**THE BIRDMAN**
Finally something I know about!
With all the defections and turmoil of last November, many suspected that 1998
would see the end of the World Wrestling Federation. But the WWF refused to
tap out. And why? Mostly because some guy named Stone Cold said so...
--Mike Tyson sunk his infamous choppers into wrestling history last January when he appeared at the WWF's Royal Rumble pay-per-view. From January to March, nary a Raw went by in which Vince McMahon didn't intone something about the BADDEST Man on the Planet. The heaping gads of money they threw Tyson's way paid off, in spades; certainly, all the iron-clad hype factors into the recent surge in the WWF's popularity (and remember, Tyson's name hasn't come up since Wrestlemania).
--Stone Cold Steve Austin began to show that he could do what few wrestlers have been able to do -- namely, break into mainstream popularity and not come off as a schnook in the process. I mean, do you really think Snap into a Slim Jim did much for the image of the business?
Austin's two-finger salute to Tyson actually made legitimate news in the process, the words Stone Cold came to mean something more than a lame early-90's movie starring Brian Bosworth.
--The Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels spent the first three months of 1998 as Champ -- depsite the fact that several nagging injuries kept him from doing standard moves (you know, like superkicks, piledrivers, walking, etc). And yet, at WrestleMania XIV, Michaels validated his claim as the Showstopper he competed with such a pained expression, you would have thought he had mousetraps clamped on all of his fingers and toes.
--En route to WrestleMania, the WWF staged one of their patented Wait? Was that supposed to happen? the New Age Outlaws (Road Dog Jesse James and Bad Ass Billy Gunn) pushed a dumpster containing the duo of Cactus Jack and Terry Funk off a twelve-foot high platform to the cement below.
--The Nation of Domination gained a member in the bulbous Mark Henry, but they lost a member as well; before 'Mania,The Rock Rocky Maivia oversaw a coup d'etat of Nation founder, Faarooq. Apparently, the rest of the Nation were as sick of Faarooq as the fans are.
--"Starring Steve Austin as the Messiah! That Stone Cold emerged from WrestleMania as the Champ didn't surprise many people; the heights of popularity he's reached even since then does. Nothing and nobody is bigger in wrestling today. Nothing!
--Giving Austin the belt did pose one problem, though: with Michaels out of the game, and Undertaker embroiled with his own lame vendetta, who would Austin fight? The answer: Vincent K. McMahon, in his unforgettable as the bad-guy promoter.
--While McMahon's been playing psychological games with Stone Cold, the various incarnations of Mick Foley have stepped up to the plate as Austin's initial in-ring challenger.Truthfully, thrusting Mrs. Foley's little boy into the main event position surprised some critics (all his talents notwithstanding); however, his physical contests with Austin as Dude Love and that unbelievable match against the Undertaker at King of the Ring ensured we all ate a healthy dose of crow.
--After dropping the belt at WrestleMania, Shawn Michaels spent the next several months incommunicado. Only recently has a somewhat-rehabilitated HBK resurfaced in the WWF -- as a guest commentator. Michaels maintains his bravado, but given his injuries, his in-ring future remains nebulous.
--As Michaels exits the stage, Hunter Hearst Helmsley enters. In Michaels' absence, Triple-H named himself the leader of Degeneration-X and re-built a new D-X army, which includes: (1) the returning X-Pac; (2 and 3) the New Age Outlaws; and (4, 5, 6 and 7) Chyna, the Ninth Wonder of the World.D-X spends their time cheating, giving opponents low-blows, pointing at their johnsons, and telling everyone to suck it.Naturally, they're good guys.
--The Undertaker disappeared for the first three months of 1998 (I hate when they do that) but re-emerged right before WrestleMania to engage in a family feud program with his brother, Kane. Thankfully, now that the Kane-'Taker thing has died down, the Man from the Dark Side has slipped into a center-stage story; now, he's badmouthing Vince (who isn't these days?) and weasling into a title match against Austin at SummerSlam.
--The Legion of Doom, who seemingly split up prior to WrestleMania, reunited and set some new goals for themselves: (1) Get a new look and a new name. (2) Find a new manager in the curvaceous form of Sunny. (3) Reverse their downward spiral and start winning some matches for a change. Well... what did Meat Loaf say about two out of three?
--Owen Hart decided enough was enough and it was time for a change. The pansy- ass good-guy Owen turned on Ken Shamrock and joined Rocky Maivia's Nation.
