BOWIE: WILL YOU QUIT IT? What true sportmanship between both teams.. let's move on to match between two very vocal wrestlers.... Lord Byron and the American Enforcer!!! *DING* *DING* *DING* [The Intermezzo from Karelia Suite plays over the PA system. The crowd sits quietly and expectantly.] COLLINS: The following contest is scheduled for one fall ... Introducing first... coming down the aisle ... weighing 265lbs ... from Oxford, England ... LOOOOORDDDDD BY-RON! [The crowd begins to boo as Lord Byron swaggers down the aisle, his nose in the air. He tucks his brass-topped cane under his arm as he reaches the ring and executes a French bow. The crowd boos even more.] BOWIE: Lord Byron still hasn't achieved any measure of popularity among the fans of the FWLI. HEART: That's because these idiots can't recognise real talent when they see it. Watch how Lord Byron takes this Apple Pie muncher apart. [The Intermezzo cuts off abruptly to be replaced by Springsteen's "Born in the USA." The crowd starts to pop loudly.] COLLINS: And his opponent ... from Indepence, Missouri ... weighing 275lbs ... THE AMERICANNNNNNN ENNNNNN FORRRRRR-CERRRRRR!!!!! HEART: Listen to these morons cheer this makeup-wearing fool! [The arena goes dark and blue and red lights light the way to the ring. As the American Encorcer steps out into the aisle wearing his Olympic 1996 jacket, white stars guide his path to the ring.] BOWIE: And another fine entrance here tonight. I wonder what we're going to see next. HEART: We're going to see Lord Byron take a big piece out of the American Enforcer over here. Look at that makeup and those tights. Red, blue and white everywhere. Who was his inspiration J. Edgar Hoover? BOWIE: Will you stop. *DING* *DING* *DING* BOWIE: And we're underway. What type of match do you think we're going to see here, Lance? HEART: A short one. Byron will easily outclass this fancied up reject from the Superbowl stands. Remember, Lord Byron's named after the mad, bad dangerous poet. He has history. What has the Enforcer got? BOWIE: A TREMENDOUS CLOTHESLINE WHICH SENDS BYRON RUNNING TO THE OUTSIDE! HEART: Now that's not fair! Byron's trying to be a gentleman about this match. He won't pull out the big guns 'til later. American Enforcer's trying to embarrass Lord Byron right off the bat. He'll pay for that. BOWIE: And Lord Byron back in the ring. A little more hesitant now than before. Byron asking for a TEST OF STRENGTH? HEART: Byron's a rangy fellow, you know. He's tougher than he looks. BOWIE: But he's not stronger than the American Enforcer. Enforcer bending the wrists back. He's got Byron down on his knees. HEART: Watch the counter wrestling by Byron, though. BOWIE: Byron under the armpit... A VARIATION OF THE NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX TAKES ENFORCER OVER INTO A PINNING PREDICAMENT ... KICKOUT AT TWO! HEART: See, now the Enforcer's hesitating. And Byron taking a bow to the audience. He's arrogant and self-assured. Now beat your man. See, Bowie, he can take this guy at any time. BOWIE: Collar and elbow tie up ... ARMDRAG BY BYRON! Enforcer up ... another collar and elbow tie up ... Enforcer with a waistlock ... BYRON TAKES HIM OVER. HEART: And another bow to the crowd! BOWIE: They lock up again ... Byron into the ropes off ... attempted body slam ... Byron over the top ... BYRON FROM BEHIND WITH A DOUBLE LEG TAKEDOWN! HEART: And he's walking over the Enforcer's back. What a man! BOWIE: The Enforcer's hot, Lance! He comes charging in ... DROP TOEHOLD BY BYRON ... OHHH, STOMP TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD KEEPS THE ENFORCER ON THE MAT! HEART: See how great Lord Byron is. If he keeps this match strictly wrestling he'll have no trouble disposing off this trash. BOWIE: I wouldn't get the Enforcer riled up then. Another lock up ... Byron with an Irish whip ... off the ropes ... ENFORCER WITH A CLOTHESLINE! HEART: And the Enforcer likes to work on the back and neck! Byron better be careful here! BOWIE: Enforcer has him up ... hard right hand to the midsection ... and another... Byron up against the ropes ... HAYMAKER COMING.... HEART: BEAUTIFUL COUNTER BY LORD BYRON ... He knew The American Enforcer was going to start a brawl and he kept his head ... grabbed the Enforcer's tights and levered him out to the floor. Take a breather, Lord. You've earned it. BOWIE: Lord Byron wisely staying in the ring as the American Enforcer gets to his feet ... NO... BYRON WITH A SLIDE KICK! HEART: Now why's the referee getting in Lord Byron's face. He should be counting this man out! BOWIE: And the referee over to count ... Enforcer on the apron ... Here comes Lord Byron and he's met with a shoulder block, Lance! HEART: And the Enforcer over the top! BOWIE: SUNSET FLIP ... WE'VE GOT ONE! NO. KICK OUT AT ONE! Now we're getting down to it. Both men lock up! HEART: Thumb to the eye! Beautiful move by Byron! BOWIE: LORD BYRON WITH A STANDING SIDE HEADLOCK ... TAKES HIS MAN DOWN TO THE MAT. OVER INTO A FRONT FACELOCK... REF, THAT'S A CHOKE! HEART: The referee can't see it, though. The Enforcer's flopping like a fish. BOWIE: Lord Byron breaks the hold. Now he's got the Enforcer's leg... STEP OVER TOE HOLD ... He's working on the knee... Kick to the knee again ... Now he's got the legs grapevine ... SCORPION DEATHLOCK APPLIED! HEART: Now this is brilliant wrestling, Bowie. The American Enforcer is getting