ThIs EdItIoN oF StUfF iS aBoUt AgInG

AgIng SuX!!

Feeling Old?

1. The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1980.

2. They have no meaningful recollection of the Reagan era, and did not know he had ever been shot.

3. They were prepubescent when the Persian Gulf War was waged.

4. Black Monday 1987 is as significant to them as the Great Depression.

5. There has only been one Pope. They can only really remember one president.

6. They were 11 when the Soviet Union broke apart, and do not remember the Cold War.

7. They have never feared a nuclear war. "The Day After" is a pill to them, not a movie.

8. They are too young to remember the Space shuttle blowing up, and Tienamin Square means nothing to them.

9. Their lifetime has always included AIDS.

10. They never had a Polio shot, and likely, do not know what it is.

11. Bottle caps have not only always been screwed off, but have always been plastic. They have no idea what a pull top can look like.

12. Atari pre-dates them, as do vinyl albums.

13. The expression "you sound like a broken record" means nothing to them.

14. They have never owned a record player.

15. They have likely never played Pac Man, and have never heard of Pong.

16. Star Wars looks very fake to them, and the special effects are pathetic.

17. There have always been Red M&M's, and Blue ones are not new. What do you mean there used to be beige ones?

18. They may have heard of an 8-track, but chances are they probably have never actually seen or heard one.

19. The Compact Disc was introduced when they were 1 year old.

20. As far as they know, stamps have always cost about 32 cents.

21. They have always had an answering machine.

22. Most have never seen a TV set with only 13 channels, nor have they seen a black and white TV.

23. They have always had cable.

24. There have always been VCR's, but they have no idea what Beta is.

25. They cannot fathom not having a remote control.

26. They were born the year that Walkmen were introduced by Sony.

27. Roller-skating has always meant inline for them.

28. The Tonight Show has always been with Jay Leno.

29. They have no idea when or why Jordache jeans were cool.

30. Popcorn has always been cooked in a microwave.

31. They have never seen Larry Bird play, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is a Football player.

32. They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.

33. The Vietnam War is as ancient history to them as W.W.I, W.W.II or even the Civil War.

34. They have no idea that Americans were ever held hostage in Iran.

35. They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.

36. They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.

37. They never heard the terms "Where's the beef?", "I'd Walk a mile for a Camel", or "de plane, de plane!".

38. They do not care who shot J.R. and have no idea who J.R. is.

39. The Titanic was found? I thought we always knew where it was.

40. Michael Jackson has always been white.

41. Kansas, Chicago, Boston, America, and Alabama are places, not groups.

42. McDonalds never came in Styrofoam containers

YOU KNOW YOU'RE NO LONGER A KID WHEN...

~ Just one peanut butter and jelly sandwich doesn't do it any more.

~ Driving a car doesn't always sound like fun.

~ The average ten-year-old doesn't have a clue who Bo and Luke Duke are.

~ Being bad is no longer cool.

~ You have friends who have kids.

~ Saturday mornings are for sleeping.

~ You are taller than the slide at the McDonald's playland.

~ Your parents' jokes are now funny.

~ You have once said, "Whatch-you talkin' 'bout Willis?"

~ You have owned (and since disowned) Michael Jackson's "Thriller" album.

~ You would rather wear your dirty clothes again, 'cause mom is not there to do your laundry anymore.

~ Two words: parachute pants

~ Naps are good.

~ Hitting girls is no longer considered flirting.

~ You onced deemed Space Invaders as "the best game ever."

~ When things go wrong, you can't just yell, "Do-over!"

~ The only thing in your cereal box is...cereal.

~ You actually buy scarves, gloves, and sunscreen.

~ Your idea of fun parties now include chips 'n' salsa and Snapple.

~ You leave concerts and ballgames early to beat the crowd.

~ You WANT clothes for Christmas.

~ You don't want a Camaro because of the insurance premiums.

~ You remember when "Saturday Night Live" was funny.

~ You've bought an album on vinyl.

~ You remember seeing Star Wars when it first came out.

~ Someone says, "My dad can beat up your dad," and you agree.

~ Receiving mail is no longer fun.

~ You actually choose to clean your room.

~ Ten dollars is not a lot of money anymore.

~ You own a garden hose.

~ You have more than the front door key on your key chain.

~ The music you grew up on is now bottled up on a three-CD set and sold on an infomercial.

~ Malls aren't fun anymore.

~ The phone rings and you hope it's NOT for you.

~ You watch the news.

~ The players in the World Series look strangely like your son's school buddies.

~ You are shocked to discover that your aging next door neighbor was born the same year you were.

~ You remember when Goldie Hawn got her start on the "Laugh-In" show.

~ You thought "Laugh-In" was funny.

~ The girl at the cash register calls you "sir."

~ As a boy you wanted to be an astronaut when you grew up.

~ When you see a kitten, you immediately think of a stinking litter box.

~ Your wife says you are getting more and more like your father.

~ You don't have hips anymore.

~ You learned how to read before graduating from high school.

~ You realize that if you live to be twice your present age, you will be eligible to enter the Guinness World Book of Records.

~ You find yourself saying: "They just don't make things like they used to."

~ Your idea of a fun vacation is to find an isolated spot and sleep for three weeks.

~ In order to stay trim, you have to go hungry all the time.

~ You once thought "Lost in Space" was on the cutting edge of sci-fi special effects.

~ You look in the surveillance camera monitor at the convenience store, wonder who that guy with the bald spot is standing at the counter, and then realize it is a shot of you from behind.

Keeping in the spirit of today's political times a little tune from the white house... click here

EdItOr: W.O.

I hope you enjoyed this edition of StUfF mAg oNlInE. Chex back around mid-September for the Halloween/Fall edition.

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