his name isn't really edwin. only close friends of mine know what his real name is, and it's very funny. but i'm not telling. i wish i have a picture of him, but i don't, because he doesn't like to take neoprints. he doesn't like crowds. he's just kinda weird. i never loved him, though i'm not sure his ego allowed him to process that possibility. he had great plans for his future, and i'm guessing i fit into his wife/family category, which is how he convinced himself to fall for me, in the span of one date, i guess. or maybe i should give him more credit than that, after all, we've emailed on and off for about a year before our first date, maybe he already liked me then. but really, i couldn't tell. and that's how i unknowingly broke his heart. i guess it's true, i broke his heart. because i forced him to break up with me, after i spent summer'00 in singapore. maybe he didn't want to, maybe he wanted to have a shot at the long distance thing. but i didn't want to, maybe because i was scared off by his rather aggressive ways, or maybe because i really just knew i didn't love him enough. he's a really intelligent, and ambitious guy who knew exactly what he wanted. and i get a feeling he always got what he wanted. except me maybe. i shouldn't have gone out on the 2nd, 3rd, 4th...countless dates with him. i shouldn't have let him cook a birthday dinner for me. i shouldn't have tried to convince myself to like him, only to fail miserably and hurt his feelings. till this day, i cannot be convinced that he had such deep feelings for me, because it just didn't seem possible a good looking smart guy like him would be pining for me. but still. if his emails were true, if he weren't trying to be hurtful, being the manipulative guy i know he is, then i've done a great wrong. and i'm really sorry. ok. so maybe he really was just a summer fling. but it didn't work out quite the way i thought it would, i thought i was his summer fling too. i was wrong, i left, he got hurt, i got hurt, we don't talk anymore. and i feel quite sad about that. |
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