Blending in with the Old Boys
19th November, 2006
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So now you're allowed to stand abreast of the bar at the Tattersall's Club there are some rules you're going to need to be aware of, lovey. Don't be bringing any of that feminazi nonsense with you when you pop in for a small glass of sherry. Remember, you're allowed at the bar only if a fully functioning adult is with you, so make sure your supervising bloke is within sight at all times.
And while you're getting all excited about the prospect of full membership, just remember a bit of gratitude never goes astray. The club is always keen to increase profits and what better way than to mine the purses of a few sheilas, so be grateful you were ever considered a source of revenue. There are some pretty strict dress regulations at Tatts. Make sure your lippy's on straight and that you lose a couple of kilos before you front - it's one thing letting you in to prop up the club's economy but letting you in looking too relaxed, ugly or overweight is never going to be on. Mind you, when you do feel like a spot of relaxation, you'll discover some of the more unreconstructed members willing to help you unwind. It's not that they think all women are automatically up for it, but those females inducted into the hallowed halls should be prepared to put up with a bit of good-natured ribbing. The odd helpful comment about the size of your bouncy bits should be taken in the well-meaning spirit in which it's intended. If you can't take a joke you're a dried up old lesbian. The vast majority of the members are modern, evolved men who have lived and worked around women as equals and superiors for years and who joined an all-male club for a wide range of reasons that had nothing to do with an over-inflated sense of entitlement. Members are quite comfortable in the company of both genders and of people from many backgrounds - just because membership rules have until now excluded both women and the unconnected is no reason to suspect Tatts is anything less than a welcoming place. Misogyny is just a small part of the club's culture. It's the 21st century and members come from all walks of life. Some of them even went to state schools (but they've learned to talk proper since and they're rarely so crass as to mention the fact once inside). So make sure you forget any uppity rubbish once you walk through the door. You'll do fine so long as you remember to smile at everyone and laugh at their jokes. Unless the person you're talking to is another woman. No need to pay them any attention. In fact, you want to be a bit careful about spending too much time with them because Tatts is a fine old establishment that wants your money and you're not supposed to turn it into some sort of hairy-legged networking coven. If you get full membership you'll have all the rights of every other member. Your netball club and mothers' group will be very welcome to use the facilities just like any normal old boys' rugby union association. You'll just have to wait your turn. You should be used to waiting by now - the club hasn't exactly rushed into this decision to let you buy your own drinks. There are those who cynically suggest that women, with their inclinations to communicate and bond, might actually thrive in an atmosphere like Tatts. That sort of talk is a bit like suggesting that someone is not automatically a finer person because their parents paid for them to go to a posh school. So you can enter and you can have a drink. Maybe you'll win membership rights in the big vote that's coming up. But you'll never take over. You will never get the numbers. Plus, it's not like any of you pretty young things can count, is it? |
