No one is here in the office again today. I'm at the end of my assignment and have nothing to do. So....
Well, as I stare here into my crystal ball (monitor), I can see visions of the future and what the future holds for each of the HRDG members for the next millennium...
First there's Josh. As the new millennium rolls in Josh and Beth are blessed with a new child. However, living in West Virginia, it proves very difficult to maintain a level of "class" and slowly the Fulks spiral toward being "one with the earth". They end up selling their new home. Buy a trailer home, a monster
truck, and have 15 kids. The Fulks end up on welfare but Josh does keep his Mustang. It's painted "Primer Gray" with a Rebel flag license plate in the front.
Frequent Traveler Harmon's life, unfortunately, takes a turn for the worse. After his most recent escapades in Vegas, Harmone finds a new "hobby." He becomes a Vegas regular and expenses EVERYTHING on his company. The degenerate gambler goes through a downward spiral, eventually getting arrested for embezzling millions of dollars from the company. He spends the rest of his
life in prison, getting "Hi-Ho'd" every night.
Lutz has a "moment of clarity" at the beginning of Y2K. For some reason, he stops drinking and smoking all together. He quits his cushy job at GE and opens his own Plumbing business. Apparently, unbeknown to everyone, he truly missed the smell of Drano.
After discovering that he has been mooching off the United States for years, Wa is deported back to Canada. In a freak accident, while doing his Skippy the Retarded Clown impersonation in the Beer Store for the clerk, a case of Molson falls on our Skippy. Skippy becomes "Skippy the Permanent Retarded Clown."
After graduation, Kempner passes up a great job with PNG. He instead takes a lesser paying job as the University of Cincinnati's basketball team waterboy because it will make him happy. However, he loses his job amid illegal actions. Apparently, the real reason Kempner was hired in the first place
was to take tests, study, and write papers for the basketball team. Ashamed and out of work, Kempner picks up playing the saxophone and is seen on the walkway to Riverfront stadium (Cinery Field) playing before and after every Reds and
Bengals game for change.
Things don't look good for Pledge Huizenga. After being called "Pledge" by everyone (including his wife, family, coworkers, boss, etc.) for the last 40 years. Pledge finally flips out and goes postal. He kills 45 people in Ohio, Michigan, and Indiana in one of the worst killing sprees in history. The worst part about the killing sprees is how he killed each of the victims. He abducts them, ties them standing up to a wall. Then he gets really drunk and body checks them hockey style, crushing them to death. His last words in the electric chair are, "Anyone want a date with my sister?"
Barticus, also realizes that engineering isn't his calling. After leaving school early, Ho-Bart moves to California and becomes a Gigolo. After getting himself "established" he moves into the Adult Film Industry and becomes the next Ron Jeremy. He becomes number one on every female p0rn stars list to work
with because of his famous move he does in every film....you guessed it. The Donkey Punch.
Jaylin, decided to forgo his senior year and declares himself eligible for the NBA draft. However, after going unselected after the draft he tries out for the LA Lakers and gets a spot being Kobe's backup. JayLin schools Kobe everyday
in practice, but never sees the light of day for the court. He eventually signs with the Cleveland Cavs and flips out proclaiming himself the "Kobe Stopper." To make matters worse, for the rest of his life he refers to himself in the
third person.
Things look pretty bright for Weaves. Realizing that engineering isn't his true calling, he opens a bar/dance club in Dayton called, strangely enough, "Club 72". The "Club" as all the kids refer to it as is a huge success and prompts Weaver to open a chain of them across the USA. Weaver spends the
waning days of his life still going to the Club every night hitting on freshman girls.
After the life altering move to the 'Nati, Guido settles down with his woman from Memphis. However, after the third straight year without a playoff birth for the Tribe and yet another season below .500 for the Browns, Guido moves to the dark side. He becomes a HUGE Reds and Bengals fan. So much so that he
becomes the local president of the Bengals fan club holding rallys and tailgaters before every game at his house in Blue Ash.
Come the turn of the century, things pick up quite nicely for Mr. Hickey. After successfully rushing OT, his legacy will forever be talked about. He was pledge class president. Scored perfect on EVERY test. He became the first Regent to be installed immediately after initiation. He works his way through the OT
ranks becoming student member, member of the year. The accolades keep coming as he leads OT to a new Renaissance. He finally is voted Executive Grand Regent for life and is single handily responsible for the great success of OT for the next 1000 years. However, he is forced to resign amid a Clinton-esque scandal.
It is revealed he never graduated from college because his grades weren't good enough. Oh, and he smoked some weed...once...in college. In his resignation address he said he never inhaled.
After graduating from OU in Computer Science, GReed gets an entry level job with High Times as a computer specialist working on their website. After several years, Jay does a fantastic job and moves up to the head of IT for High Times and his listed on Fortune magazine as one of Americas young and up and
coming IT person. In an interview, he is quoted as saying, "The best part about my job is the free samples."
Unfortunately, Pete has a gloomy future ahead of him. He spends this twilight years still "sort of seeing Kristie". Kristie still hasn't decided what to do with her life and Pete still bitches everyday about his job. Although he has been at the same job for the last 40 years. He gets some pleasure in his life
when he sits back and thinks about he used to be able to "have game". Unfortunately, for Pete he is senile in his old age and also brags about how he walked on the moon too. Everyone pretty much knows he neither had game nor walked on the moon.
After getting called into work after the Y2K shut down, Kent averts yet another fatal disaster at the AK Steel plant with his quick wits, saving hundreds of lives AK names him an executive and is wined and dined up the corporate ladder. However, tragedy strikes him on his 30's birthday cutting short a potential
great career. He dies in bed of a heart attack. For his birthday, Mel finally gives in and lets him have a three some. Unfortunately, his heart couldn't handle all the pent up excitement. At least he died a happy man.
Saballa, takes over after the passing of Bob Dole as the official spokesperson for Viagra. The marketers for Viagara feel that it's important to appeal to all ages of men with erectile dysfunction, not just those senior members of our
society. Saballsacks nationally syndicated commercials start by saying, "Hi, I'm 30 years old and I have erectile dysfunction because I beat my meat so much as a kid..."
Joe Brown finally graduates from OU sometime in the next 10 years. However, he feels like he hasn't gotten enough and decides to pursue a post grad degree as well. After finishing his masters in a record shattering 25 years, Joe feels that getting that doctorate is right up his alley. Unfortunately, Hoe dies of at the ripe old age of 112 before he has time to finish his PhD.
After the Y2K glitch, Phil oak account was wiped out. He was never heard from or seen again.
As for me, after getting fired for screwing off when no one is around, I try (unsuccessfully) for a career as a writer in Hollywood. I end up giving handjobs for crack before I meet Pledge's sister. We settle down, have 12 kids and live happily ever after.
The End.
This page last modified 12-17-99 by the Juice. Please come back soon and visit us.