some quiz stuff...
1. A pubic hair is a wild rabbit T F
2. Spread Eagle is an extinct bird T F
3. A Clitoris is a type of flower T F
4. Vagina is a medical term for heart trouble. T F
5. A menstrual cycle has 3 wheels T F
6. A G-string is part of a violin T F
7. Semen is another word for sailor T F
8. Anus is the Latin word for yearly T F
9. Testicles are found on an Octopus T F
10. Asphalt describes rectal trouble T F
11. KOTEX is a radio station in Tijuana T F
12. Masturbate is used to catch large fish T F
13. Coitus is a musical instrument T F
14. Fetus is a character on Gunsmoke T F
15. An umbilical cord is part of a parachute T F
16. A condom is an apartment complex T F
17. An orgasm is an instrument played at weddings T F
18. A diaphragm is a drawing in Geometry T F
19. A dildo is a variety of sweet pickle T F
20. A lesbian is a person from the mid-east T F
21. An erection is when Japanese go to vote T F
22. Sodomy is a special kind of fast growing grass T F
23. Pornography is the business of making records T F
24. Genitals are people of non-Jewish origin T F
25. Douche is an Italian word for twelve T F
26. An enema is someone who isn't your friend T F
27. Ovaries are a French dish made with cheese T F
28. Scrotum is a small planet near Uranus T F
29. A Trojan is necessary on a date. T F
woman's 10 favorite man...
1. The Doctor because he says,"Take off your clothes"
2. The Dentist because he says,"Open Wide"
3. The hairdresser because he says,"Do you want it teased or blown"
4. The Milkman because he says,"Do you want it in front or in back?"
5. The Interior Decorator because he says,"Once you have it all in, you'll love it."
6. The Banker because he says,"If you take it out to soon, you'll lose
interest"
7. The Police Officer because he says,"Spread 'em"
8. The Mailman because he always delivers his package.
9. The Pilot because he takes off fast and then slows down.
10. The Hunter because he always goes deep in the bush, shoots
twice and always eats what he shoots.
The 10 Last Things A Man Would Ever Say
10. I think Barry Manilow is one cool dude.
9. While I`m up, can I get you a beer?
8. I think hairy butts are really sexy.
7. Her tits are just too big.
6. Sometimes I just want to be held.
5. That chick on "Murder, She Wrote" gives me a woody.
4. Sure I`d love to wear a condom.
3. We haven`t been to the mall for ages, let`s go shopping and I can
hold your purse.
2. Forget Monday Night Football, let`s watch Murphy Brown.
1. I think we are lost, we better pull over and ask directions.
Why Beer is Better Than Women
1) Beer is never late.
2) Beer does not complain.
3) Beer is always available when you want it.
4) Beer never cheats.
5) It is legal to have two beers at one time.
7) Beer does not nag.
8) When you get tired of beer, throw it away.
9) Beer is worth five cents when your done.
In response to the popular "Woman's 50 Rules for Men",
"Man's 25 Rules for Women":
1. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up, put it down.
2. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
3. Don't make us guess.
4. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
answer you don't want to hear.
5. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
6. He's never thinking about "The Relationship."
7. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like
every other cat.
8. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
9. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.
10. Shopping is not everybody's idea of a good time.
11. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
12. You have enough clothes.
13. You have too many shoes.
14. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us
to like it.
15. Your brother is an idiot.
16. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
17. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark
anniversaries.
18. Share the bathroom.
19. Share the closet.
20. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a
doctor.
22. Nothing says 'I love you' like sex in the morning.
23. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
24. Check your oil.
25. Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do.
Types Of People You Might Meet In The Men`s Restroom
EXCITABLE : Shorts half twisted around, cannot find hole, rips
shorts
SOCIABLE : Joins friends in pissing whether he has to or not
CROSS-EYED : Looks into next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed
TIMID : Cannot piss if someone is watching, flushes urinal and
comes back later
INDIFFERENT : If all urinals being used, pisses in sink
CLEVER : No hands, fixes tie, looks around and pisses on floor
WORRIED : Not sure of where he has been lately, makes quick
inspection
FRIVOLOUS : Plays stream up, down and across urinal, tries to hit
fly or bug
ABSENT MINDED : Opens vest, pulls out tie, pisses in pants
CHILDISH : Pisses directly in bottom of urinal, likes to see it
bubble
TOUGH : Bangs dick on side of urinal to dry it
PATIENT : Stands very close for a long time waiting, lets it drip
dry, reads with other hand
EFFICIENT : Waits until he has to crap, then does both
DRUNK : Holds left thumb in right hand, pisses in pants
DISGRUNTED : Stands for a while, gives up, walks away
CONCEITED : Holds two inch dick like a baseball bat
DESPERATE : Waits in long line, teeth clenched, pisses in pants
SNEAK : Farts silently while pissing, acts very innocent, knows
man in next stall will get blamed
Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women And Men (and what they actually mean...)
10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that inbred
banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance.")
9. There`s a slight difference in our ages. (You are one jurassic
geezer.)
8. I`m not attracted to you in `that` way. (You are the ugliest dork
I`ve ever laid eyes upon.)
7. My life is too complicated right now. (I don`t want you spending the
whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys
I`m seeing.)
6. I`ve got a boyfriend (who`s really my male cat and a half gallon of
Ben and Jerry`s).
5. I don`t date men where I work. (Hey, bud, I wouldn`t even date you
if you were in the same `solar system`, much less the same
building.)
4. It`s not you, it`s me. (It`s not me, it`s you.)
3. I`m concentrating on my career. (Even something as boring and
unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)
2. I`m celibate. (I`ve sworn off only the men like you.)
1. Let`s be friends. (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in
excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex
with. It`s that male perspective thing)
In response...
The male perspective on the same issue ...
Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Men (and what they actually mean...)
10. I think of you as a sister. (You`re ugly.)
9. There`s a slight difference in our ages. (You`re ugly.)
8. I`m not attracted to you in `that` way. (You`re ugly.)
7. My life is too complicated right now. (You`re ugly.)
6. I`ve got a girlfriend. (You`re ugly.)
5. I don`t date women where I work. (You`re ugly.)
4. It`s not you, it`s me. (You`re ugly.)
3. I`m concentrating on my career. (You`re ugly.)
2. I`m celibate. (You`re ugly.)
1. Let`s be friends. (You`re sinfully ugly.)
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