I think it's about time I put another one of these things up here. I'm not really full of ideas, so this one's going to be more of a work-in-progress (as is evidenced by the totally unknown finish date).

A month or so ago I bought a new bike, a Giant Iguana SE. It's wicked. I've already bailed and hit a tree once. The only problem I've got with it is that I have to ride it in traffic. Why? Two reasons: pollution and bad drivers. I think I'll have lung cancer by the end of the summer, if I don't get hit by one of Victoria's famous grey-hairs before then. Christ Almighty, you'd think people got their licenses in Egypt, where I've heard the test consists of going straight 50 metres, followed by going in reverse 50 metres. Actually, I wouldn't mind a test like that. I don't have my drivers license, you see. I just got my learners, so that means everybody wants me to drive them around, rather than the other way around. "It'll be good practice!" Bah. I think I'll just go on fooling myself by getting the stupid thing renewed when it expires. This is the third I've had in 6 years, and I've driven for a total of about 9 hours. Yeah, I'm ready for the test. Bring it on!

Here's a joke for you: This kid in 7th grade comes home one day and says, "Mommy, mommy, I got the highest mark on the math test!" "That's because you're from Newfoundland, son." The next day he comes home and says, "Mommy, mommy, I finished first in the footrace today!" "That's because you're from Newfoundland, dear." The day after that he comes home and says, "Mommy, mommy, we were all in the locker room, and I've got the biggest weiner of them all!" "That's because you're 26."

Why do apples do such nasty things to my stomach?

Why is it called a "mouse pad" when it's neither a mouse nor a pad? Um, wait a second. I'm overtired, that's it.

Weren't you kicked out of the Liberal caucus?

So, how about them Stars? I'm taking a tremendous amount of heat from various people about my allegiances. In case you don't already know, the Dallas Stars are playing the Edmonton Oilers in the NHL Western Conference Semifinals. The Stars won on 11 May to give them a 2-1 lead in the best-of-7 series. I, being Canadian and all, should be cheering for the Oilers, but I'm a huge Stars fan. The only one in Western Canada, I think. I wonder what would happen if I wore my Stars jersey tonight. Perhaps I'd get chased down, beaten to within inches of my life, and make the front page of the Times-Colonist, providing fodder for "concerned citizens" about the rampant violence these days. Hey, maybe there wouldn't be so much violence in Victoria (there actually isn't...) if the stupid city council wouldn't hate poor people so much. Stupid bastards. City council, I mean. I think all the homeless and underadvantaged (how do you like that for a euphemism?) should run them out of town!

Dammit, I hate this keyboard. The backspace key doesn't work properly with Netscape. You know how most backspace keys delete one character to the left? This one deletes one character to the right. It's fucking annoying, it is.