way outclassed here. When it's wrestling Lord Byron is demonstrating exactly why he won silver in the Olympics. He's using his head. Resting while he wears his man down! BOWIE: THE AMERICAN ENFORCER WITH A PUSH UP! DID YOU SEE THAT? HEART: The American Enforcer is obviously a very strong man to do a push up to take some of the leverage away from Byron and then just bring his legs down to take Byron over. Incredible! BOWIE: Listen to these fans! They're solidly behind the Enforcer ... CLOTHESLINE KNOCKS LORD BYRON DOWN!!! BYRON UP ... BELLY-TO-BELLY! And Lord Byron's in trouble, Lance! HEART: I don't know where the American Enforcer got this burst of energy from but he's taking it too Lord Byron and taking the wrestling out of this match! BOWIE: AND THE ENFORCER WITH A BACKBREAKER AND A COVER ... ONE ... TWO ... HE GOT HIM!!! HEART: No! FOOT ON THE ROPES! FOOT ON THE ROPES! BOWIE: You're right, Lance. Referee explaining things to the American Enforcer... Lord Byron with a cheap shot over the referee! Lord Byron picks up the Enforcer ... NECKBREAKER! HEART: And the American Enforcer just can't seem to get anything going. He's being badly outwrestled! BOWIE: Lord Byron back to the legs ... FIGURE FOUR LEGLOCK APPLIED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING! HEART: Ring the bell it's over! BOWIE: The American Enforcer is flat on his back in the middle of the ring. I don't think he's moving. HEART: The ref's counting his shoulders down ... BOWIE: One. .. two ... Enforcer got a shoulder up! Look at that! He's become energized! HEART: Oh no! BOWIE: And the Enforcer reverses the hold! Lord Byron quickly scoots out of there! Both men to their feet ... Lord Byron charging ... BACK BODY DROP BY THE AMERICAN ENFORCER! HEART: Roll out of the ring! BOWIE: And Byron is trying, but the Enforcer's got him. Hauls him back into the ring ... GIANT SWING! HEART: No, no, no! BOWIE: And Lord Byron lands in a heap in the corner. The American Enforcer moving in now ... Lord Byron with a blow to the Enforcer's knee ... European uppercut ... JAWBREAKER BY LORD BYRON! HEART: See! Lord Byron's in firm control of this match! He can't lose! BOWIE: No, it doesn't seem that way, does it. Lord Byron demonstrating a measure of dominance unexpected in this match. It may be just a matter of time before this arrogant, egotistical anti-American puts away the Enforcer! HEART: DDT by Lord Byron! BOWIE: But he's not going for the cover ... Lord Byron whips the American Enforcer into the ropes ... back body drop coming ... HE TELEGRAPHED IT! HEART: What's the Enforcer doing? BOWIE: POWERBOMB COMING! HEART: No! Lord Byron reversed it into a Frankensteiner! The American Enforcer seems to be out of it! Cover him and be done with it. You don't want to soil your aristocratic hands any more than you already have! BOWIE: Lord Byron bowing for all the fans to see. Look at Lord Byron posing and showing off. WAIT THE ENFORCER'S GETTING UP! HEART: Lord Byron's seen him! BOWIE: Lord Byron charges with a clothesline ... MISSES .... off the ropes! FLYING FOREARM BY THE AMERICAN ENFORCER! HEART: Oh no, no please don't let him have his wind back! BOWIE: The American Enforcer whips Lord Byron into the ropes ... catches him ... tilt-a-whirl backbreaker, Lance! HEART: This is impossible. How do these idiots get so much energy? BOWIE: Hard knee drop by the Enforcer! Lord Byron isn't moving, Lance! HEART: NO! NO! NO! BOWIE: Oh yes! SIDE WALK SLAM! FOLLOWED BY A GUTWRENCH SUPLEX! HEART: Lord Byron's crawled to the corner, desperate to catch his breath! BOWIE: Here comes the Enforcer! HEART: Superkick! NO! NO! NO! BOWIE: The Enforcer caught it! He's dragging Lord Byron out to the centre of the ring! HEART: Lord Byron with a back brain kick! NO! BOWIE: The American Enforcer saw that one coming... he ducks out of the way and Lord Byron is down in a heap. The American Enforcer has him up! HEART: What's he going to do with him? That man's a gentleman! Don't hurt him! BOWIE: BRAINBUSTER COVER THAT MAN! HEART: The Enforcer's going up top! He could be going for the Peacemaker! (A flying clothesline.) BOWIE: The referee counting. Lord Byron is stumbling around. Wait ... who's coming down the aisle? HEART: Doug Fury ... thank God! BOWIE: The referee checking on Lord Byron now ... The Enforcer perched ... DOUG FURY JUST SHOVED THE ENFORCER OFF THE TOP ROPE TO THE FLOOR! HEART: And he landed on his head! I think he's out! *DING* *DING* *DING* BOWIE: Doug Fury just ruined a great matchup! Somebody has to put a stop to that so-called Awesome Alliance! HEART: They're making sure everything goes their war during WAR GAMES. I've never met a smarter cadre of wrestlers. Never! BOWIE: And what's this? Lord Byron and the Southern Shooter Doug Fury shaking hands? Lord Byron and the Southern Shooter Doug Fury leaving together? What's going on here? That man just cost Lord Byron the match! HEART: I told you, the Awesome Alliance is always thinking in there and look, the American Enforcer's still on the floor! BOWIE: What a cheat! This is a rip-off! Somebody has to stop these guys! COLLINS: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this bout ... as a result of a disqualification ... THE AMERICANNNNNNN ENFORCERRRRRRRRR!!!!! [The crowd pops as "Born in the USA" starts up. The American Enforcer stumbles to his feet and half stumbles, half jogs his way back to the dressing room.]