Last Monday I opened one from a school teacher who had adopted what I would have thought was a high-risk strategy and referred a blog entry I wrote a couple of weeks ago to her class. In it I had written of the disaster which ensued when I had attempted to hold an indoor barbecue in my apartment. Here is an edited version of the e-mail from the Year 8 English teacher at Xavier Catholic College in Hervey Bay.

"I decided to impart some of your worldly knowledge upon a group of 13-year-old brains. The students were given a handout with various scribbles, sub-headings, brackets and arrows suggesting the structure of your story but I decided to end the column at: 'There was only one thing to do. Panic.' They were then asked to come up with a resolution for the story. This was after questioning whether or not you were of sound mind to begin with. I assured them you were.

"Here are some of their suggested endings for your story. Remember that 13-year-old minds move in mysterious ways."

"Trying to peer out of the smoke I knocked over the electric barbecue, sending my prized-sized steak out the window and into Mrs MacLally's apartment. Mrs MacLally was an old lady who was widowed and blind. She had a very fat and old cat, Mr Tubby, who she loved dearly. She heard the steak smash through her window and, as you would, went to investigate. I watched her through the window as she stepped on the steak and suddenly screamed saying, 'Mr Tubby! Mr Tubby! Help, my cat has been gutted and is dead!'

The smoke from my barbecue was now causing a commotion all through the apartment block. I could hear the screams of the other tenants as they fled with their families. I was still watching Mrs MacLally who was now running and screaming into walls, Mr Tubby watching her in awe. She crawled along the floor, picked up the steak and ran outside. I decided to do the same.

When the firemen had arrived and extinguished the fire, they brought me the now desecrated barbecue. The owner of apartment nine was yanking the steak out of her hand telling Mrs MacLally's sobbing face that it was only a piece of steak.

Well, two years have passed. I've been kicked out of the apartment and now live with Mrs MacLally and her cat. I got a massive fine for my troubles and countless hours of community service. The worst thing about this whole experience is that I never did get that steak." - Yasmin, aged 13.

"As I looked deeper into the puff of smoke an image began to appear. A face that in fact I knew to be that of my mate - the former barbie owner. Like a vision of the Virgin Mary being sold on eBay, I thought I had been touched by God. Then the image disappeared and I was back to reality. I was trying to think straight but it was impossible. I grabbed the fire extinguisher and tried to put out the fire. By the time I finished I was exhausted. The kitchen was black and ashes were everywhere.

I went down to the main office and all my neighbours were complaining to the manager. I had told the manager what had happened, and as I owned the apartment that I was living in, I had the insurance company take care of any damages. Thank goodness.

I was so hungry that I went to buy McDonald's, as any single man would. Not wanting to return to the drama, I went directly to a friend's house and stayed for a few nights. Smoke free." - Kara, aged 13.

"After I started panicking, I jumped out of my window and landed in a bin. Smelly and covered in something that was probably not human, I got up to walk away from the drama. I made my way to McDonald's but as I was walking I seemed to be attracting a large pack of dogs who found my smell rather nice. Running for my life and screaming as I went, people began to stare. I decided the best form of action was to hide, so I jumped the fence into someone's yard.

Feeling safe, I relaxed. This feeling only lasted a moment because, thinking I was safe to leave, something grabbed me from behind. It was the police. The owners of the house thought I was a robber, others thought I was a vagrant. I am now doing five years for being in public without money and robbing houses." - Adam, aged 14.

"Once I calmed down I put out the flames. Three weeks later I woke out of my coma. In my coma I dreamt three things: 1. Being chased around by an army of meat; 2. Drowning in a river of mince; 3. Dying in a coma after being beaten repeatedly around the head by a cabanossi.

From then on I became a vegetarian. To cure my doubts about my apartment, I rang my insurance company about the dodgy barbecue. They replied: 'I'm sorry for your loss, sir, but you will need to produce a receipt for the barbecue before we proceed.'

It's too bad my mate didn't leave the receipt with the barbecue for me to take as well!" - Imogen, aged 13.

"This is merely a selection, and as I speak there are 20 more faces asking to send theirs as well. What can you do? - Donna Wynne-Markham. English teacher."