The signature event of “Showdown Saturday,” designed to settle years of debate regarding the eating prowess of these two men renowned for their ravenous appetites, pitted Andrusco, who once ate a two pound prime rib at The Old Homestead before the waiters could place all of the side dishes on the table and who also finished a six-inch cold cut combo at Subway in 90 seconds, against Bowler, who once finished an unevenly cooked three-pound burger, with bun, just so that he could get it for free.
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| Competitors Rob Andrusco (left) and Geoff Bowler (right), joined by Gaming Commissioner Chris Crowley (center), prepare for the Meat-Off. |
As expected, Andrusco started off strong. Employing the intimidating strategy of eating multiple burgers at once, Rubar finished five burgers well before Bowler finished three. Faced with the prospect of being blown out early, Bowler picked up the pace. But it was obvious that the rigors of the contest and the foulness of the burgers was eating at him, as he began to sweat, bow his head and take breaks between burgers. Andrusco, meanwhile, chomped merrily away.
However, at the 10-burger mark, even Rubar began to show signs of slowing down, as a look of extreme focus, or perhaps disgust, overtook his gorged visage. Seizing the moment, Bowler mounted his long-anticipated challenge. Motivated by some words of wisdom (if that’s what the kids are calling it these days) whispered in his ear by Regina Galano, Balls began whoofing down overcooked, budget meat like it was his business and quickly closed the deficit to two burgers.
Ignoring his aching jaw muscles, Andrusco responded, albeit slowly, and extended his lead back to three. Bowler then hit a wall (perhaps that of his stomach), and both contestants then slowly chewed on at the same pace until the 45 minutes had elapsed.
When the final buzzer sounded, the only suspense that seemingly remained involved whether Rubar had covered the two-and-a-half-burger spread determined by Gaming Commissioner Chris Crowley. Bowler claimed that he should get credit for a 14th burger, which he had stuffed into his mouth immediately before the contest ended, due to his interpretation of the rules that, “it's how much you get into your mouth, and not what you swallow, that counts.” As is true in certain other lewd contexts, that argument fell upon deaf ears, and Andrusco’s three-burger victory remained intact.
But alas, a flicker of hope remained that Bowler could still emerge victorious. According to contest rules, if any contestant had a regurgitation event (i.e. vomited, spewed, chundered, blew chunks, etc.) during or within 10 minutes after the conclusion of the contest, he would automatically be disqualified. And with Rubar laying on the couch moaning and staring blankly at the ceiling, the final outcome hung in the balance.
The possibility of a Bowler upset grew stronger with each passing minute, as Rob, in obvious discomfort, struggled to retain the beefy goodness. But he persevered through the daunting 10 minutes, before bringing the 16 partially digested burgers back to the light of day.
As for the numbers, the 29 combined burgers consumed fell well short of the over/under of 37 established in the hype preceding the contest, primarily by those who don’t eat much meat in the first place. The cooking process resulted in two full coffee cans of fat drainage and two triggerings of the smoke alarm (ever after it was moved outside). Each contestant consumed approximately 1,500 calories from fat, though he did not receive a significant amount of virtually any vitamins or minerals. The total cost of all 10 pounds of meat prepared was $22.00.
Watching your friends gorge themselves on mass quantities of bad meat for no apparent reason: priceless.
