In this edition I wag war on telemarketers and tell some dirty jokes. Get ready to rummbleeee!!

Telemarketing sucks!!

What an invasion of privacy. How did it ever get to this point? Let's see we pay the phone bill so they get the right to bug us all the time? Yikes!!

Fight telemarketers at all costs!!

Good ways to handle a telemarketer on the phone in this case AT&T...

Some people might say well it is rude to not be polite on the phone, but if you think like that that they gotcha sucka!

Me: Hello

AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T...

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...

Me: This is AT&T?

AT&T: Yes This is AT&T...

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron please?

Me: May I ask who is calling?

AT&T: This is AT&T.

Me: OK, hold on.

At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.

Me: Hello?

AT&T: Is this Mr. Line?

Me: May I ask who is calling please?

AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...

Me: This is AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, is this Mr. Line?

Me: Yes, is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes sir.

Me: The phone company?

AT&T: Yes sir.

Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.

AT&T: Yes sir, we are a phone company.

Me: I already have a phone.

AT&T: We aren't selling phones today Mr. Line.

Me: Well whatever it is, I'm really not interested but thanks for calling.

When you are not interested in something, I don't think you can express yourself any plainer than by saying "I'm really not interested", but this lady was persistent.

AT&T: Mr. Line we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

Now, I am sure she meant she was offering a "rate" of 10 cents a minute but she at no time used the word rate. I could clearly see that it was time to whip out the trusty old calculator and do a little ciphering.

Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day?

AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes sir that's right! 24 hours a day!

Me: 7 days a week?

AT&T: That's right.

Me: 365 days a year?

AT&T: Yes sir.

Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's amazing!

AT&T: We think so!

Me: That's quite a sum of money!

AT&T: Yes sir, it's amazing how it ads up.

Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560, and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash advance?

AT&T: Excuse me?

Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute.

AT&T: What are you talking about?

Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1008 per week and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.

AT&T: Oh no sir I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a minute.

Me: Wait a minute here!!! Didn't you say you'd give me 10 cents a minute. Are you sure this is AT&T?

AT&T: Well, yes this is AT&T sir but......

Me: But nothing, how do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10 cents a minute that I'll give you 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the Enquirer you know. Don't use your alien brainwashing techniques on me.

AT&T: No sir we are offering 10 cents a minute for.....

Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please!

AT&T: Sir I don't think that is necessary.

Me: Sure! You say that now! What happens later?

AT&T: What?

Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!

AT&T: Yes Mr. Line. Please hold on. So now AT&T has me on hold and my supper is getting cold. I begin to eat while I'm waiting for a supervisor. After a wait of a few minutes and while I have a mouth full of food:

Supervisor: Mr. Line?

Me: Yeth?

Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program.

Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth?

Supervisor: Yes sir, it sure is.

I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.

Me: No, actually I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan.

Supervisor: OK, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who was helping you.

Me: Thank you.

I was on hold once again and was getting really hungry. I needed to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.

AT&T: Hello Mr. Line, I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan?

Me: Do you have that friends and family thing because you can never have enough friends and I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little brother...

AT&T: (click)

Some dirty jokes 4 u...

A man is sitting next to a woman on a jet, which is getting ready to take off. Suddenly, the man sneezes. He unzips his pants and wipes the end of his penis off with his handkerchief. He zips up, smiles and continues reading his magazine. The woman cannot believe what she just saw. Then he sneezes again, unzips, pulls out his penis and wipes it off with a handkerchief....and smiles. The woman says, "Excuse me sir, but that is disgusting and rude, and if you do it again, I am going to call the Flight Attendant and have you removed from this plane." He says, "I am so sorry that I have offended you. I have this very rare, embarrassing physical handicap that causes me to orgasm every time I sneeze." The woman, disarmed by the man's honesty, and somewhat embarrassed by her own callousness, says, with sympathy, "Oh you poor man, what are you taking for it?" He replies, "Pepper."

Last week a very important meeting took place between God, the Pope and Moses. They were troubled because the President of the United States was behaving in an inappropriate manner. They decided that the only course of action left was to create an 11th Commandment to get their message across. Now the problem remained exactly how to word this new commandment so that it matched the other commandments in style & holy inspiration. After great meditation & discussion, they concluded: "Thou shalt not comfort thy rod with thy staff."

Thanks Carl 4 those last 2 great jokes!

3 guys are in a bar...1st guy looks at the bartender and says "Give me an MGD..." The bartender hands him the drink and exclaims "You have the smallest hands I have ever seen in my whole life!!! I bet you those are the smallest hands in the world. You should go down to the Guinness Book of Records, and get in for the smallest hands in the world." The man thanks him for the tip, and says he will go down in the morning. The 2nd man overhearing the conversation buts in and says, "Well I have really small feet." He takes off his shoe and puts his foot on the bar. The bartender looks and says, Those are the smallest feet I have ever seen in my whole life.!!! I bet those are the smallest feet in the world. You should go down to the Guinness book of records and get in it for the smallest feet in the world." Not too long after, the third man says, "Well, I have a really small dick." He unzips his pants and whips it out. The bartender looks and says, "You have a tiny dick. I bet that is the smallest dick in the world. You should go to the Guinness book of records and get in for the smallest dick." So, the three men go to the Guinness book of records and apply for their records. They then return to the Bar. The bartender asks, "How did it go?" The first man replies, "It's great!!!, I have the smallest hands in the world." Second man says, "Yeah, and I have the smallest feet." The third man is quiet and the bartender asks if he is alright. The man replies, "I'm fine, I just wish I knew who this guy named ? is!!!"

Substitute "?" for someone you know, and perhaps don't like all too much :)

EdItOr: W.O.

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