--Dustin Rhodes burned hisGoldust uniform and claimed that he was beginning anew. His renewed regime presumably entailed losing a bunch of matches and completely disappearing.
--Ken Shamrock beat Rocky Maivia in the King of the Ring finals. To celebrate, he went backstage and screamed inarticulately.
--Finally, we've seen a lot more of Sable... and in the process, we have seen a lot MORE of Sable, if you smell what I'm cooking. Amazingly, the woman who was used to peddle over-priced inflatable King of the Ring chairs has been transformed into a major attraction; chants for Sable rival those of even Austin. Granted, this wave of popularity required that she shed most of her clothes on a daily basis... but hey, who's complaining?
--Mick Foley -- The guy not only ceaselessly defies us with feats of derring- do, but he also juggles three pretty varied and interesting characters (Cactus Jack, Dude Love, and Mankind). I mean, Paul Bearer can't even sustain our interest with ONE character... and this guy does three?
--The Rock -- A year ago I think it's safe to say that nobody really cared to smell what the Rock was cookin'. Now, Maivia's actually accomplishing that rare wrestling feat -- living up to the advance hype.
--Triple-H -- This is the guy who routinely lost to Henry Godwinn and Jake Roberts two years ago? And who knew he had this much charisma behind that big schnoz of his?
--Undertaker -- Now that they've toned down the undead stuff and steered him into this banging heads with the boss angle, Undertaker has really come alive .
--The Rattlesnake -- I think it can safely say Austin's popularity eclipses that of one anyone else in the sport, past or present. More popular than Hogan, Piper, Savage, Michaels, and (dare I say?) even Fatu. I see Austin shirts all over the place, whether in the supermarket, at a fireworks display or in the prison yard.
By easing Bret out of the picture (or, perhaps, forcibly shoving him out of the picture), the WWF had the opportunity to showcase some other talent. And, let's face it: since every interminable and repetitive Bret Hart interview lasts for about forty-five minutes, that's a lot of time to re-distribute.
STOP THE SORCERY: I'm sorry, Kane can't shoot lightning!
TOO MANY TITLES: What exactly is the European Championship? Have they ever explained that to us? What's so particularly European about it? With the Bulldog gone, are there even any Europeans left in the WWF to compete for it? Is it less prestigious than the Intercontinental Championship? Does anyone know? And then there's the Light Heavyweight Belt... has that been defended in the last 8-9 months? Which reminds me...
LIGHT'S OUT: The so-called Lightheavyweight Division has gone from Light to Virtually Non-existent. Did they just forget about it? And do you think that maybe, just maybe, the lack of interest in the division has something to do with its charisma-challenged champion?
JIM CORNETTE'S NWA INVASION: Again, perhaps this idea could have gone somewhere. But once Jeff Jarrett and Dan Severn ventured off on their own, Cornette was left with the Rock and Roll Express (combined age: 173), Barry Windham, Bart Gunn, and Bob Holly. That's not exactly an invasion force I'd get too concerned about...
The WWF has put together some damn exciting RAW's and pay-per-views so far in 1998, and the ratings bear that out; RAW has quite consistently beaten Nitro in the ratings -- a feat that the WWF had not accomplished since Spring 1996! (I mean, in that time span, Bill Clinton was re-elected President, I got married, Robin Williams won an Oscar, and the SportsGuy... well, I think he bought Sony PlayStation.)
As long as Austin stays healthy, I see the WWF staying on top or at least remaining quite competitive. But I still have a few observations:
I never thought I'd say this, but I think the WWF actually has too much talent. There's really a lot of deadwood there -- for example, Vader, Faarooq, Chainz, Bradshaw, Snow, Mero, Jarrett, Dustin, Funk, Blackman, Jackyl and his Oddities, and virtually every tag-team except for the Outlaws. (I mean, has Marc Mero won a legit match in about five months?).
I say bump up one or two of your mid-card guys to the top for a spell, or else give them vaguely entertaining stories.
Keep investing in your younger guys -- guys like Maivia, Val Venis, X-Pac,
Helmsley, etc. If you have any doubts whether or not you should go with the
young blood or the tried-and-true, flip over to the other channel and catch a
glimpse of a wrinkled Roddy Piper trying to wrestle with an artificial hip. If
that doesn't convince you...
**THE BIRDMAN**