You won't really be smiling. You will in all likelihood be drooling, jaw agape, head tipped to one side with your eyes closed and a thin trickle of saliva dripping from the corner of your mouth.

This is Cabcam, the security system which will soon see cameras installed in Brisbane's taxis, a new source of video entertainment which should see some intriguing scenarios unfold.

The above mentioned will be the most typical as passengers, tired as newts after a night of enthusiastic social imbibition, succumb to the soporific, rocking motion of the cab and slip into a stupor.

Their snores too, will be recorded as their tongues loll and their heads rock from one side to the other. At the end of each month, I suggest that these videos be reviewed and that the cab company give free trips to the people who have given exceptional back seat performances.

There could be a prize for the person who showed the greatest degree of surprise when the driver, having misheard their slurred directions to South Brisbane as Southport, indicates the $200 owing on the meter.

Awards also would have to be handed out for the couple staging the best domestic dispute in a cab with smaller prizes for the best insult hurled between couples and best icy wait-till-I-get-you-home stare from a female.

Extra points could be awarded for body language between couples, the camera recording the classic pose of a woman with her arms folded across her chest sitting in the far corner of the cab staring fixedly out the window while her male companion wonders if he is going to be invited inside when they reach her house.

Cabcam will know that the answer will be a resounding "Get real!" while continuing to record his optimistic but misdirected advances. Best intoxicated female award would also be a fiercely contested category.

Male passengers who have over indulged can be relied upon generally to either become extremely loquacious or merely slump, semicomatose in the seat.

Women in a similar condition feel the need to drape themselves across somebody and slobber over them. Perhaps it's the deep seated maternal instinct at work, but it is a wonderfully effective method of transferring large quantities of make-up from their faces to the front of a newly cleaned suit. Best true confessions also would be a popular category.

There are those who regard cab drivers as human wailing walls and accordingly will unburden their hearts, this, admittedly, being preferable to unburdening a recently consumed pizza.

Unfaithful boyfriends/girlfriends are the most popular topic of conversation, the utterance of the words: "You know what, driver..." signalling the imminence of a monologue on his girlfriend and intended fiancée, Jaelene, who he's just discovered has been shagging his best mate, Wazza, for the past six months.

Best unintentional flash also would be worthy of acknowledgement as there are those passengers whose body parts, on collapsing into the back seat of a cab, tend to protrude from their clothing.

Skirts ride above ample thighs, mammaries burst forth from their lace trimmed restraints while fly zippers on males can show a disturbing tendency to unzip of their own accord, the owners of these pink bits gloriously unaware of the performance they are staging for the benefit of Cabcam.

Nor is it unknown for passion to suddenly overwhelm a couple ensconced in the back seat of a cab and the most eagerly awaited award for that would be Grope of the Month.

Most Original Medical Condition would attract a flood of entries as the atmosphere in a cab can trigger in some people an irresistible urge to relate their medical histories, beginning with childhood tonsillitis and culminating in that fascinating urinary tract infection from which they have but recently recovered but to which they could succumb again at any moment.