: "Never ever leave a stud player on the bench regardless of the opponent." Now, I know some coaches make exceptions to this rule. Some even beat the odds on occasion. But, if you ask the Commish, that's like beating the dealer at Blackjack. You better get out while the gettin's good. In Week 11, PMS salivated over the prospect of Elvis Grbac repeating his Week 10 500 yard passing performance against a porous SF 49er defensive secondary. The trouble is that there's a reason there have been so few 500 yard passing performances in NFL history. It's just plain hard to do. And so it came as no surprise that Elvis followed his career record setting day with a zero in the box score on this day while Peyton Manning, not much better himself, still managed one TD for the week. Despite all that, Lamar Smith scored 12, Tim Brown 8 and Martin Gramatica 10 for PMS as they defeated Montezuma's Revenge. The Revenge were led by Marc Brunell's 12 points. Keyshawn Johnson had a TD catch for the Revenge. At 5-6, the Revenge still somehow cling to a 1st place tie in the Cheatem division entering next week's game vs. Grandmaster G. PMS, 7-4, play the King of Dogs next week.

After blowing up in Week 10, the Strange Highways returned to form in Week 11, scoring 19 points and insuring themselves the first pick in this week's Ricky Williams replacement lottery in their loss to the NFC Norris. Fred Taylor led the way with 8 points for the Highways while Joe Horn scored 6. The Norris, in winning their 2nd game in a row, were led by Mike Vanderjagt's 11 points. Jamal Anderson added 8 more for the 6-5 Norris. The Norris failed to gain ground in the Dewey division but continued to remain in contention for a wildcard berth at this point. Incredibly, the Highways, despite their 3-8 record, remain but two games off the pace in the Cheatem as the other three teams also lost. The best Cheatem record is 5-6, shared by the Iguanas and the Revenge, a fact that must be somewhat disheartening to PMS, the Norris, the King of Dogs, the Retreads and the Mystics, all teams with solid rosters struggling against each other for wildcard berths and division crowns elsewhere. Next week, the Norris will square off against the Retreads in a game neither team can really afford to lose at this point in the year. Meanwhile, the Highways will meet the Natural Mystics in Week 12.

Late in the game, it began to be a race for time between the Clams and the game clock, as the question was asked, "Would the Clams still have a player standing at the final gun?" The answer was yes but the victory was merely Pyrrhic for the Clams as they lost Jim Miller to a torn groin, Ricky Williams to a broken ankle, and, for good measure, rookie J.R. Redmond as well. And, oh yeah, they lost on the scoreboard 36-19 to the Retreads who generally seem to be in the right place at the right time in this league, historically speaking. With the Skipper lost at sea, Rickey Watters tried holding down the fort for the Clams with a pair of touchdowns and Isaac Bruce caught a TD of his own. However, on this day, Daunte Culpepper threw for 3 scores and ran for one of his own, accounting for 20 points. Ryan Longwell added 10 and James Stewart had 6. The Retreads improved to 7-4 entering next week's game against the NFC Norris. Meanwhile, the sinking Clams, 3-8, play the equally sunk All World next week in a game that someone must win.

The Iguanas lost their fourth straight game this week and still managed to hang on for dear life to a share of the Cheatem division lead with its 5-6 record. This week's loss was to the King of Dogs, who now sport the league's 2nd best record at 7-3-1. The Dogs won the game on the strength of 8 points each from Shaun King, Edgerrin James and Charlie Garner. The Iguanas had 6 points each from Tiki Barber, Marvin Harrison and Matt Stover. The Dogs lead the Howe division by 1/2 game over the Retreads and one full game over the Mystics entering a Week 12 game against PMS while the Iguanas, not so the picutre of green health these days, will try to end to free for all next week when they play the 8-3 Palace of Swords. In a side note, it's been brought to the Commish's attention that the bulletin board has been slightly more quiet this season, particularly of late, as the result of the Iguanas' less than stellar performance. For what it's worth, it also seems as though Coach Rady was more vocal last season during the Dogs' 2-13 debacle than he has been this season when he's got a team really worth getting excited about.

League Records:

• Trent Green (22) and Daunte Culpepper (20) each made the all-time single game list of points scored by a QB. The single game scoring record for a QB is Steve Young's 27 back in 1993. Kordell Stewart and Jake Plummer are next with single game totals of 26 points each.